He Is So Much Into Me…..When My Friend Fell For Me!

Dear friends, you won’t believe what happened with me this weekend. I came to know that a friend of mine is after me .He likes me and he wants to be my boyfriend. All this time I was thinking that we are just friends. But he gave me indirect signal that he wanna be my boyfriend. I am so shocked. He is my best friend. I like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend, but he is so much into me.

 Let me start from the beginning. Last year I met this guy through a friend. Let’s call him by name Alan (which is not his real name). In the first glance I was taken by Alan’s amusing lively nature. He is that kind of man who would come to you and say Hi. Within few minutes we were sharing jokes and laughing, within hour we shared phone numbers. My gosh he was (and still is) a cool man. He is very funny and I like funny people. In fact I was looking for gay friend like Alan with who I can freely chat, laugh and share gay jokes which I cannot share with my other too busy, too serious or too sad gay friends. But with Alan, it was like sitting over a pint of beer on Friday night in a pub. I liked him as a person and he shared same reactions for me. We became good friends, kinda best buddies, we would meet over star bucks, drink coffee and talk about men, sex, travel and some serious stuff too. Throughout this whole time we shared a lot about each other within ourselves. He knows my past and I know his. In Alan I really found a best friend. But then this weekend everything changed.

 It was my idea to meet him over Ramen, we met in a Ramen shop south on Carlton on Church. It was a good place, food was good and everything was going perfect and we were talking about men and relationships. It was then the first time he said that well crafted signal attached in a sentence “..some times the things are in front of you”. I was talking about finding a good boyfriend and he replied with some philosophical answer and at the end of that answer he added that well crafted sentence. I didn’t get his signal at that moment but after dinner we went for a walk. There was a beautiful park where we sat down for a while and there he said that sentence again during the discussion “..some times the things are right in front of you, you just have to identify it”. And this is where I got what he was saying. He is smart, he was throwing that line by waving well into the discussion that it would be perfect vague idea but clear a signal. Oh My God! In that moment I found that he was hitting on me. I had to say something to clear my point. I started acting as if I didn’t got his signal and said him following things.

 I told him that relationship is a very serious matter for me and this time when I go into relationship, I wanna make sure that this is the guy I wanna be with. I have several expectations from the guy and I don’t wanna be with a guy who don’t have those qualities. When I say expectations, I don’t have super high expectations like he has to be super model and super rich…but at least he should be of my age and with who I can move with in life. Some one I can connect with, someone with who I can feel that “YES, this is the one”. I have come all the way, thousands of miles from my previous country and after coming this long I don’t wanna be in relationship with someone with who I don’t wanna be in relationship with. I don’t want to compromise on few things when it comes to my life partner. If I have to compromise then it will be as unfortunate as a gay man going back in closet and marrying to a young woman for a money and to avoid loneliness. I don’t wanna do that. I am a proud gay man and I am not gonna go back to closet nor gonna compromise, not anymore.

 On that he said, how would you know if the guy is perfect if you wont give that guy a chance to prove? You have to jump in the water to taste the flow of water, not all expectations are meant to meet, compromise is not a bad thing, look in the person etc. I politely presented my views on counter points given by him. Which he didn’t get it well. But at the end I said I don’t wanna rush into relationship and wait for the right moment. And we stopped that discussion there.

 One thing I wanna say that he did a really good job by indirectly presenting his proposal rather than proposing me directly and ruining our friendship. Thank god I still have his friendship.

Alan is a great guy, anyone will be lucky to have a partner like him but not me. After dating Ryan it is gonna be very hard for me to overlook certain important aspects of relationship that Ryan showed me and Alan cannot deliver that. Ryan was straight out of Mills & Boon’s books. I am not a philosopher but I know this about love that when you are with some one you really love and one who really loves you, you can even feel that magic even in the silence of his company. With Alan I cannot feel that. Yes I agree that life starts out of comfort zone but I surely know the zones where I cannot hold myself. With Alan I can be happy, entertained but my soul will still be finding that someone. Alan could never be that somone. And suppose I change my views and get into relationship with Alan and after few years person like Ryan comes to my life then what? It will be worst? 

 What if I commit any mistake by falling for some other guy while being with Alan? What if I decide to move in with that guy and break relationship with Alan (with who I was never content)? This is not a joke, relationships are pious things, I don’t wanna break them. I don’t wanna hurt someone’s heart, and definitely not Alan’s. I am not rushing into this relationship. I don’t wanna get into the relationship with a man that I am 100% not sure about.

It is gonna take sometime for me to clear things to Alan but I am gonna do that. He hasn’t sent any funny meme after that evening. But I am gonna meet him this weekend. I failed to recognize all that special treatment, compliments he has been throwing on me all these times. He is a wonderful friend of mine and I am gonna win his friendship back. I don’t wanna give him any wrong idea. I do want to get into the relationship but with kind of a man I want to be in relationship with. I am very careful about that and I don’t wanna do anything that will break someone's heart and definitely not mine.

He Said He Found Me Cute! (blast from the past)

Hello friends. Happy new year. I wish you great  & greetings, greetings & greetings.


You won't believe what happen to me. Just last week, when I was on my break at work, I got this message on Instagram. I opened it and it was small video from one of the guys who used to be a friend of my friends back in India. He sent me a small video as a personal message on Instagram. It was a video in which he was showing his tool and looking at me with inviting eyes. This guy, let's call him Mr. S; used to hang out with the same group of gay friends that I had in India (I would rather call them acquaintances). He was handsome, cute uptight gym going, muscular guy. Even in earlier days, I wished to see him shirtless. But I never thought about him after that. Because of his all up class "Plastic" friends.  He would appear in their all Facebook photos, posts, they were kind of Gay Royalty in my city in India and he was like their dear little brother. I never thought to message him, I was kinda scared of his super loud friends, I was thinking what if I sent him an email saying I find him cute and his friends post that letter on our gay Facebook page and everybody will laugh on me? He was not a troublemaker but his friends were kinda Regina scary, at least I found them that way. That is why when I was in India, I maintained proper distance with that hottie. I think when I was leaving India, around that time I added him on FB, and then last year on Instagram. We never chatted, we were never that close. After moving to North America I got busy in my life, had a couple of boyfriends, dated couple of guys and I totally forgot about him that I ever wanted to see him shirtless.


But then he sent me that kinda hot video. First of all, I was stunned. But then I instantly messaged him back saying,

"S. is this you playing with your phone os someone hacked your phone?"

And then he said, Yes, it is him!

I was stunned!
I said that was a quite surprise.

And then he replied, and then I replied and we started chatting.

After few minutes he said (typed) that he ALWAYS (yes, Always) found me CUTE and have ALWAYS (again Always) wanted to hook up.

Imagine this thing, you always wanted to work in one cool company as a software engineer, you never applied for that job because you knew your resume will not pass even initial screening and if you end up being in an interview, you won't be able to answer any questions beyond initial introductions question. But you wanted to have that job, but you never applied, then you moved on to other country and then you worked in many profiles, many companies and after gaining years of experience, you can think you can get any job, even a job of CTO, then you received the letter in mailbox, which is a late delivery saying they had liked your profile back in time and offered you job as a software engineer but letter or email took years to come to you.
How you will feel?

 But still, I decently replied him saying that I appreciate he saying this and confessed that I never saw him by that view because of his super famous friends and now I would love to get connected with him to chat because my man is super busy and he is the one I can chat in my own Indian language.
Within a minute his video had taken me back in town and pulled out that confused, shy closeted gay guy in me, I wanted to spend some time with that guy, through chatting with S. To be honest, back in India I never saw S as a husband material, I did thought of him as a cute boyfriend material but I stopped that thought right there and moved on.

 That day we exchanged emails saying we will write each other as a friend and said goodbye. But that evening I was thinking that what if S had come to me years back when I was in India and we were in the same city? What if he just had asked me for a coffee date or asked my phone number and started a chat. Why he could not take some action from his side, considering he was more confident back then than me. From my side, it was NEVER a question of taking the first step. In a gossip-filled gay environment, no shy, closeted guy will go and take initiative for a chat with the member of famous gay royal gang. It was like taking enmity with Regina George kind of queens.  I moved on, he is still there. He has grown a beard, looks huskier in that, uploads new selfies every week on Instagram, tags friends on Facebook. There is nothing wrong with that but is that the only thing you have in your life as a late 20 something single gay man?

 I felt bad and angry about him. But then I saw the super cool side of this story. He never approached me, and I remained single and then I moved to the place where I am today. Had I gotten a guy like S back then, I would have never left him and stayed in my same Indian city. But then I would have never found the wonderful, vibrant men that I dated, I would have never found Ryan.  I had never gotten those wonderful days and memories of my life that Ryan gave me.

 That night I cooked a wonderful butter chicken and closed that chapter with that meal.



There is a quote by some cool guy from history saying sometimes NOT speaking up messes a lot of things that speak up. My situation with S was different. If he found me cute and wanted to hook up with me, he should have spoken with me, given me a confidence in him and he had gotten a super romantic boyfriend like me or at least had gotten good lovemaking from me. But he chose to keep quiet. His keeping quite did not slow down my process of moving out, I came here and met wonderful men.  One's loss, one's gain. But I think a cute possibility of making something good out of life got lost by the shyness of two men (yes, me too taking the blame).


So go out friends, speak clearly, speak straightforwardly, ask him for coffee, or drinks, take out him for a stroll or long drive, bring him cooked lunch if inviting over dinner is too early. DO SOMETHING!

Life is not about sitting back, life is about doing things!
With this, I sign off for now.

See you soon.

Love XOXO

With Who?

Hello Friends.

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend.

The season is changing here. Colors of leaves of trees are changing, wind is getting colder and overall things are getting quieter. We are entering in the new season of Fall here. While surfing on facebook this morning I saw a picture posted by one of my friend's friends. It was a beautiful outdoor, a bench by the beautiful lake and heading saying, "With Who You Would Be Here?". It was an indication of a romantic moment. I tried to think. I thought would that be my recent ex about who I write many recent blog posts? And the thought changed. My inside voice said "NO". "It has to be someone more wiser and mature person".

 And in that very moment, I realized that I have moved on. I no longer miss him I think. I am looking and waiting for a wiser person. This came as a good surprise. Nowadays I am getting more interested in man's qualities than looks. I am more concerned about the inner grey matter than outer good looks. Well, it is a good thing I guess. With the new season, my life is changing, again.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I think I found something.

As you know that this is a place where I write my life’s story. As a single gay man, now I have been writing this blog and been sharing how’s my single life progressing towards finding someone. So, today I am glad to tell you that I think I have done some progress in my journey. I haven’t reached that destination of partnership yet. I am still single, not seeing anyone. But now I got more clarity about what I want in a man. He has to be believer, golf playing were my 2 previous conditions. But now I have decided to scrap off these conditions and shifted my focus to another horizon.

   Lately I have been watching these TV soap operas from Turkey. It started with a male celebrity crush, then I started watching his TV series and along with him, I not only fell in love with those series but also those people, that culture and that country. Today after watching several Turkish TV series I can say I understand Turkish culture. They are family oriented friendly people and I would love to date a guy from Turkey. I live in city of Toronto which is very diverse and we have many people here from Turkey. I would love to meet a gay Turkish man here and date him.

 

 What made me to this decision is my demand. I am not seeking for a temporary relationship. I am looking for a reliable, long term relationship with a man with who I can start a family and raise kids. I found that Turkish men are very family oriented and I am sure that there would be gay Turkish men in Toronto who would be looking towards finding reliable long term life partner to raise family with.

 Am I open to other nationalities? Yes I am. I am not closing my borders, Turkish man is just a preference. My main long term goal is family. As long as gay man has the same goal, I am cool with it. So then I wont mind where he originally is from.

 What’s so special about this decision? See, I have been doing many things to find a right guy but it did not happen. There is a quote by one guy saying, If you keep doing things you were always doing, you will get same results. That means I will remain single. So why not focus in one direction for some time to see if I get desirable results? I am looking for a happy life. For happy life you need good social life, cultural festivals adds a significant amount of joy to it. Even I am Indian, I can no longer go back to my Indian roots, even if I go it will remind me my horrible past. I don’t want that. Dating someone from Turkey will still keep me connected to East. I want to do this, I want to date a Turkish guy and try to live happy life like they show in Turkish TV series. I am not hurting anyone, I will be honest, loving, caring and dedicated partner. Why not make this beautiful possibility into reality? Turkish TV series has given me some kind of hope and now I wanna pursue the possibility.

Let’s see what happens. I won’t be surprised if after six months I am still single. At least I wont have any guilt inside for not had done anything.

Will keep you informed.

Lots of love.

Your Best Gay Friend.

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part I

Hi there.

Today I am writing about one very important subject. This topic is more about geeky, algorithmic stuff.  It is about understanding the way people behave on dating sites and how we can predict their future behavior on dating sites.

 How's this related to gay world? This will help us to understand what kind of men response well and what kind of men response to no one. It will also help you to understand class of men from where you are most likely to get your next friend or boy friend from. It can help you to understand how much time he will take to respond to your message, how long it will take for him to be on chat before sharing picture or phone number. What is a probability that given person has fake profile or real one? What is the best time to upload your new cute picture so that it will get you maximum new messages? What words in first line of your profile will bring you more views and what are must avoid words? These all things can be traced down by the help of algorithm and historic data. By applying algorithm on historic data and general observatory data you can make the predictions. These predictions can be tested on small audience and if results are positive then these can be deployed on masses.

 I am sure that I am not the first one talking about all these things. Big companies and social study agencies have already done huge researches and must have cracked down these codes. But out of us how many know those basics statistics of dating demographics and behavioral patterns of people on dating sites?
With this series of blog what I am trying to bring in front of you is basic observations that can be tested, verified by all of you and with your feedback in comments we can understand the basics of this complex geeky side of this dating world. Within next few posts I will be presenting basic observations and points of previous studies conducted by recognized institutions that can be considered as hypothesis. I am hoping to get your positive support on this project.

Keep in touch. See you son.
Love,
Indian Metro Gay :) 

Some relationships teach us some relationships test

I know it is lot of happening out there in mainstream world. There’s a lot of political, economic and psychological unpredictability. These things do affect our normal lives and our relationships. People involved in relationship are the main pillars of relationsip. So their personalities, moods and behaviour does leave direct effect on relation and on the other person involved in it.  If you see around, break ups have become more frequent and inevitable part of everyone’s life. People are leaving their partners, they don’t want to be in relationship why? Reasons could be so many but the main bottom line of those reasons could be they are not happy with what they have and may be they are expecting something different much better partner than they presently have.

  Remember those school days when our parents would meet our teachers after the results of exams and ask them to tell us the scope of improvement in that subject so that next time we will get more marks in exam? I think even in this age we should do this thing. I am not asking to talk to newly become ex and beg to hear flaws but to introspect ourselves and take account of things that came to us in that relationship.  We should ask a question to ourselves that, ‘it is fine now that that guy has gone but how I feel now? Am I still confident and holding myself up?’ ‘Am I regretting?’ ‘Did I put all my best to save this relationship’ ‘Where should I be putting my more focus now? Job? Parents? Health? Savings?’

  They say don’t dwell in the past but these few questions you have to ask yourself. And see what kind of answers you receive from them, positive or negative? 

Few years back in one British newspaper an article came saying after certain number of heartbreaks you get your soul mate. So in this case can we say that these certain heart brakes makes you more mature and deserving candidate in the race of getting “that special one”? If the answer is yes then it can be said that every relationship teaches you something. But also it tests you. Eastern philosophies say that sacrifice is the key base of any relationship. Everyone who is into relationship sacrifices something towards it. These sacrifices could not be monetary only, they are of different kinds.

  Hence while doing these sacrifices a person also swallows lot of patience. Patience is very difficult thing to digest. While doing these all these things slowly you realize that your cycle has turned into testing and the yesterday’s sweet sugary relationship has suddenly turned up into a tricky fragile test of patience, sacrifice and quest of seeking true desire of heart. Sometimes it become difficult, intolerable and you feel like throwing all these things off, get rid of the bond and be free again.  But then guess what ? Suddenly love of life, does something or say something or even look at you with those lovely eyes and all dilemmas and urging vanishes in the minute and all you find yourself on lovely land of love with your boyfriend.

The heart says YES! This is the reason worth struggling for, I can bear thousand bad days in office just to see him in the evening.  I love him and he loves me and I am so happy in this relationship.

The small bond name relationship suddenly become source of living and food for soul and all those teachings earned from introspection and tests given in relationship starts making sense.

Relationship teaches us great thing by taking great tests.