He Is So Much Into Me…..When My Friend Fell For Me!

Dear friends, you won’t believe what happened with me this weekend. I came to know that a friend of mine is after me .He likes me and he wants to be my boyfriend. All this time I was thinking that we are just friends. But he gave me indirect signal that he wanna be my boyfriend. I am so shocked. He is my best friend. I like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend, but he is so much into me.

 Let me start from the beginning. Last year I met this guy through a friend. Let’s call him by name Alan (which is not his real name). In the first glance I was taken by Alan’s amusing lively nature. He is that kind of man who would come to you and say Hi. Within few minutes we were sharing jokes and laughing, within hour we shared phone numbers. My gosh he was (and still is) a cool man. He is very funny and I like funny people. In fact I was looking for gay friend like Alan with who I can freely chat, laugh and share gay jokes which I cannot share with my other too busy, too serious or too sad gay friends. But with Alan, it was like sitting over a pint of beer on Friday night in a pub. I liked him as a person and he shared same reactions for me. We became good friends, kinda best buddies, we would meet over star bucks, drink coffee and talk about men, sex, travel and some serious stuff too. Throughout this whole time we shared a lot about each other within ourselves. He knows my past and I know his. In Alan I really found a best friend. But then this weekend everything changed.

 It was my idea to meet him over Ramen, we met in a Ramen shop south on Carlton on Church. It was a good place, food was good and everything was going perfect and we were talking about men and relationships. It was then the first time he said that well crafted signal attached in a sentence “..some times the things are in front of you”. I was talking about finding a good boyfriend and he replied with some philosophical answer and at the end of that answer he added that well crafted sentence. I didn’t get his signal at that moment but after dinner we went for a walk. There was a beautiful park where we sat down for a while and there he said that sentence again during the discussion “..some times the things are right in front of you, you just have to identify it”. And this is where I got what he was saying. He is smart, he was throwing that line by waving well into the discussion that it would be perfect vague idea but clear a signal. Oh My God! In that moment I found that he was hitting on me. I had to say something to clear my point. I started acting as if I didn’t got his signal and said him following things.

 I told him that relationship is a very serious matter for me and this time when I go into relationship, I wanna make sure that this is the guy I wanna be with. I have several expectations from the guy and I don’t wanna be with a guy who don’t have those qualities. When I say expectations, I don’t have super high expectations like he has to be super model and super rich…but at least he should be of my age and with who I can move with in life. Some one I can connect with, someone with who I can feel that “YES, this is the one”. I have come all the way, thousands of miles from my previous country and after coming this long I don’t wanna be in relationship with someone with who I don’t wanna be in relationship with. I don’t want to compromise on few things when it comes to my life partner. If I have to compromise then it will be as unfortunate as a gay man going back in closet and marrying to a young woman for a money and to avoid loneliness. I don’t wanna do that. I am a proud gay man and I am not gonna go back to closet nor gonna compromise, not anymore.

 On that he said, how would you know if the guy is perfect if you wont give that guy a chance to prove? You have to jump in the water to taste the flow of water, not all expectations are meant to meet, compromise is not a bad thing, look in the person etc. I politely presented my views on counter points given by him. Which he didn’t get it well. But at the end I said I don’t wanna rush into relationship and wait for the right moment. And we stopped that discussion there.

 One thing I wanna say that he did a really good job by indirectly presenting his proposal rather than proposing me directly and ruining our friendship. Thank god I still have his friendship.

Alan is a great guy, anyone will be lucky to have a partner like him but not me. After dating Ryan it is gonna be very hard for me to overlook certain important aspects of relationship that Ryan showed me and Alan cannot deliver that. Ryan was straight out of Mills & Boon’s books. I am not a philosopher but I know this about love that when you are with some one you really love and one who really loves you, you can even feel that magic even in the silence of his company. With Alan I cannot feel that. Yes I agree that life starts out of comfort zone but I surely know the zones where I cannot hold myself. With Alan I can be happy, entertained but my soul will still be finding that someone. Alan could never be that somone. And suppose I change my views and get into relationship with Alan and after few years person like Ryan comes to my life then what? It will be worst? 

 What if I commit any mistake by falling for some other guy while being with Alan? What if I decide to move in with that guy and break relationship with Alan (with who I was never content)? This is not a joke, relationships are pious things, I don’t wanna break them. I don’t wanna hurt someone’s heart, and definitely not Alan’s. I am not rushing into this relationship. I don’t wanna get into the relationship with a man that I am 100% not sure about.

It is gonna take sometime for me to clear things to Alan but I am gonna do that. He hasn’t sent any funny meme after that evening. But I am gonna meet him this weekend. I failed to recognize all that special treatment, compliments he has been throwing on me all these times. He is a wonderful friend of mine and I am gonna win his friendship back. I don’t wanna give him any wrong idea. I do want to get into the relationship but with kind of a man I want to be in relationship with. I am very careful about that and I don’t wanna do anything that will break someone's heart and definitely not mine.

I Love You All..

I Love You All..

My dear readers. I apologize for the long absence that I took from my blog. I believe you might have missed my posts but I can say one thing sure that I did missed you all. In this post I will try to explain why I took a leave of absence.

  Since last two years, many things have changed in my life. Many new events took place and I have started a major new journey in my life. Since that journey has started I am constantly thinking about all the changes it is gonna bring. I am not having cold feet about my decision, nor I am repenting but it is making me think about many facts about my life. When I started this blog, I was in my 20s, now I am in my early thirties. Still single , still hopeful to meet someone. But i am still single. And this gave me a little bit depression. These all years have been a long journey of unexpected surprises, lots of ups and downs and I did all that for the hope of meeting my life partner, for being what I was supposed to be. But lately, I kinda got tired of this journey of constant events and constantly waiting for someone. When I am gonna meet someone?  And that kinda pulled me down and that is why I was away from my blog. 

I am sorry. I am not crying but just sharing an experience of my life.

Also, during this time I started working on writing short stories. Yes, I am working on my book of short stories based on LGBT lives. As I said, lot of things were happening. 

So stay tuned to my bog. I am not going anywhere.

Love,

Indian Metro Gay

QUEER EYE & The Journey Of Acceptance!

Hello my dear friends.

I Love you All. 

I am not kidding, I just finished watching the first season of Netflix’s Queer Eye. It is a great show, every gay man must watch it. This is a remake of a show from last decade by same name and concept. 5 gay men with different skill set of life, fashion, beauty, cooking, and design help straight people in improving their lives. Every episode is a new person, every episode is a new story. But what is the most interesting thing about this show is the message and journey they showed in it.

 In this version, these five gay friends, called by “Fab 5” traveled to Georgia, USA. People from the southern USA are quite known for their homophobic views. These Fab 5s help those participants by giving them full makeovers and wins their hearts. It is a beautiful journey of a midpoint where people from two different background and sexualities (gays and straight) come and meet and become friends. Fab 5 are really excellent, eccentric, strong, talented, gay men. They won the hearts of people from Georgia USA shown in the show as participants. As at the beginning of show they said, “The original show was fighting for tolerance. Our fight it for acceptance”. This show is really about achieving that acceptance in society by winning hearts of people who do not belong to LGBT community. As I said earlier in my blog post "Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay” , we need to show some strong characters as a representatives of LGBT community that will win hearts of straight people; this is the show that gives platform to gay people where they can offer so much to the community. This is indeed an act of building bridges.

I know some people are saying that this show is a typical stereotyping of gay people, but that is just one side of the coin. When you see those happy tears of straight people on the show, those achievements in their lives, when you see they moving ahead in life with the help of 5 gay men; the whole debate of stereotyping or not does not matter.

After seeing so many shows and movies about gay people, This is the show where I felt “YES” I felt happy and I believed that, YES, change is happening in the society. Straights and LGBT are coming together and working hand in hand. 

This is the perfect ground, perfect picture from future. This is the future of Gay community that I believe in.

I love you all my dear friends.

Now go and watch the show on Netflix.

With Who?

Hello Friends.

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend.

The season is changing here. Colors of leaves of trees are changing, wind is getting colder and overall things are getting quieter. We are entering in the new season of Fall here. While surfing on facebook this morning I saw a picture posted by one of my friend's friends. It was a beautiful outdoor, a bench by the beautiful lake and heading saying, "With Who You Would Be Here?". It was an indication of a romantic moment. I tried to think. I thought would that be my recent ex about who I write many recent blog posts? And the thought changed. My inside voice said "NO". "It has to be someone more wiser and mature person".

 And in that very moment, I realized that I have moved on. I no longer miss him I think. I am looking and waiting for a wiser person. This came as a good surprise. Nowadays I am getting more interested in man's qualities than looks. I am more concerned about the inner grey matter than outer good looks. Well, it is a good thing I guess. With the new season, my life is changing, again.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Dating Mr. Perfect

Yes my dear friends, you read it right. Today I am writing about dating Mr. Perfect. A guy I dated last year for a while. It's a quite interesting story. This experience was different. This is the same guy that I wrote about in my previous post "New Season - New Turn In Life."

Early summer last year I became fan of famous Indy movie actor and director Ed Berns. I liked his personality and style. I was always a fan of Ryan Reynolds. I like Ryan's face, he is a real handsome Canadian man. So I started thinking how romantic it would be if I meet a guy who look like Ryan Reynolds and has a personality like Ed Burns? That would be like a sugar in milk, like Xbox one with Xbox gold subscription, like an iPhone 7 with Apple Watch and EarPods. A perfect combo you know? I wished for such a guy and got busy in my regular work.

 And then one day on match.com app I stumbled upon one profile. The only picture visible was he sitting on a chair in shadow. Was not able to see his face clearly but something pinched my heart and made me open his profile. I saw his pictures, he was average looking guy, something was telling me that I must say "hi" to this guy. I sent hi, after few days he replied my hi. We exchanged startup conversation rituals ( how is it going, what's ur name?) and started the chat. One thing I noticed about this guy is that this guy was proactive, he was replying my messages instantly and was writing many lines than throwing short sentences. His profile said he is looking to get married and he asked me to meet within first week of our chat. You might think that this guy was appearing despo but he was not. NO he wasn't a despo kinda guy. He was well mannered, well behaved guy. All his communication was showing that he is eager to know me than sleeping with me.  We decided a day, he came to Swiss Chalet near my house and we met over dinner.

 That was a wonderful first date, he talked a lot, we exchanged many pages of our lives. In that meeting I came to know that he is also fan of 80s music and Simon & Granfunkel like me. That was first time I was seeing him in real and I realized that he does not look like his pictures in real. In real he look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and voice like Ed Burns. Something what I had really wished before. He was a dream come true. I was with a guy who was good looking, good personality, no drama ,mature minded hot guy who was interested in me. He was not like regular fake guys, at least what I felt so. While dropping me home, I was nervous, I did not wanted to appear so cheesy by giving him hug so I gave him hand for goodby shake hand. And he said , common man and hugged me tightly.  He said I am really nice guy and he would love to meet with me again for sure. He dropped me in my drive way and left. I was there still shocked. I can't believed that it happened!

 And so my dating summer started. Ryan ( it is not his real name but let's call him Ryan because he look like Ryan Reynolds) and I texted each other back to back, he added me on Facebook, we talked about our families, his mother sent him picture of her snow filled front yard for me because I like Christmas. We were communicating with each other which is really very rare now days in dating.  He also invited me to his place over weekend. I could not go to his place so he came to my place over a weekend. That was a great afternoon, we started talking and as expected a little bit romance took place. But we did notion any extreme. That evening he took me for dinner at another Swiss Chalet near my house. We had really great time, he talked so much with me openly and even kissed me in public. That is something I had not expected from him, but I liked it, I liked that dashingness in Ryan. I just so wanted to be within more and he too with me. We were having real discussions like grown men. He was so happy and relaxed with me. After dinner he said he will drop me over my place and go home, I asked him to drop in grocery store which was further away from my house and on his way. I told him I wanted to pick up some veggies but all I wanted was spending some time with him. We reached grocery store, this is the place where he kissed me, we said goodbye to each other and he left by saying see you again.

  He left, I was in that parking lot of store feeling stuck, was not able to move, something was holding me there, asking me to call him back. I was feeling suddenly so scared and lonely. Even though I was gonna meet him next weekend as he promised. But I was so scared. Turn out, that's the last time we saw each other.

  In our first meeting or even before that Ryan had admitted that he is getting very busy in office and his boss is doing some stressful things. But after our last meeting Ryan suddenly got busy in his office. So busy that he did not even replied to my texts. He said he got a big promotion or something and that's why he is so busy temporary till X date. After X date he will call me back and we will go to his place in countryside. X date came and went. Turn out that my Hollywood star lookalike had gotten one more promotion and he became more busy and gave me one more date, Y date. Y date came and went, and yes, you won't believe but my great date had gotten one more promotion and had become more busy. And now this time he did not gave me any date buy gave a season. He said in summer he will get back to me. I knew one thing that he was really busy and really getting promotions because he was constantly updating his facebook posts and details. He was not lieing. I really needed to act with patience else I would appeared like a child before him. And that is the last thing I want to happens between us.


Being a mature minded gay man whose heart has been serially crushed, I won't say I love Ryan, I have no expectations from anybody. I would say I really really liked Ryan. He is a perfect man who is not in that downtown drinking scene and has word marriage in his vocabulary. It is so rare to find men like this. I like Ryan because what he is, what he make me feel when I am with him. When I am with him, I feel that event our silence is communicating a lot. He makes me feel heard, he makes me feel needed, he makes me feel complete.

  But being few years older than me, in his backpack he has those few concerns ripped from his previous heart breaks. He will always pull them out no matter what I say and how much wiser I act. He is a big guy now, making a lot of money and that makes this equation difficult from my end. I need to be careful to not appear cheesy to him. I mean, I don't want him to think that I am behind him because he is rich now.  All I can and need to do is wait for his summer to rise. Meanwhile, work on myself, making sure not to  expect anything from him, and not make any plans. So I am doing that, I am going back to school, deleted his number from my cellphone and do not message him on Facebook. I like that guy so much and I won't mind waiting for him. If he comes to me then I will be the happiest guy on earth, but if he not, then this will give me great lesson to me and test. Test to overcome his memories.

 I have dated many guys in my life but never saw a man like this one. This guy is perfect, he is a man. I don't have a perfect boyfriend but at least I have possibility of having a great man as a boyfriend. Sometimes all you need is hope, and that is what he has given me. No matter what come out of this it will not make me sad for sure.

New Season - New Turn In Life.

 This is a month of September and here in Canada we have a Fall season starting. I always loved fall because of its colors. In this season suddenly green leaves turn into Red and Orange. Just a perfect surprise from nature. While enjoying a day to day action packed fun life of summer one day you suddenly stumble upon a tree in neighborhood and find that it hs turned into Red. The Fall is coming. Surprise!!!

 This Fall has not only brought change in nature around me but also has brought many changes in my life. One of those changes are related to color Red. For me color Red is color of Love.  After almost 2 years long hot dry summer finally I am seeing some red leaves in my personal life. :) .  And what makes more surprising to me is this guy is no drama, perfect gentleman. A Man, not a guy.  I am taking things slow with him.  How I met him and all is very funny story.

 Just like advertisements of FMCG products change every 4 weeks, my celebrity male crushes change every 4 weeks. Few years back I got this hot crazy stupid crush on Ryan Reynolds. Then I wished I want boyfriend who look like Ryan Reynolds. Few months back I fell in love with actor and indy film maker Ed burns. I liked his personality, in fact I still like his personality. He appears to be a perfect husband material. So after watching his movies again and again I wished to have boyfriend who has personality and voice like Ed burns.  Just before I saw this guy online, one day while surfing on Facebook I saw this religious post saying your wishes are coming true, comment 'Amen' to accept them. Generally I don't entertain such post but that time something made me to comment on it. I did that and next week I saw this guy on dating site. I said hi to him, he replied and my story started.


 With this post I wanna share this funny story of coincidences. Once I wished to have boyfriend like Ryan Reynolds and once I wished to have boyfriend like Ed Burns. And you won't believe but this guy just look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and nature of Ed Burns' character Gerry from movie Fitzgerald Family Christmas. If this was less then his voice is also similar to Ed Burns' :)

He is a very nice guy, I am gonna give him time, gonna go slow with him. With him I feel something that I never felt with any guy before. He makes me feel like playing game of Golf with him.  Even though he doesn't play Golf, I am gonna give chance to this possible relationship.

Fingers crossed!

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part ll

.......And Then He Sopped Messaging

Hello friends, I am back. As I said in last part of this series of post ( predictive behavioral patterns), today I am writing about the topic of guyz' behavior that will make you interested in searching upon.

It must have happened with you that you came across a nice guy on social networking sites. You liked him, he liked you and then you started chatting. Everything was matching, you were perfect match. You were chatting with each other everyday, he showed you his emotional side, you shared your secrets to him. Everything was fairy tale kind of perfect and then one day he suddenly stopped messaging you.

 Suddenly he started acting like a stranger, as if he never met you before. He ignored your all messages, suddenly became very busy in work place and developed enough problems, enough cousin's weekend visits to keep you away from him. He just disappeared. This is not a very normal thing. I mean this is happening a lot in gay sphere. You will often meet guys who will tell their share of same experience. It is really heart breaking thing. I mean when at one side you are dreaming to get good life partner and on other side if you keep meeting such kind of people you are gonna lose your nerve, your patience and your willingness to find relationship. 

Why it happens that when that guy is really enjoying your company, he is happy then he suddenly turns away and stops messaging. There must be a strong psychological reason behind it. I am not psychologist to know about it. So I wont comment on saying why it happens. But I am analyst, I work with data, so I would comment from that point of view.

Now days many dating apps have that indicator in person's profile showing how frequently that guy replies to messages or how much your and his personality/nature match. So just like this, why cannot apps show that after how many days of chat this person is most likely to go silent? 

I am not saying that apps should scan their messages and by scanning that data they should predict this result but by observing one person's visit & search pattern they should be able to predict this figure.

 For example Mr. B is that man who disappears after starting good chat. One 1st January Mr. B came to gay dating site for searching cool guys on gay dating app. Then he found my profile there. He kept coming on that app to exchange messages with me. On  Jan 10 we shared our numbers on that dating app. And then we started chatting on phone side by side. By Jan 20 we were so much into texting each other on phone and by Jan 20 our visits to gay dating apps were dropped. After chatting and talking with me over phone till 28th Feb he suddenly stopped messaging me. His last message was sent on 1st March. He kept himself away from dating apps for few days and one day, 15th March he came back on dating site and started visiting profiles frequently. 

 So in this imaginary case Mr B was on dating app for 20 days and then he went away from dating apps for 38 days and at same time some other guy showed same behavior (that was me) and then again after 38 days Mr. B came back online. In this guy's case 28-38 days was the period of his interest in me.  If this guy is showing same visiting pattern over the period of time then 28 days is a time till he will be interested in a guy for chatting over text.

I don't want to go on non-analytical debate here, I mean don't wanna spend time on discussing questions like "no, what if the guy he was chatting with was wrong". I don't want to talk about other possible reasons because I am specifically talking about a behavioral pattern where person suddenly stops texting with no reason. So let's stick to it.

I think it would be a great tool for people on dating sites if they understand this factor of person they are looking online. It will help them to understand what should be the speed of their communication.

I mean, if I knew that that guy was gonna turn statue after 4 weeks I would had never skipped my best friend's birthday for the special date he arranged for me. In fact, I wouldn't had replied to his "Hello there" in first place.

From Teen to Man, on the footsteps of Paul Walker

(a gay boy’s journey through darkness to self-belief )

The moment I read that new saying Paul Walker has passed away the first thought came in my mind that wish this is joke. But after 5 seconds when I saw that sad news on internet my heart literally sunk in sadness. For few seconds I was paralyzed with the shock and could not even moved my eyes from that heart breaking news. Paul Walker had gone from us. The actor with whom I spent most of my teenhood with in day dreaming, the guy whom I saw as role model and big brother has gone all the way from me for never coming back; this news was like tight slap on my face or like waking up from a dream in which I was talking to him by sitting next to him and watching sunset. I saw many dreams like this in my late teenhood.

 His deep blue eyes, blond hairs, handsome jaw and muscular body was like Greek god. Or an angel you can say. With these things in kitty he came in Fast &Furious and appeared like boy next door and instantly entered in the hearts of many people. Then he came in sequels through which he indeed maintain that impression of cool dude with whom every macho man would enjoy to grab beer with. Side by side he was doing other movies too. When he appeared macho rough Brian in F&F, he did express his emotional but tenacious side in movie Eight Below. And how can I not say anything about Into The Blue? Wans’t his beefy body perfect for that oceanic thriller? Would that movie remained same sexy and spicy without star like him? He was a great actor. He successfully managed to maintain those above average things without crossing the line and remain presentable and noticeable.

 For the whole world Paul was just a “Fast & Furious guy” but for me he was more than that. For me he was the first complete man that I saw during my painful transaction from boy to man. The first role model that I saw whose big muscles really motivated me to hit gym and be like him, as if his calm and balanced face and receptive eyes were saying to trouble teen like me ‘don’t give up dude, don’t give up. There is so much ahead in life which you cannot see yet but it is worth living. This painful life is meant for something better, something good and something enormous that makes your life complete.’ He was my first true Hollywood crush. Even till today I see him with respect that I never had for any other man. I always had those divine, reverent feeling for him which are far beyond physical attraction and thirst for physical love. Although he was completely my type of guy I never ever imagined him as my lover or he making me love. For him my feelings were always as pure as any person would have for his or her elder brother.   During all the time I spent watching his movies he never spoke to me but said so many things to me.  During those many lonely summer afternoons of teenhood I would sit alone in TV room and watch his movies again and again. I would pause the VCD right when his full face came on screen and keep staring his tranquil blue eyes and kind face. It was as if he was sitting right before me. And then through his deep blue eyes I would dive in the ocean of thoughts and introspection. The only practice I would do during that time is I would ask myself three questions.

“What I am?

What I need to do?

Will that get me close to this guy?”

In third question what I meant by ‘this guy’ is Perfection. What I need to do that will give me physique like this guy, confidence like this guy, balance in life and self-belief like this guy has and the serene calmness of face that tells all the jewels of manhood this guy has achieved in his life and still achieving more and more.  For me this guy named Paul Walker was perfection.

During those many lonely afternoons we met many times and slowly Paul became my good friend in the world of day dreaming. We would enjoy talks, I was the one who would talk a lot.  He was the guy with whom I shared many things that I was not able to talk about with my straight friends.  Slowly may be though my introspection or from my watching situation from outer angle Paul did spoke to me about the things that I need to do and the best thing is I did them. I did woke up at 4 in morning and went to gym, I did spent extra more hours in Chemistry book that allowed me to pass that difficult subject, I did brought that muscular behaviour in my body language that made me “acceptable” in my straight friends. I did imitate his every possible move in my troubled teen life and drove my life towards more balanced life by stepping on his foot step.  

 In those days somewhere deep inside a question was pinching my heart that someday this troubled teen phase shall pass, your life will get settled and as a man you will get busy in job and your partner and then what will happen to the great affection that you have for Paul Walker? Would you still enjoy his movies and news then? Or will he remind you those past troubled days of your life? Today I would answer this question that NO! During last 2 years whenever I saw Paul Walker on TV & internet it did gave me pleasant breeze of gratitude. He reminds me that great journey that I did from boy to man, from nothing to something. He taught me true meaning of man hood.  There was one time in my life when I had lost all hopes about my career and today I am enjoying my career. I always thought that someday if I could go to USA I would roam in the clubs of LA and try to catch him in some plush clubs and say Thanks for the difference he made in my life. So much irony that soon I will be able to go to USA and now I can never ever meet him my whole life.

Dear Paul, you never ever did anything that would hurt me man but you passed so soon that this is gonna make me upset for long time. Although I am sad, somewhere inside my spiritual heart there is an echo coming that is saying that you are in better place now. No man in my whole life made the difference that you made in my life.  You never met me, never spoke to me but you did change my life.

Now all I have for you is countless Thanks and great gratitude for god for sending me true superhero in my life.  You will always be in my heart Paul, See you soon in heaven.