My Gaming Affair - Part 2 - How Gaming Changed My Personality, Social and Real Life!

My dear friends. Thank you for reading and loving my last post about gaming. Today I am writing again about my gaming experience. Last time I wrote about how me and gaming’s love story started. When I look back I see that as a romantic love story from 1950s where guy and girl take a lot of time to make love with each other. I was like Natalie Wood from Splendour in The Grass. After getting into gaming the story was like 50 Shades Of Grey. Every day was a new experience for my virgin mind and XBOX was playing like experienced Mr Grey. There is a famous line in Fifty Shades Of Grey, “I never knew what I wanted until I look into your eyes”. I was just like that with little alterations. I was saying to XBOX One that, I never knew what I liked until I played Call Of Duty!

   Gaming came into my lonely boring single gay life late, but better late than never. The first game I played on my console was Forza 5. I didn’t knew it was so hard to play, I was hitting Chrysler at so many places. I though I won’t be able to make it. Then I played Assassins Creed 4. it was really nice experience for me. Watching that beautiful Caribbean green scenary on high definition 40’ screen was a treat for eyes. Also, game was easy to control I liked it. And then after 1 week I brought Ori and The Blind Forest. And here a child in me came out. My all time favourite game till that day was Mario  Bros. It was a fun game, playing an arcade game, making Mario walk on wall, it would move mostly in 2 directions. Or was also like that but with modern edge graphics and beautiful music. I loved playing it. I felt like child again. And then came COD.

  Unti now I was looking at COD like a rich, handsome, playboy, hunk like high school’s senior. Who is best in everything he does, who has many girlfriends, who date only hottest girls. Who is straight and you know he is not even going to reply your ‘hello’ but you so wanna be with him.  But by now I had done some progress in Forza 5, in Assassins Creed I was doing good and Ori was going excellent. With these three friends I had gained little confidence and brought Call of Duty GHOSTS. I had never played such high quality shoot out game before. What if I couldn’t play this game? By huge nervousness I started the first episode of this game. And from then my real gaming life started.

  By this point it is not a hidden thing that I finished that 1st level successfully. But the main scoop is how I felt about it. Imagine if you are a gay guy, you have this huge crush on high school’s football captain who looks like Chris Hemsworth, he who dates girls that look like Taylor Swift, who looks so straight that you know you are never gonna have any chance with him. But one day in locker room you and he is alone, you both share cold passing eye contact from distance, next time when your turn around you find him right behind you, so close, he is staring at you, he is shirtless, and he suddenly hugs you and kiss you passionately. He look into your eyes and say, ‘dude I love you so much’ and both you start making love.

How you will feel if this happen to you? I felt that when I successfully finished COD’s first game episode. All these times I have been seeing COD handled and celebrated by aggressive guys, I had never thought that I can ever play that game and most importantly, enjoy that game. I did it. I loved it. I had risen to a new level. Something impossible to me I had done and I was moved out of my comfy zone! Yes I was feeling victorious. 

 My serious romance with gaming had started. Every day after work I would come home quick and play the video game. Every time I would face difficult level, I would come over it and it would increase my determination, joy and self-confidence! I would shout "Yes I can do it” after every gaming session. It improved my confidence, multi tasking and time management. Not only in games but out of games too. Earlier it would take a 15 mins for me to do a certain job now I would finish it in 5 mins. I was more alert, more detail oriented and had developed keen eye for minor details.  Getting into gaming slowly turned me into a confident person. Talking about alertness in real life, one day in public transit bus one old lady slipped her foot and fell backwards but I swiftly turned and catched her before she fell down on floor. She said me thank you. Every body in bus gave me applauding gaze. I saved a life may be? Thanks to gaming. Now I have more friends, I am dating men with richer qualities, men who are more mature by mind, kinda thorough gentlemen. I often go out more with friends. It is much better than before.

 Gaming has brought many positive changes in my life. I feel like a new person. 

Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay

Ok! Before we go ahead let me clear few things.

I am not crushing on Jason,
I am not saying Jason is Gay,
I am not watching Bigg Boss,
I haven't watched last few seasons of Bigg boss.

Since I dated a Russsian guy this summer, my way of communication has changed. I just cannot speak/write anything other than talking straight. But I will try to write back in my old ways and be enough expressive.

By now we all know that Jason Shah is the new wild card entry in reality TV show Bigg Boss 10.  He is a handsome hunk with haunting blue eyes and killer jaw bone. He has those big muscles will not go unnoticed by any person. He is a handsome man.


The moment I saw him something echoed in my mind. It was a memory of an old conversation I once had overheard in public bus. Two straight men were talking about their friend who was not present there at that time. They were making fun of him and calling him names and gay. What made them declare him gay was his flamboyant body language and slender body. One guy said to other, if a guy has so slender body and he acts feminine,doesn't act manly then he has to be GAY. Ordinary straight Indians have this huge misconception about gay people.  Even media and Bollywood also believes in this it seems. Many gay characters in movies and TVs are slim men with feminine body behaviour.

 They don't understand or know that what they think about us is wrong. Gay community also has manly acting, muscular men with muscular physique. Our community does have men like these. But public doesn't know that and media keeps feeding their misbelief by portraying gay men as flamboyant men. I wish regularIndians could see in grindr, I wish they could see many profiles of men on grindr with pictures of muscular men.


All LGBT community is trying so hard to make mainstream straight society accept us. As a marketing graduate what comes in my mind is a marketing theory that could help straight people know us better.  This marketing Model is AIDA model. What it is? Let me explain. We need to think as if we are launching a new product. First, we need to grab people's attention by showing them something that they never seen before. That is Attention of A. Then create Interest in People's minds, let them have Desire to know hthat new thing and then let them take Action. This sequence of Attention, Interest, Desire and Action is called AIDA model.

I think that presenting a gay man with hot muscles and handsome face will be a good first step of AIDA model in Indian public. This is to bring mainstream people closer to gay community. How it will work on TV?  Bring an out gay man who look like Jason on reality shows like Bigg Boss. And then let people see him. How it will work? Explain below in diagram.

This model has worked before. Lakshmi Narayan Tripathi and Sunny Leone from Bigg Boss season 5, all have won hearts of millions of people by their smartness, kindness and great character. This formula has worked before for lesbians, Transgenders, straight people and now it is time to apply this formula on gay men too.  I know Bigg Boss had many great gay men on their show before but they need to go one step ahead. They need to find a gay man who is so handsome that it will make women day dream despite they knowing that he is gay, he should have so hot body that he will motivate straight men to hit the gym, he should be so smart, well mannered, well behaved and most important - should have a strong character that he will win support of many viewers, he should be so total package that he should win the show by huge public support. And then people (even though some) will see us in a different way and accept us like one of their own.

This whole post was just a summary of all thoughts that came in my mind when I saw Jason Shah. Indian gay community needs to find their desi version of Anderson Cooper, Ellen Degeneres, Tom Daley and Neil Patrick Harris. Gay men have so much to offer, let Indians receive it.

New Season - New Turn In Life.

 This is a month of September and here in Canada we have a Fall season starting. I always loved fall because of its colors. In this season suddenly green leaves turn into Red and Orange. Just a perfect surprise from nature. While enjoying a day to day action packed fun life of summer one day you suddenly stumble upon a tree in neighborhood and find that it hs turned into Red. The Fall is coming. Surprise!!!

 This Fall has not only brought change in nature around me but also has brought many changes in my life. One of those changes are related to color Red. For me color Red is color of Love.  After almost 2 years long hot dry summer finally I am seeing some red leaves in my personal life. :) .  And what makes more surprising to me is this guy is no drama, perfect gentleman. A Man, not a guy.  I am taking things slow with him.  How I met him and all is very funny story.

 Just like advertisements of FMCG products change every 4 weeks, my celebrity male crushes change every 4 weeks. Few years back I got this hot crazy stupid crush on Ryan Reynolds. Then I wished I want boyfriend who look like Ryan Reynolds. Few months back I fell in love with actor and indy film maker Ed burns. I liked his personality, in fact I still like his personality. He appears to be a perfect husband material. So after watching his movies again and again I wished to have boyfriend who has personality and voice like Ed burns.  Just before I saw this guy online, one day while surfing on Facebook I saw this religious post saying your wishes are coming true, comment 'Amen' to accept them. Generally I don't entertain such post but that time something made me to comment on it. I did that and next week I saw this guy on dating site. I said hi to him, he replied and my story started.


 With this post I wanna share this funny story of coincidences. Once I wished to have boyfriend like Ryan Reynolds and once I wished to have boyfriend like Ed Burns. And you won't believe but this guy just look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and nature of Ed Burns' character Gerry from movie Fitzgerald Family Christmas. If this was less then his voice is also similar to Ed Burns' :)

He is a very nice guy, I am gonna give him time, gonna go slow with him. With him I feel something that I never felt with any guy before. He makes me feel like playing game of Golf with him.  Even though he doesn't play Golf, I am gonna give chance to this possible relationship.

Fingers crossed!

How I am seeing OLYMPICS?

My Gaming Affair - Part 1 - How hopeless romantic single guy found his Jake Ryan in the form of video game.

Yes guys, I am writing back again. Been busy with stupid crazy job and my new affair. This time not with a guy but with something else. This new love of my life is video games.



  Wait hold on! Let me explain. I have not turned into that guy who sit all day on couch and play video games. Not yet.  This post is not about me discussing my scores in video games, this post is about how a single romantic gay guy like me found a new excitement in the video games. Till last year I was so naive about video games that I had a wrong impression about them I had an impression that video games are violent, they make you lazy, spoil eyes, spoil health and make you angry person. Not so long ago in my early 20s when I finally accepted myself as gay, I diligently kept myself away from video games. Because back then in India all I would see is angry, aggressive straight guys playing video games where they would play shoot out games, scream out loudly and break the controllers. For newly self accepted gay like me that was a pretty scary thing and I started video games as something straight guy's thing. In those days I did not had gay friends who would play video games. So because of this my first impression of video games became wrong and I started seeing video games as straight guy's thing. If this was less stupid then I came across one more stupidest stupid thought about video games. I got a stupid fear. I thought that playing those shoot out games on consoles will make me straight.


 Don't laugh at me! They have so many gay conversion institutes in USA, my little fear is absolutely less stupid than them. I was not the stupidest guy on earth the day I stumbled upon that thought. Now when I look back I get that it was not fear of becoming straight but the fear of losing awesome gay life and losing love for Patrick Wilson had made me scared.

  So any way, fast forward to year 2015. I was six months post relationship break up, six months old on POF, OK Cupid and still single. In the summer of 2015 on one sweet evening I was in the best buy store. While passing through TV section I saw a guy playing racing game. And there I saw future love of my life. He was broad, powerful and so handsome. His name was XBOX one. I had found my Jake Ryan in the shape of old computer's CPU shaped metal box. I was so amazed to see his graphics and games that I kept looking at him. But suddenly something happened to me, something pulled my shirt and moved me to next isle. And I heard Inner voice.

"Dude, No! You cannot fall for that video game, you are not a teenager, you don't wanna spend your money on that expensive thing. Instead of spending time on playing video games, go to clubs, gym, jogging, spend that time on dating apps to find next good boyfriend." I went home. But that night I was not feeling sleepy something was keeping me awake, image of that console and those video game graphics were constantly coming before my eyes. And then an old memory of gay party came back to me. I was naive 20-21 yrs old. Freshly out of college and newly into gay party scene. I was thousand times cuter back then. That saturday in a party there was a cute muscular guy. He was looking at me, I was looking at a guy behind his ear. He smiled at me, I did not see that. We did not speak, nothing happened that night. 2 years later, I met this awesome guy online. We chatted, I liked his talks, he liked my texts. We started liking each other and then we decided to meet over coffee in cafe. We shared face pictures and yes you are right, this was the same muscular guy who was seeing me that night . I was OK to meet him in cafe but he wasn't. He was offended by that night's behaviour of mine. He found me"rude". He said he smiled at me but I did not. Yes I was fool that night by not noticing this guy's interest in me but definitely I was wise two years later by not telling him that actually I wasn't looking at him but the guy behind him. He took that night's incident like popsicle on sunny afternoon. We did not meet,  nothing happen after that. I had learnt my lesson. I named this lesson as "Cricketer's wicket". That muscular guy had said he was so much into playing cricket (even today also I doubt him on that.)

   Back to 2015's night, I was fearing that this gaming thing should not end like cricketer's wicket.  I had never felt that fear for a guy recently but for that video game console I was feeling it. I really wanted to buy that game and play like that guy playing it in best buy store.
But then again great single gay mind of mine started pushing me for "go out", where I can meet "real people",  do something "real". But wasn't I doing that for years now? After doing all that wasn't I still single? I did not sidelined the idea of being in relationship with handsome guy. No Never! I was always dreaming about boyfriends like I was doing it before but this time my mind was asking for something for myself. Something beyond dating and meeting people but spending some quality time with me. Rather than going on dating websites and pretending like dude from sedan car commercial I wanted to be like 16 years old high school going silly me, I wanted to act free without thinking if that guy is looking at my cute smile, not affraid of ugly tagged pictures on facebook, not so keen about saving hot selfies for POF, not faking American accent, all I was looking for to connect back with that awesome real me.  And I had found that space in video games.

 Finally after all analysis that night I asked myself a question. Since last 10 years I approached many good guys for dating with good intentions. I was never an ugly guy but they had infinite reasons to turn down my proposals and even declined possibility of becoming friends with me. They had some reasons in their minds. May be all of them were looking at guy behind my ear, but now when I have found something interesting which I believe I can become good friend with am I gonna pretend to looking behind the ear of that video game?


 I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I am proud of myself, I take pride in whatever I do, whoever I do that with and that is why now I was gonna buy that new hot video game console and few game DVDs to start gaming with! I was in, I was sold. I had come over stupid fears and reasons and had done something that I liked. Next few days I spent on youtube, forums and stores, doing research and deciding between PS4 and XBX One. It was a tough choice but I chose XBOX One, I found my hands more comfortable on XOne's controller than PS4's. On one sunny Sunday afternoon of May 2015 I had become 21st century's console game playing proud gay man. That old fear of turning non-gay was gone and I was feeling proud in calling myself  GAY GAMER.

Last time I felt this much accomplished when I lost my virginity. I never looked back after that.

Mystery of unknown future..

Mystery of unknown future or should I say mystery of other side?

I do not know that....

Why I am asking this question? It is beautiful Tuesday morning, I am having off, I woke up early, did my tai chi, was having tea and enjoying this beautiful weather and then he came. Thought of boyfriend. Why I do not have a good boyfriend yet? And this time it hurt me. No No No this is not a simple deal for me. I am a guy in my late twenties, I am gay and to be who I am I have done great sacrifices in my life and now when I am in that stage of life where everything is ok I need not to wait for boyfriend. This is what I think.

 To me, what hurt most about not having boyfriend is not that missing fun or love making but what hurt me most is that he is not in my life. he who I love most in my whole life after god. He the one who is my everything after god and there is nothing in this physical world that can be dearer to me than him. Whose even a one single semi smile can make me jump in the sky, who sing "hey dear" can make my day, by looking whom my eyes will lit like thousand candles, bright, happy and with full of energy. I am waiting for him and he is not coming.

 Don't give me advise. This is not my first rodeo. I have done all that meditation, patience, prayer and problem is, it is not that I cannot do it any more but the real problem is what if I do these things for my whole life and he does not come? I mean I am losing my 20s and the way 20s is almost gone in blink of an eye 30s will also go and I am not gonna get a handsome guy as boyfriend when I will be in my 40s. I will be looking horrible then.

 I did so many things to get a good boyfriend, did 16 somvar vrats of lord Shiva, went to gym, took lots of good snaps, enrolled on every gay dating site, went out an "socialized", meditations, visualizations, visions boards, tell me what I have not done?

All it feels like the time is slipping out of my fist as sea sand.  But then I think from another angle. I think that it is me who thinks like it is me who deserves a good boyfriend and I should receive it but what does universe see it as? What does universe has for me? and when? is it now or years laters? or decade or never? philiosophical angles says "chill" and practical angle says"move your butt". Trapped between these two logic I am simple single gay guy thinking about mystery of unknown future.

What DaddyHunt's Youtube Series Taught Me About Real Life Love?

I don't know how many of you have seen this latest video on internet which is becoming very popular in gay community. It is a small youtube series done by DADDYHUNT app. It is very adorable, very cute and simple amazing.

It starts with a lead actor moves into new apartment where  he accidentally bumps into a guy who he thinks is a handyman and make him fix his sink faucet. Later when he realizes that that cutie daddy was not handyman but neighbour our lead tries to say thank you to him and that turns into dinner invitation and there starts the story with amazing ups and downs and surprising turns. What happens at the end is no need to say an amazing ending. It is the much needed serving of enjoyable love stories that gays been craving for long time. A total series of duration of around 7 minutes is as addictively magnificent as any Nicholas Parks romantic novel based movie.

 There are three things I learned from this video. They are Love can happen anywhere, any where you can meet our soulmate, you don't know what that simple "Hi" will turn out to be. Second is never take things what they look as, in movie the lead thinks that the super hot cutie daddy is handy man but in real he is not. I don't wanna spoil anything but at the dinner evening lead one more time take things for wrong impression and so the lead's crush take it in hallway when he sees lead with his friend.

Third and most important is not all gay apps are something bad thing to hang out at. In the movie both men meet in real world first but it is that app where they open up to each other and speak the truth and from there their story begins.  These all gay dating apps need not to be used for physical pleasure purpose only. You can make many things there. It is not app that is dirty but the people who hang out there can make it deal or no deal. So stop looking gay dating apps as some online bath house but try to interact with people there. On apps all profiles are with pis full of cute smiles and sexy abs but no body knows how amazing the human behind that pic or no pic could be.

 I really liked this video of DaddyHunt and I really give them a huge round of applause for coming with this helpful message. Keep on DADDYHUNT, we are waiting for more videos.

Good Start Of 2016, but still there is lot to do.

Good morning friends and brothers. With sun shine of hope and joy of freedom I am writing my first post of 2016.

What a wonderful start 2016 has given us! Supreme court has finally shown some soft side and decided to open our appeal. They have finally decided to reconsider the old British law which they are still having in their books even after British left us decades go.  After the great Indian election so many things are happening in India. Everybody is shouting to prove his point right. Pseudo-intellectual are doing no job than crying for everything but they never cried for our rights.

  Any way, I am happy that this new possibility of change will give us one more opportunity to get freedom, freedom to live in our home country without being criminal and being who we are. So I really wish us all all the best and pray that we get justice. But dear friends our fight does not stop here. Verdict of this reopned case will one more time bring us on center stage where every indian will see us, observe us and I am sorry to say but many of them will judge us. So this is our opportunity to make sure that they do not get any wrong impression about us. In this situation every one of us is a gay ambassador to the whole Indian straight world. Our one act of un-intention will either make them kick out their wrong perceptions about LGBT community and open their hearts for gay people or will drag them many years away from accepting homosexuality. So in this delicate condition my dear friends please be humble and act wisely because believe me my friends there are so many homophobes out there who could be looking for that one chance to prove us un ethical, evil, alien, mentally disturbed and uncivilized. Please don't give them any chance. I know we are not gonna do that this time, in fact we are gonna confidently gonna show them our colorful faces and show them that we are also one of them. And who knows may be then they will accept us.

One thing is true that even court makes it legal, our fight will not stop there.

Hope,

Indian Metro GAY :)