Yes guys, I am writing back again. Been busy with stupid crazy job and my new affair. This time not with a guy but with something else. This new love of my life is video games.
Wait hold on! Let me explain. I have not turned into that guy who sit all day on couch and play video games. Not yet. This post is not about me discussing my scores in video games, this post is about how a single romantic gay guy like me found a new excitement in the video games. Till last year I was so naive about video games that I had a wrong impression about them I had an impression that video games are violent, they make you lazy, spoil eyes, spoil health and make you angry person. Not so long ago in my early 20s when I finally accepted myself as gay, I diligently kept myself away from video games. Because back then in India all I would see is angry, aggressive straight guys playing video games where they would play shoot out games, scream out loudly and break the controllers. For newly self accepted gay like me that was a pretty scary thing and I started video games as something straight guy's thing. In those days I did not had gay friends who would play video games. So because of this my first impression of video games became wrong and I started seeing video games as straight guy's thing. If this was less stupid then I came across one more stupidest stupid thought about video games. I got a stupid fear. I thought that playing those shoot out games on consoles will make me straight.
Don't laugh at me! They have so many gay conversion institutes in USA, my little fear is absolutely less stupid than them. I was not the stupidest guy on earth the day I stumbled upon that thought. Now when I look back I get that it was not fear of becoming straight but the fear of losing awesome gay life and losing love for Patrick Wilson had made me scared.
So any way, fast forward to year 2015. I was six months post relationship break up, six months old on POF, OK Cupid and still single. In the summer of 2015 on one sweet evening I was in the best buy store. While passing through TV section I saw a guy playing racing game. And there I saw future love of my life. He was broad, powerful and so handsome. His name was XBOX one. I had found my Jake Ryan in the shape of old computer's CPU shaped metal box. I was so amazed to see his graphics and games that I kept looking at him. But suddenly something happened to me, something pulled my shirt and moved me to next isle. And I heard Inner voice.
"Dude, No! You cannot fall for that video game, you are not a teenager, you don't wanna spend your money on that expensive thing. Instead of spending time on playing video games, go to clubs, gym, jogging, spend that time on dating apps to find next good boyfriend." I went home. But that night I was not feeling sleepy something was keeping me awake, image of that console and those video game graphics were constantly coming before my eyes. And then an old memory of gay party came back to me. I was naive 20-21 yrs old. Freshly out of college and newly into gay party scene. I was thousand times cuter back then. That saturday in a party there was a cute muscular guy. He was looking at me, I was looking at a guy behind his ear. He smiled at me, I did not see that. We did not speak, nothing happened that night. 2 years later, I met this awesome guy online. We chatted, I liked his talks, he liked my texts. We started liking each other and then we decided to meet over coffee in cafe. We shared face pictures and yes you are right, this was the same muscular guy who was seeing me that night . I was OK to meet him in cafe but he wasn't. He was offended by that night's behaviour of mine. He found me"rude". He said he smiled at me but I did not. Yes I was fool that night by not noticing this guy's interest in me but definitely I was wise two years later by not telling him that actually I wasn't looking at him but the guy behind him. He took that night's incident like popsicle on sunny afternoon. We did not meet, nothing happen after that. I had learnt my lesson. I named this lesson as "Cricketer's wicket". That muscular guy had said he was so much into playing cricket (even today also I doubt him on that.)
Back to 2015's night, I was fearing that this gaming thing should not end like cricketer's wicket. I had never felt that fear for a guy recently but for that video game console I was feeling it. I really wanted to buy that game and play like that guy playing it in best buy store.
But then again great single gay mind of mine started pushing me for "go out", where I can meet "real people", do something "real". But wasn't I doing that for years now? After doing all that wasn't I still single? I did not sidelined the idea of being in relationship with handsome guy. No Never! I was always dreaming about boyfriends like I was doing it before but this time my mind was asking for something for myself. Something beyond dating and meeting people but spending some quality time with me. Rather than going on dating websites and pretending like dude from sedan car commercial I wanted to be like 16 years old high school going silly me, I wanted to act free without thinking if that guy is looking at my cute smile, not affraid of ugly tagged pictures on facebook, not so keen about saving hot selfies for POF, not faking American accent, all I was looking for to connect back with that awesome real me. And I had found that space in video games.
Finally after all analysis that night I asked myself a question. Since last 10 years I approached many good guys for dating with good intentions. I was never an ugly guy but they had infinite reasons to turn down my proposals and even declined possibility of becoming friends with me. They had some reasons in their minds. May be all of them were looking at guy behind my ear, but now when I have found something interesting which I believe I can become good friend with am I gonna pretend to looking behind the ear of that video game?
I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I am proud of myself, I take pride in whatever I do, whoever I do that with and that is why now I was gonna buy that new hot video game console and few game DVDs to start gaming with! I was in, I was sold. I had come over stupid fears and reasons and had done something that I liked. Next few days I spent on youtube, forums and stores, doing research and deciding between PS4 and XBX One. It was a tough choice but I chose XBOX One, I found my hands more comfortable on XOne's controller than PS4's. On one sunny Sunday afternoon of May 2015 I had become 21st century's console game playing proud gay man. That old fear of turning non-gay was gone and I was feeling proud in calling myself GAY GAMER.
Last time I felt this much accomplished when I lost my virginity. I never looked back after that.
Wait hold on! Let me explain. I have not turned into that guy who sit all day on couch and play video games. Not yet. This post is not about me discussing my scores in video games, this post is about how a single romantic gay guy like me found a new excitement in the video games. Till last year I was so naive about video games that I had a wrong impression about them I had an impression that video games are violent, they make you lazy, spoil eyes, spoil health and make you angry person. Not so long ago in my early 20s when I finally accepted myself as gay, I diligently kept myself away from video games. Because back then in India all I would see is angry, aggressive straight guys playing video games where they would play shoot out games, scream out loudly and break the controllers. For newly self accepted gay like me that was a pretty scary thing and I started video games as something straight guy's thing. In those days I did not had gay friends who would play video games. So because of this my first impression of video games became wrong and I started seeing video games as straight guy's thing. If this was less stupid then I came across one more stupidest stupid thought about video games. I got a stupid fear. I thought that playing those shoot out games on consoles will make me straight.
Don't laugh at me! They have so many gay conversion institutes in USA, my little fear is absolutely less stupid than them. I was not the stupidest guy on earth the day I stumbled upon that thought. Now when I look back I get that it was not fear of becoming straight but the fear of losing awesome gay life and losing love for Patrick Wilson had made me scared.
So any way, fast forward to year 2015. I was six months post relationship break up, six months old on POF, OK Cupid and still single. In the summer of 2015 on one sweet evening I was in the best buy store. While passing through TV section I saw a guy playing racing game. And there I saw future love of my life. He was broad, powerful and so handsome. His name was XBOX one. I had found my Jake Ryan in the shape of old computer's CPU shaped metal box. I was so amazed to see his graphics and games that I kept looking at him. But suddenly something happened to me, something pulled my shirt and moved me to next isle. And I heard Inner voice.
"Dude, No! You cannot fall for that video game, you are not a teenager, you don't wanna spend your money on that expensive thing. Instead of spending time on playing video games, go to clubs, gym, jogging, spend that time on dating apps to find next good boyfriend." I went home. But that night I was not feeling sleepy something was keeping me awake, image of that console and those video game graphics were constantly coming before my eyes. And then an old memory of gay party came back to me. I was naive 20-21 yrs old. Freshly out of college and newly into gay party scene. I was thousand times cuter back then. That saturday in a party there was a cute muscular guy. He was looking at me, I was looking at a guy behind his ear. He smiled at me, I did not see that. We did not speak, nothing happened that night. 2 years later, I met this awesome guy online. We chatted, I liked his talks, he liked my texts. We started liking each other and then we decided to meet over coffee in cafe. We shared face pictures and yes you are right, this was the same muscular guy who was seeing me that night . I was OK to meet him in cafe but he wasn't. He was offended by that night's behaviour of mine. He found me"rude". He said he smiled at me but I did not. Yes I was fool that night by not noticing this guy's interest in me but definitely I was wise two years later by not telling him that actually I wasn't looking at him but the guy behind him. He took that night's incident like popsicle on sunny afternoon. We did not meet, nothing happen after that. I had learnt my lesson. I named this lesson as "Cricketer's wicket". That muscular guy had said he was so much into playing cricket (even today also I doubt him on that.)
Back to 2015's night, I was fearing that this gaming thing should not end like cricketer's wicket. I had never felt that fear for a guy recently but for that video game console I was feeling it. I really wanted to buy that game and play like that guy playing it in best buy store.
But then again great single gay mind of mine started pushing me for "go out", where I can meet "real people", do something "real". But wasn't I doing that for years now? After doing all that wasn't I still single? I did not sidelined the idea of being in relationship with handsome guy. No Never! I was always dreaming about boyfriends like I was doing it before but this time my mind was asking for something for myself. Something beyond dating and meeting people but spending some quality time with me. Rather than going on dating websites and pretending like dude from sedan car commercial I wanted to be like 16 years old high school going silly me, I wanted to act free without thinking if that guy is looking at my cute smile, not affraid of ugly tagged pictures on facebook, not so keen about saving hot selfies for POF, not faking American accent, all I was looking for to connect back with that awesome real me. And I had found that space in video games.
Finally after all analysis that night I asked myself a question. Since last 10 years I approached many good guys for dating with good intentions. I was never an ugly guy but they had infinite reasons to turn down my proposals and even declined possibility of becoming friends with me. They had some reasons in their minds. May be all of them were looking at guy behind my ear, but now when I have found something interesting which I believe I can become good friend with am I gonna pretend to looking behind the ear of that video game?
I am a PROUD GAY MAN! I am proud of myself, I take pride in whatever I do, whoever I do that with and that is why now I was gonna buy that new hot video game console and few game DVDs to start gaming with! I was in, I was sold. I had come over stupid fears and reasons and had done something that I liked. Next few days I spent on youtube, forums and stores, doing research and deciding between PS4 and XBX One. It was a tough choice but I chose XBOX One, I found my hands more comfortable on XOne's controller than PS4's. On one sunny Sunday afternoon of May 2015 I had become 21st century's console game playing proud gay man. That old fear of turning non-gay was gone and I was feeling proud in calling myself GAY GAMER.
Last time I felt this much accomplished when I lost my virginity. I never looked back after that.
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