QUEER EYE & The Journey Of Acceptance!

Hello my dear friends.

I Love you All. 

I am not kidding, I just finished watching the first season of Netflix’s Queer Eye. It is a great show, every gay man must watch it. This is a remake of a show from last decade by same name and concept. 5 gay men with different skill set of life, fashion, beauty, cooking, and design help straight people in improving their lives. Every episode is a new person, every episode is a new story. But what is the most interesting thing about this show is the message and journey they showed in it.

 In this version, these five gay friends, called by “Fab 5” traveled to Georgia, USA. People from the southern USA are quite known for their homophobic views. These Fab 5s help those participants by giving them full makeovers and wins their hearts. It is a beautiful journey of a midpoint where people from two different background and sexualities (gays and straight) come and meet and become friends. Fab 5 are really excellent, eccentric, strong, talented, gay men. They won the hearts of people from Georgia USA shown in the show as participants. As at the beginning of show they said, “The original show was fighting for tolerance. Our fight it for acceptance”. This show is really about achieving that acceptance in society by winning hearts of people who do not belong to LGBT community. As I said earlier in my blog post "Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay” , we need to show some strong characters as a representatives of LGBT community that will win hearts of straight people; this is the show that gives platform to gay people where they can offer so much to the community. This is indeed an act of building bridges.

I know some people are saying that this show is a typical stereotyping of gay people, but that is just one side of the coin. When you see those happy tears of straight people on the show, those achievements in their lives, when you see they moving ahead in life with the help of 5 gay men; the whole debate of stereotyping or not does not matter.

After seeing so many shows and movies about gay people, This is the show where I felt “YES” I felt happy and I believed that, YES, change is happening in the society. Straights and LGBT are coming together and working hand in hand. 

This is the perfect ground, perfect picture from future. This is the future of Gay community that I believe in.

I love you all my dear friends.

Now go and watch the show on Netflix.

He Left Me, But Gave Me A Great Lesson. Mr. Perfect Do Exist.

Yes friends you are reading right. He is no more with me. He got a big promotion at work and some health issues with his stomach. He said in that long Facebook message that he neither has time nor energy for this relationship. I let him go. But I did sent him a long message, wishing him good and a small suggestion to stand for himself.

  His biggest problem was he cannot say no to people. No wonder his office people gave him more work, he couldn't find time for himself and me and rest you can imagine. In my strong willed good bye letter I said to him at the last that although I am go getter person, at this time I have decided to respect HIS decision. 

   

 Someone has said that there will be infinite, unending numbers of reasons for NOT doing a thing. He was really busy in his work. He chose what he thought is right. He has gone through many heart brakes in life so he took a decision without giving a second thought to heart. As I said in Facebook message to him, I have decided to respect his decision.  I am not crying, I am not sad, I am not happy, actually I am not feeling anything. I am feeling like being in that meditation stage, when ur in that full control of thoughts, you feel good, even though you know that as soon as you step out of that meditation state, regular worries will catch you.

 I am being silent.

This guy gave me something that changed my life. Earlier also I dated few amazing men, when they left me then I felt sad, heart broken but this time it is different. Ryan was best of them, his loss would have made me crazy like anything. But I am not going crazy. I am feeling, calm silent and peaceful. Little time spent with him taught me a lot of great thing and showed me mirror. I do not deserve anything less than Ryan kind of gentleman. Who romance fiction world call 'Mr. Perfect" .

Ryan fell for me that tells me what kind of man I am and what kind of man I deserve. I have decided to take positive from Ryan's experience. Mr. Perfect do exist out there, mine is yet to finish his office meeting I guess.

I wish Ryan great success in his career and health and here I close his chapter.

And here I resume my single gay life. In a same house, with more peace and much more positive hopes.

Lots Of Love,

Your Best Gay Friend.

Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay

Ok! Before we go ahead let me clear few things.

I am not crushing on Jason,
I am not saying Jason is Gay,
I am not watching Bigg Boss,
I haven't watched last few seasons of Bigg boss.

Since I dated a Russsian guy this summer, my way of communication has changed. I just cannot speak/write anything other than talking straight. But I will try to write back in my old ways and be enough expressive.

By now we all know that Jason Shah is the new wild card entry in reality TV show Bigg Boss 10.  He is a handsome hunk with haunting blue eyes and killer jaw bone. He has those big muscles will not go unnoticed by any person. He is a handsome man.


The moment I saw him something echoed in my mind. It was a memory of an old conversation I once had overheard in public bus. Two straight men were talking about their friend who was not present there at that time. They were making fun of him and calling him names and gay. What made them declare him gay was his flamboyant body language and slender body. One guy said to other, if a guy has so slender body and he acts feminine,doesn't act manly then he has to be GAY. Ordinary straight Indians have this huge misconception about gay people.  Even media and Bollywood also believes in this it seems. Many gay characters in movies and TVs are slim men with feminine body behaviour.

 They don't understand or know that what they think about us is wrong. Gay community also has manly acting, muscular men with muscular physique. Our community does have men like these. But public doesn't know that and media keeps feeding their misbelief by portraying gay men as flamboyant men. I wish regularIndians could see in grindr, I wish they could see many profiles of men on grindr with pictures of muscular men.


All LGBT community is trying so hard to make mainstream straight society accept us. As a marketing graduate what comes in my mind is a marketing theory that could help straight people know us better.  This marketing Model is AIDA model. What it is? Let me explain. We need to think as if we are launching a new product. First, we need to grab people's attention by showing them something that they never seen before. That is Attention of A. Then create Interest in People's minds, let them have Desire to know hthat new thing and then let them take Action. This sequence of Attention, Interest, Desire and Action is called AIDA model.

I think that presenting a gay man with hot muscles and handsome face will be a good first step of AIDA model in Indian public. This is to bring mainstream people closer to gay community. How it will work on TV?  Bring an out gay man who look like Jason on reality shows like Bigg Boss. And then let people see him. How it will work? Explain below in diagram.

This model has worked before. Lakshmi Narayan Tripathi and Sunny Leone from Bigg Boss season 5, all have won hearts of millions of people by their smartness, kindness and great character. This formula has worked before for lesbians, Transgenders, straight people and now it is time to apply this formula on gay men too.  I know Bigg Boss had many great gay men on their show before but they need to go one step ahead. They need to find a gay man who is so handsome that it will make women day dream despite they knowing that he is gay, he should have so hot body that he will motivate straight men to hit the gym, he should be so smart, well mannered, well behaved and most important - should have a strong character that he will win support of many viewers, he should be so total package that he should win the show by huge public support. And then people (even though some) will see us in a different way and accept us like one of their own.

This whole post was just a summary of all thoughts that came in my mind when I saw Jason Shah. Indian gay community needs to find their desi version of Anderson Cooper, Ellen Degeneres, Tom Daley and Neil Patrick Harris. Gay men have so much to offer, let Indians receive it.

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part ll

.......And Then He Sopped Messaging

Hello friends, I am back. As I said in last part of this series of post ( predictive behavioral patterns), today I am writing about the topic of guyz' behavior that will make you interested in searching upon.

It must have happened with you that you came across a nice guy on social networking sites. You liked him, he liked you and then you started chatting. Everything was matching, you were perfect match. You were chatting with each other everyday, he showed you his emotional side, you shared your secrets to him. Everything was fairy tale kind of perfect and then one day he suddenly stopped messaging you.

 Suddenly he started acting like a stranger, as if he never met you before. He ignored your all messages, suddenly became very busy in work place and developed enough problems, enough cousin's weekend visits to keep you away from him. He just disappeared. This is not a very normal thing. I mean this is happening a lot in gay sphere. You will often meet guys who will tell their share of same experience. It is really heart breaking thing. I mean when at one side you are dreaming to get good life partner and on other side if you keep meeting such kind of people you are gonna lose your nerve, your patience and your willingness to find relationship. 

Why it happens that when that guy is really enjoying your company, he is happy then he suddenly turns away and stops messaging. There must be a strong psychological reason behind it. I am not psychologist to know about it. So I wont comment on saying why it happens. But I am analyst, I work with data, so I would comment from that point of view.

Now days many dating apps have that indicator in person's profile showing how frequently that guy replies to messages or how much your and his personality/nature match. So just like this, why cannot apps show that after how many days of chat this person is most likely to go silent? 

I am not saying that apps should scan their messages and by scanning that data they should predict this result but by observing one person's visit & search pattern they should be able to predict this figure.

 For example Mr. B is that man who disappears after starting good chat. One 1st January Mr. B came to gay dating site for searching cool guys on gay dating app. Then he found my profile there. He kept coming on that app to exchange messages with me. On  Jan 10 we shared our numbers on that dating app. And then we started chatting on phone side by side. By Jan 20 we were so much into texting each other on phone and by Jan 20 our visits to gay dating apps were dropped. After chatting and talking with me over phone till 28th Feb he suddenly stopped messaging me. His last message was sent on 1st March. He kept himself away from dating apps for few days and one day, 15th March he came back on dating site and started visiting profiles frequently. 

 So in this imaginary case Mr B was on dating app for 20 days and then he went away from dating apps for 38 days and at same time some other guy showed same behavior (that was me) and then again after 38 days Mr. B came back online. In this guy's case 28-38 days was the period of his interest in me.  If this guy is showing same visiting pattern over the period of time then 28 days is a time till he will be interested in a guy for chatting over text.

I don't want to go on non-analytical debate here, I mean don't wanna spend time on discussing questions like "no, what if the guy he was chatting with was wrong". I don't want to talk about other possible reasons because I am specifically talking about a behavioral pattern where person suddenly stops texting with no reason. So let's stick to it.

I think it would be a great tool for people on dating sites if they understand this factor of person they are looking online. It will help them to understand what should be the speed of their communication.

I mean, if I knew that that guy was gonna turn statue after 4 weeks I would had never skipped my best friend's birthday for the special date he arranged for me. In fact, I wouldn't had replied to his "Hello there" in first place.