He Is So Much Into Me…..When My Friend Fell For Me!

Dear friends, you won’t believe what happened with me this weekend. I came to know that a friend of mine is after me .He likes me and he wants to be my boyfriend. All this time I was thinking that we are just friends. But he gave me indirect signal that he wanna be my boyfriend. I am so shocked. He is my best friend. I like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend, but he is so much into me.

 Let me start from the beginning. Last year I met this guy through a friend. Let’s call him by name Alan (which is not his real name). In the first glance I was taken by Alan’s amusing lively nature. He is that kind of man who would come to you and say Hi. Within few minutes we were sharing jokes and laughing, within hour we shared phone numbers. My gosh he was (and still is) a cool man. He is very funny and I like funny people. In fact I was looking for gay friend like Alan with who I can freely chat, laugh and share gay jokes which I cannot share with my other too busy, too serious or too sad gay friends. But with Alan, it was like sitting over a pint of beer on Friday night in a pub. I liked him as a person and he shared same reactions for me. We became good friends, kinda best buddies, we would meet over star bucks, drink coffee and talk about men, sex, travel and some serious stuff too. Throughout this whole time we shared a lot about each other within ourselves. He knows my past and I know his. In Alan I really found a best friend. But then this weekend everything changed.

 It was my idea to meet him over Ramen, we met in a Ramen shop south on Carlton on Church. It was a good place, food was good and everything was going perfect and we were talking about men and relationships. It was then the first time he said that well crafted signal attached in a sentence “..some times the things are in front of you”. I was talking about finding a good boyfriend and he replied with some philosophical answer and at the end of that answer he added that well crafted sentence. I didn’t get his signal at that moment but after dinner we went for a walk. There was a beautiful park where we sat down for a while and there he said that sentence again during the discussion “..some times the things are right in front of you, you just have to identify it”. And this is where I got what he was saying. He is smart, he was throwing that line by waving well into the discussion that it would be perfect vague idea but clear a signal. Oh My God! In that moment I found that he was hitting on me. I had to say something to clear my point. I started acting as if I didn’t got his signal and said him following things.

 I told him that relationship is a very serious matter for me and this time when I go into relationship, I wanna make sure that this is the guy I wanna be with. I have several expectations from the guy and I don’t wanna be with a guy who don’t have those qualities. When I say expectations, I don’t have super high expectations like he has to be super model and super rich…but at least he should be of my age and with who I can move with in life. Some one I can connect with, someone with who I can feel that “YES, this is the one”. I have come all the way, thousands of miles from my previous country and after coming this long I don’t wanna be in relationship with someone with who I don’t wanna be in relationship with. I don’t want to compromise on few things when it comes to my life partner. If I have to compromise then it will be as unfortunate as a gay man going back in closet and marrying to a young woman for a money and to avoid loneliness. I don’t wanna do that. I am a proud gay man and I am not gonna go back to closet nor gonna compromise, not anymore.

 On that he said, how would you know if the guy is perfect if you wont give that guy a chance to prove? You have to jump in the water to taste the flow of water, not all expectations are meant to meet, compromise is not a bad thing, look in the person etc. I politely presented my views on counter points given by him. Which he didn’t get it well. But at the end I said I don’t wanna rush into relationship and wait for the right moment. And we stopped that discussion there.

 One thing I wanna say that he did a really good job by indirectly presenting his proposal rather than proposing me directly and ruining our friendship. Thank god I still have his friendship.

Alan is a great guy, anyone will be lucky to have a partner like him but not me. After dating Ryan it is gonna be very hard for me to overlook certain important aspects of relationship that Ryan showed me and Alan cannot deliver that. Ryan was straight out of Mills & Boon’s books. I am not a philosopher but I know this about love that when you are with some one you really love and one who really loves you, you can even feel that magic even in the silence of his company. With Alan I cannot feel that. Yes I agree that life starts out of comfort zone but I surely know the zones where I cannot hold myself. With Alan I can be happy, entertained but my soul will still be finding that someone. Alan could never be that somone. And suppose I change my views and get into relationship with Alan and after few years person like Ryan comes to my life then what? It will be worst? 

 What if I commit any mistake by falling for some other guy while being with Alan? What if I decide to move in with that guy and break relationship with Alan (with who I was never content)? This is not a joke, relationships are pious things, I don’t wanna break them. I don’t wanna hurt someone’s heart, and definitely not Alan’s. I am not rushing into this relationship. I don’t wanna get into the relationship with a man that I am 100% not sure about.

It is gonna take sometime for me to clear things to Alan but I am gonna do that. He hasn’t sent any funny meme after that evening. But I am gonna meet him this weekend. I failed to recognize all that special treatment, compliments he has been throwing on me all these times. He is a wonderful friend of mine and I am gonna win his friendship back. I don’t wanna give him any wrong idea. I do want to get into the relationship but with kind of a man I want to be in relationship with. I am very careful about that and I don’t wanna do anything that will break someone's heart and definitely not mine.