People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part ll

.......And Then He Sopped Messaging

Hello friends, I am back. As I said in last part of this series of post ( predictive behavioral patterns), today I am writing about the topic of guyz' behavior that will make you interested in searching upon.

It must have happened with you that you came across a nice guy on social networking sites. You liked him, he liked you and then you started chatting. Everything was matching, you were perfect match. You were chatting with each other everyday, he showed you his emotional side, you shared your secrets to him. Everything was fairy tale kind of perfect and then one day he suddenly stopped messaging you.

 Suddenly he started acting like a stranger, as if he never met you before. He ignored your all messages, suddenly became very busy in work place and developed enough problems, enough cousin's weekend visits to keep you away from him. He just disappeared. This is not a very normal thing. I mean this is happening a lot in gay sphere. You will often meet guys who will tell their share of same experience. It is really heart breaking thing. I mean when at one side you are dreaming to get good life partner and on other side if you keep meeting such kind of people you are gonna lose your nerve, your patience and your willingness to find relationship. 

Why it happens that when that guy is really enjoying your company, he is happy then he suddenly turns away and stops messaging. There must be a strong psychological reason behind it. I am not psychologist to know about it. So I wont comment on saying why it happens. But I am analyst, I work with data, so I would comment from that point of view.

Now days many dating apps have that indicator in person's profile showing how frequently that guy replies to messages or how much your and his personality/nature match. So just like this, why cannot apps show that after how many days of chat this person is most likely to go silent? 

I am not saying that apps should scan their messages and by scanning that data they should predict this result but by observing one person's visit & search pattern they should be able to predict this figure.

 For example Mr. B is that man who disappears after starting good chat. One 1st January Mr. B came to gay dating site for searching cool guys on gay dating app. Then he found my profile there. He kept coming on that app to exchange messages with me. On  Jan 10 we shared our numbers on that dating app. And then we started chatting on phone side by side. By Jan 20 we were so much into texting each other on phone and by Jan 20 our visits to gay dating apps were dropped. After chatting and talking with me over phone till 28th Feb he suddenly stopped messaging me. His last message was sent on 1st March. He kept himself away from dating apps for few days and one day, 15th March he came back on dating site and started visiting profiles frequently. 

 So in this imaginary case Mr B was on dating app for 20 days and then he went away from dating apps for 38 days and at same time some other guy showed same behavior (that was me) and then again after 38 days Mr. B came back online. In this guy's case 28-38 days was the period of his interest in me.  If this guy is showing same visiting pattern over the period of time then 28 days is a time till he will be interested in a guy for chatting over text.

I don't want to go on non-analytical debate here, I mean don't wanna spend time on discussing questions like "no, what if the guy he was chatting with was wrong". I don't want to talk about other possible reasons because I am specifically talking about a behavioral pattern where person suddenly stops texting with no reason. So let's stick to it.

I think it would be a great tool for people on dating sites if they understand this factor of person they are looking online. It will help them to understand what should be the speed of their communication.

I mean, if I knew that that guy was gonna turn statue after 4 weeks I would had never skipped my best friend's birthday for the special date he arranged for me. In fact, I wouldn't had replied to his "Hello there" in first place.

From Teen to Man, on the footsteps of Paul Walker

(a gay boy’s journey through darkness to self-belief )

The moment I read that new saying Paul Walker has passed away the first thought came in my mind that wish this is joke. But after 5 seconds when I saw that sad news on internet my heart literally sunk in sadness. For few seconds I was paralyzed with the shock and could not even moved my eyes from that heart breaking news. Paul Walker had gone from us. The actor with whom I spent most of my teenhood with in day dreaming, the guy whom I saw as role model and big brother has gone all the way from me for never coming back; this news was like tight slap on my face or like waking up from a dream in which I was talking to him by sitting next to him and watching sunset. I saw many dreams like this in my late teenhood.

 His deep blue eyes, blond hairs, handsome jaw and muscular body was like Greek god. Or an angel you can say. With these things in kitty he came in Fast &Furious and appeared like boy next door and instantly entered in the hearts of many people. Then he came in sequels through which he indeed maintain that impression of cool dude with whom every macho man would enjoy to grab beer with. Side by side he was doing other movies too. When he appeared macho rough Brian in F&F, he did express his emotional but tenacious side in movie Eight Below. And how can I not say anything about Into The Blue? Wans’t his beefy body perfect for that oceanic thriller? Would that movie remained same sexy and spicy without star like him? He was a great actor. He successfully managed to maintain those above average things without crossing the line and remain presentable and noticeable.

 For the whole world Paul was just a “Fast & Furious guy” but for me he was more than that. For me he was the first complete man that I saw during my painful transaction from boy to man. The first role model that I saw whose big muscles really motivated me to hit gym and be like him, as if his calm and balanced face and receptive eyes were saying to trouble teen like me ‘don’t give up dude, don’t give up. There is so much ahead in life which you cannot see yet but it is worth living. This painful life is meant for something better, something good and something enormous that makes your life complete.’ He was my first true Hollywood crush. Even till today I see him with respect that I never had for any other man. I always had those divine, reverent feeling for him which are far beyond physical attraction and thirst for physical love. Although he was completely my type of guy I never ever imagined him as my lover or he making me love. For him my feelings were always as pure as any person would have for his or her elder brother.   During all the time I spent watching his movies he never spoke to me but said so many things to me.  During those many lonely summer afternoons of teenhood I would sit alone in TV room and watch his movies again and again. I would pause the VCD right when his full face came on screen and keep staring his tranquil blue eyes and kind face. It was as if he was sitting right before me. And then through his deep blue eyes I would dive in the ocean of thoughts and introspection. The only practice I would do during that time is I would ask myself three questions.

“What I am?

What I need to do?

Will that get me close to this guy?”

In third question what I meant by ‘this guy’ is Perfection. What I need to do that will give me physique like this guy, confidence like this guy, balance in life and self-belief like this guy has and the serene calmness of face that tells all the jewels of manhood this guy has achieved in his life and still achieving more and more.  For me this guy named Paul Walker was perfection.

During those many lonely afternoons we met many times and slowly Paul became my good friend in the world of day dreaming. We would enjoy talks, I was the one who would talk a lot.  He was the guy with whom I shared many things that I was not able to talk about with my straight friends.  Slowly may be though my introspection or from my watching situation from outer angle Paul did spoke to me about the things that I need to do and the best thing is I did them. I did woke up at 4 in morning and went to gym, I did spent extra more hours in Chemistry book that allowed me to pass that difficult subject, I did brought that muscular behaviour in my body language that made me “acceptable” in my straight friends. I did imitate his every possible move in my troubled teen life and drove my life towards more balanced life by stepping on his foot step.  

 In those days somewhere deep inside a question was pinching my heart that someday this troubled teen phase shall pass, your life will get settled and as a man you will get busy in job and your partner and then what will happen to the great affection that you have for Paul Walker? Would you still enjoy his movies and news then? Or will he remind you those past troubled days of your life? Today I would answer this question that NO! During last 2 years whenever I saw Paul Walker on TV & internet it did gave me pleasant breeze of gratitude. He reminds me that great journey that I did from boy to man, from nothing to something. He taught me true meaning of man hood.  There was one time in my life when I had lost all hopes about my career and today I am enjoying my career. I always thought that someday if I could go to USA I would roam in the clubs of LA and try to catch him in some plush clubs and say Thanks for the difference he made in my life. So much irony that soon I will be able to go to USA and now I can never ever meet him my whole life.

Dear Paul, you never ever did anything that would hurt me man but you passed so soon that this is gonna make me upset for long time. Although I am sad, somewhere inside my spiritual heart there is an echo coming that is saying that you are in better place now. No man in my whole life made the difference that you made in my life.  You never met me, never spoke to me but you did change my life.

Now all I have for you is countless Thanks and great gratitude for god for sending me true superhero in my life.  You will always be in my heart Paul, See you soon in heaven.