He Said He Found Me Cute! (blast from the past)

Hello friends. Happy new year. I wish you great  & greetings, greetings & greetings.


You won't believe what happen to me. Just last week, when I was on my break at work, I got this message on Instagram. I opened it and it was small video from one of the guys who used to be a friend of my friends back in India. He sent me a small video as a personal message on Instagram. It was a video in which he was showing his tool and looking at me with inviting eyes. This guy, let's call him Mr. S; used to hang out with the same group of gay friends that I had in India (I would rather call them acquaintances). He was handsome, cute uptight gym going, muscular guy. Even in earlier days, I wished to see him shirtless. But I never thought about him after that. Because of his all up class "Plastic" friends.  He would appear in their all Facebook photos, posts, they were kind of Gay Royalty in my city in India and he was like their dear little brother. I never thought to message him, I was kinda scared of his super loud friends, I was thinking what if I sent him an email saying I find him cute and his friends post that letter on our gay Facebook page and everybody will laugh on me? He was not a troublemaker but his friends were kinda Regina scary, at least I found them that way. That is why when I was in India, I maintained proper distance with that hottie. I think when I was leaving India, around that time I added him on FB, and then last year on Instagram. We never chatted, we were never that close. After moving to North America I got busy in my life, had a couple of boyfriends, dated couple of guys and I totally forgot about him that I ever wanted to see him shirtless.


But then he sent me that kinda hot video. First of all, I was stunned. But then I instantly messaged him back saying,

"S. is this you playing with your phone os someone hacked your phone?"

And then he said, Yes, it is him!

I was stunned!
I said that was a quite surprise.

And then he replied, and then I replied and we started chatting.

After few minutes he said (typed) that he ALWAYS (yes, Always) found me CUTE and have ALWAYS (again Always) wanted to hook up.

Imagine this thing, you always wanted to work in one cool company as a software engineer, you never applied for that job because you knew your resume will not pass even initial screening and if you end up being in an interview, you won't be able to answer any questions beyond initial introductions question. But you wanted to have that job, but you never applied, then you moved on to other country and then you worked in many profiles, many companies and after gaining years of experience, you can think you can get any job, even a job of CTO, then you received the letter in mailbox, which is a late delivery saying they had liked your profile back in time and offered you job as a software engineer but letter or email took years to come to you.
How you will feel?

 But still, I decently replied him saying that I appreciate he saying this and confessed that I never saw him by that view because of his super famous friends and now I would love to get connected with him to chat because my man is super busy and he is the one I can chat in my own Indian language.
Within a minute his video had taken me back in town and pulled out that confused, shy closeted gay guy in me, I wanted to spend some time with that guy, through chatting with S. To be honest, back in India I never saw S as a husband material, I did thought of him as a cute boyfriend material but I stopped that thought right there and moved on.

 That day we exchanged emails saying we will write each other as a friend and said goodbye. But that evening I was thinking that what if S had come to me years back when I was in India and we were in the same city? What if he just had asked me for a coffee date or asked my phone number and started a chat. Why he could not take some action from his side, considering he was more confident back then than me. From my side, it was NEVER a question of taking the first step. In a gossip-filled gay environment, no shy, closeted guy will go and take initiative for a chat with the member of famous gay royal gang. It was like taking enmity with Regina George kind of queens.  I moved on, he is still there. He has grown a beard, looks huskier in that, uploads new selfies every week on Instagram, tags friends on Facebook. There is nothing wrong with that but is that the only thing you have in your life as a late 20 something single gay man?

 I felt bad and angry about him. But then I saw the super cool side of this story. He never approached me, and I remained single and then I moved to the place where I am today. Had I gotten a guy like S back then, I would have never left him and stayed in my same Indian city. But then I would have never found the wonderful, vibrant men that I dated, I would have never found Ryan.  I had never gotten those wonderful days and memories of my life that Ryan gave me.

 That night I cooked a wonderful butter chicken and closed that chapter with that meal.



There is a quote by some cool guy from history saying sometimes NOT speaking up messes a lot of things that speak up. My situation with S was different. If he found me cute and wanted to hook up with me, he should have spoken with me, given me a confidence in him and he had gotten a super romantic boyfriend like me or at least had gotten good lovemaking from me. But he chose to keep quiet. His keeping quite did not slow down my process of moving out, I came here and met wonderful men.  One's loss, one's gain. But I think a cute possibility of making something good out of life got lost by the shyness of two men (yes, me too taking the blame).


So go out friends, speak clearly, speak straightforwardly, ask him for coffee, or drinks, take out him for a stroll or long drive, bring him cooked lunch if inviting over dinner is too early. DO SOMETHING!

Life is not about sitting back, life is about doing things!
With this, I sign off for now.

See you soon.

Love XOXO

When I Read Giovanni's Room

Hello Friends,

Today I am writing about my experience of reading this wonderful novel "Giovanni'sRoom" by James Baldwin. I read this book this spring and it really touched my heart. This is an amazing book and I think every gay man must read once.  As a proud gay man, I am constantly searching notable gay stories and books. I was recommended this book by an elderly gay friend. I took it from him read it a bit but then I downloaded its audiobook version and actually listened to it. Whether I read it or listen to it is not the main post is about. The post is about, how I felt about this book.
 

Spoiler Alert!
  So coming back to book, Giovanni's Room is a story based in very old age. 1950s, set up in France, in the city of Paris. The story is mainly about David and Giovanni. They are the only 2 main characters in this book. Author of the book, Mr.Baldwin has done a wonderful job of storytelling through the narration of David. David is a hot and handsome dude who happens to backpack to Paris, France and there he meets this alluring, charming, loving but smart guy named Giovanni. But then complexities of David's personality mess up the whole things. And as usual, in most of the gay stories we see today, they brake up. Yes, the book does have a sad ending which we all gays hate to see but still, people loved this book because the way this story was presented. David is the person who messed up all the things. David is portrayed as handsome, irresistible, hot man but David is douche. He was dating a woman when he met Giovanni. He is like one of those guys we see on Grindr who say they are "Straight". Or the like the married men who live with their girlfriends but sneak out to bathhouses in lunch breaks. Giovanni loves David, he wanna be with him but when Giovanni needs his help (without spoiling I am writing this) or when he should have stood up for Giovanni in Giovanni's difficult time, David just disappears back to his girlfriend. And at the end of the book, he goes back to his girlfriend.

  This story is set in 50s, and this book was published in 1956.  When you read this book you will get to know that even back then there were some douche guys were there in the gay community. Dating a man while having a girlfriend back in the apartment. Living double life. Not standing for their gay lover and abandoning them right when boyfriend needs them.  We see all these stories happening in gay community even today.

Author Of Book - James Baldwin

So then why read this book?
We all ask ourselves "why men do that?" , "why they act so weirdly?". Well, this is the answer I guess. This whole story is narrated from David's point of view. All those lies that he told, all those backstabbings he did he did from the influence of certain things from his past. Looking tough, smart and solid from outside but from inside men like David could be fragile, vulnerable, scared and unpredictable.  This is a good attempt to understand the psychology of unreliable, unsteady men.

As I said at the beginning of the post, I am writing about what I felt about this book. What Giovanni's Room has given me personally is an ability to understand people and see beyond the facade of their good looks. Giovanni's room was a dark novel, it was like drinking whiskey on the rocks. But this is something you have to do, to get over something or to grow up. At the end of the book, I do not hate David instead I feel pity for him. And Giovanni emerges as a true hero, man of truth rather than some used and ditched guy.


To all my gay friends I would strongly recommend to read this book. Heartbrakes will be there, sad endings or happy endings will be there. But this book is something like a manual that will make you more clear of any final outcomes. In my opinion, this book is one of the masterpieces of gay literature! So guys, read it and enjoy it. 


Lots Of Love!!!

Dating Mr. Perfect

Yes my dear friends, you read it right. Today I am writing about dating Mr. Perfect. A guy I dated last year for a while. It's a quite interesting story. This experience was different. This is the same guy that I wrote about in my previous post "New Season - New Turn In Life."

Early summer last year I became fan of famous Indy movie actor and director Ed Berns. I liked his personality and style. I was always a fan of Ryan Reynolds. I like Ryan's face, he is a real handsome Canadian man. So I started thinking how romantic it would be if I meet a guy who look like Ryan Reynolds and has a personality like Ed Burns? That would be like a sugar in milk, like Xbox one with Xbox gold subscription, like an iPhone 7 with Apple Watch and EarPods. A perfect combo you know? I wished for such a guy and got busy in my regular work.

 And then one day on match.com app I stumbled upon one profile. The only picture visible was he sitting on a chair in shadow. Was not able to see his face clearly but something pinched my heart and made me open his profile. I saw his pictures, he was average looking guy, something was telling me that I must say "hi" to this guy. I sent hi, after few days he replied my hi. We exchanged startup conversation rituals ( how is it going, what's ur name?) and started the chat. One thing I noticed about this guy is that this guy was proactive, he was replying my messages instantly and was writing many lines than throwing short sentences. His profile said he is looking to get married and he asked me to meet within first week of our chat. You might think that this guy was appearing despo but he was not. NO he wasn't a despo kinda guy. He was well mannered, well behaved guy. All his communication was showing that he is eager to know me than sleeping with me.  We decided a day, he came to Swiss Chalet near my house and we met over dinner.

 That was a wonderful first date, he talked a lot, we exchanged many pages of our lives. In that meeting I came to know that he is also fan of 80s music and Simon & Granfunkel like me. That was first time I was seeing him in real and I realized that he does not look like his pictures in real. In real he look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and voice like Ed Burns. Something what I had really wished before. He was a dream come true. I was with a guy who was good looking, good personality, no drama ,mature minded hot guy who was interested in me. He was not like regular fake guys, at least what I felt so. While dropping me home, I was nervous, I did not wanted to appear so cheesy by giving him hug so I gave him hand for goodby shake hand. And he said , common man and hugged me tightly.  He said I am really nice guy and he would love to meet with me again for sure. He dropped me in my drive way and left. I was there still shocked. I can't believed that it happened!

 And so my dating summer started. Ryan ( it is not his real name but let's call him Ryan because he look like Ryan Reynolds) and I texted each other back to back, he added me on Facebook, we talked about our families, his mother sent him picture of her snow filled front yard for me because I like Christmas. We were communicating with each other which is really very rare now days in dating.  He also invited me to his place over weekend. I could not go to his place so he came to my place over a weekend. That was a great afternoon, we started talking and as expected a little bit romance took place. But we did notion any extreme. That evening he took me for dinner at another Swiss Chalet near my house. We had really great time, he talked so much with me openly and even kissed me in public. That is something I had not expected from him, but I liked it, I liked that dashingness in Ryan. I just so wanted to be within more and he too with me. We were having real discussions like grown men. He was so happy and relaxed with me. After dinner he said he will drop me over my place and go home, I asked him to drop in grocery store which was further away from my house and on his way. I told him I wanted to pick up some veggies but all I wanted was spending some time with him. We reached grocery store, this is the place where he kissed me, we said goodbye to each other and he left by saying see you again.

  He left, I was in that parking lot of store feeling stuck, was not able to move, something was holding me there, asking me to call him back. I was feeling suddenly so scared and lonely. Even though I was gonna meet him next weekend as he promised. But I was so scared. Turn out, that's the last time we saw each other.

  In our first meeting or even before that Ryan had admitted that he is getting very busy in office and his boss is doing some stressful things. But after our last meeting Ryan suddenly got busy in his office. So busy that he did not even replied to my texts. He said he got a big promotion or something and that's why he is so busy temporary till X date. After X date he will call me back and we will go to his place in countryside. X date came and went. Turn out that my Hollywood star lookalike had gotten one more promotion and he became more busy and gave me one more date, Y date. Y date came and went, and yes, you won't believe but my great date had gotten one more promotion and had become more busy. And now this time he did not gave me any date buy gave a season. He said in summer he will get back to me. I knew one thing that he was really busy and really getting promotions because he was constantly updating his facebook posts and details. He was not lieing. I really needed to act with patience else I would appeared like a child before him. And that is the last thing I want to happens between us.


Being a mature minded gay man whose heart has been serially crushed, I won't say I love Ryan, I have no expectations from anybody. I would say I really really liked Ryan. He is a perfect man who is not in that downtown drinking scene and has word marriage in his vocabulary. It is so rare to find men like this. I like Ryan because what he is, what he make me feel when I am with him. When I am with him, I feel that event our silence is communicating a lot. He makes me feel heard, he makes me feel needed, he makes me feel complete.

  But being few years older than me, in his backpack he has those few concerns ripped from his previous heart breaks. He will always pull them out no matter what I say and how much wiser I act. He is a big guy now, making a lot of money and that makes this equation difficult from my end. I need to be careful to not appear cheesy to him. I mean, I don't want him to think that I am behind him because he is rich now.  All I can and need to do is wait for his summer to rise. Meanwhile, work on myself, making sure not to  expect anything from him, and not make any plans. So I am doing that, I am going back to school, deleted his number from my cellphone and do not message him on Facebook. I like that guy so much and I won't mind waiting for him. If he comes to me then I will be the happiest guy on earth, but if he not, then this will give me great lesson to me and test. Test to overcome his memories.

 I have dated many guys in my life but never saw a man like this one. This guy is perfect, he is a man. I don't have a perfect boyfriend but at least I have possibility of having a great man as a boyfriend. Sometimes all you need is hope, and that is what he has given me. No matter what come out of this it will not make me sad for sure.

New Season - New Turn In Life.

 This is a month of September and here in Canada we have a Fall season starting. I always loved fall because of its colors. In this season suddenly green leaves turn into Red and Orange. Just a perfect surprise from nature. While enjoying a day to day action packed fun life of summer one day you suddenly stumble upon a tree in neighborhood and find that it hs turned into Red. The Fall is coming. Surprise!!!

 This Fall has not only brought change in nature around me but also has brought many changes in my life. One of those changes are related to color Red. For me color Red is color of Love.  After almost 2 years long hot dry summer finally I am seeing some red leaves in my personal life. :) .  And what makes more surprising to me is this guy is no drama, perfect gentleman. A Man, not a guy.  I am taking things slow with him.  How I met him and all is very funny story.

 Just like advertisements of FMCG products change every 4 weeks, my celebrity male crushes change every 4 weeks. Few years back I got this hot crazy stupid crush on Ryan Reynolds. Then I wished I want boyfriend who look like Ryan Reynolds. Few months back I fell in love with actor and indy film maker Ed burns. I liked his personality, in fact I still like his personality. He appears to be a perfect husband material. So after watching his movies again and again I wished to have boyfriend who has personality and voice like Ed burns.  Just before I saw this guy online, one day while surfing on Facebook I saw this religious post saying your wishes are coming true, comment 'Amen' to accept them. Generally I don't entertain such post but that time something made me to comment on it. I did that and next week I saw this guy on dating site. I said hi to him, he replied and my story started.


 With this post I wanna share this funny story of coincidences. Once I wished to have boyfriend like Ryan Reynolds and once I wished to have boyfriend like Ed Burns. And you won't believe but this guy just look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and nature of Ed Burns' character Gerry from movie Fitzgerald Family Christmas. If this was less then his voice is also similar to Ed Burns' :)

He is a very nice guy, I am gonna give him time, gonna go slow with him. With him I feel something that I never felt with any guy before. He makes me feel like playing game of Golf with him.  Even though he doesn't play Golf, I am gonna give chance to this possible relationship.

Fingers crossed!

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part I

Hi there.

Today I am writing about one very important subject. This topic is more about geeky, algorithmic stuff.  It is about understanding the way people behave on dating sites and how we can predict their future behavior on dating sites.

 How's this related to gay world? This will help us to understand what kind of men response well and what kind of men response to no one. It will also help you to understand class of men from where you are most likely to get your next friend or boy friend from. It can help you to understand how much time he will take to respond to your message, how long it will take for him to be on chat before sharing picture or phone number. What is a probability that given person has fake profile or real one? What is the best time to upload your new cute picture so that it will get you maximum new messages? What words in first line of your profile will bring you more views and what are must avoid words? These all things can be traced down by the help of algorithm and historic data. By applying algorithm on historic data and general observatory data you can make the predictions. These predictions can be tested on small audience and if results are positive then these can be deployed on masses.

 I am sure that I am not the first one talking about all these things. Big companies and social study agencies have already done huge researches and must have cracked down these codes. But out of us how many know those basics statistics of dating demographics and behavioral patterns of people on dating sites?
With this series of blog what I am trying to bring in front of you is basic observations that can be tested, verified by all of you and with your feedback in comments we can understand the basics of this complex geeky side of this dating world. Within next few posts I will be presenting basic observations and points of previous studies conducted by recognized institutions that can be considered as hypothesis. I am hoping to get your positive support on this project.

Keep in touch. See you son.
Love,
Indian Metro Gay :)