He Left Me, But Gave Me A Great Lesson. Mr. Perfect Do Exist.

Yes friends you are reading right. He is no more with me. He got a big promotion at work and some health issues with his stomach. He said in that long Facebook message that he neither has time nor energy for this relationship. I let him go. But I did sent him a long message, wishing him good and a small suggestion to stand for himself.

  His biggest problem was he cannot say no to people. No wonder his office people gave him more work, he couldn't find time for himself and me and rest you can imagine. In my strong willed good bye letter I said to him at the last that although I am go getter person, at this time I have decided to respect HIS decision. 

   

 Someone has said that there will be infinite, unending numbers of reasons for NOT doing a thing. He was really busy in his work. He chose what he thought is right. He has gone through many heart brakes in life so he took a decision without giving a second thought to heart. As I said in Facebook message to him, I have decided to respect his decision.  I am not crying, I am not sad, I am not happy, actually I am not feeling anything. I am feeling like being in that meditation stage, when ur in that full control of thoughts, you feel good, even though you know that as soon as you step out of that meditation state, regular worries will catch you.

 I am being silent.

This guy gave me something that changed my life. Earlier also I dated few amazing men, when they left me then I felt sad, heart broken but this time it is different. Ryan was best of them, his loss would have made me crazy like anything. But I am not going crazy. I am feeling, calm silent and peaceful. Little time spent with him taught me a lot of great thing and showed me mirror. I do not deserve anything less than Ryan kind of gentleman. Who romance fiction world call 'Mr. Perfect" .

Ryan fell for me that tells me what kind of man I am and what kind of man I deserve. I have decided to take positive from Ryan's experience. Mr. Perfect do exist out there, mine is yet to finish his office meeting I guess.

I wish Ryan great success in his career and health and here I close his chapter.

And here I resume my single gay life. In a same house, with more peace and much more positive hopes.

Lots Of Love,

Your Best Gay Friend.

Dating Mr. Perfect

Yes my dear friends, you read it right. Today I am writing about dating Mr. Perfect. A guy I dated last year for a while. It's a quite interesting story. This experience was different. This is the same guy that I wrote about in my previous post "New Season - New Turn In Life."

Early summer last year I became fan of famous Indy movie actor and director Ed Berns. I liked his personality and style. I was always a fan of Ryan Reynolds. I like Ryan's face, he is a real handsome Canadian man. So I started thinking how romantic it would be if I meet a guy who look like Ryan Reynolds and has a personality like Ed Burns? That would be like a sugar in milk, like Xbox one with Xbox gold subscription, like an iPhone 7 with Apple Watch and EarPods. A perfect combo you know? I wished for such a guy and got busy in my regular work.

 And then one day on match.com app I stumbled upon one profile. The only picture visible was he sitting on a chair in shadow. Was not able to see his face clearly but something pinched my heart and made me open his profile. I saw his pictures, he was average looking guy, something was telling me that I must say "hi" to this guy. I sent hi, after few days he replied my hi. We exchanged startup conversation rituals ( how is it going, what's ur name?) and started the chat. One thing I noticed about this guy is that this guy was proactive, he was replying my messages instantly and was writing many lines than throwing short sentences. His profile said he is looking to get married and he asked me to meet within first week of our chat. You might think that this guy was appearing despo but he was not. NO he wasn't a despo kinda guy. He was well mannered, well behaved guy. All his communication was showing that he is eager to know me than sleeping with me.  We decided a day, he came to Swiss Chalet near my house and we met over dinner.

 That was a wonderful first date, he talked a lot, we exchanged many pages of our lives. In that meeting I came to know that he is also fan of 80s music and Simon & Granfunkel like me. That was first time I was seeing him in real and I realized that he does not look like his pictures in real. In real he look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and voice like Ed Burns. Something what I had really wished before. He was a dream come true. I was with a guy who was good looking, good personality, no drama ,mature minded hot guy who was interested in me. He was not like regular fake guys, at least what I felt so. While dropping me home, I was nervous, I did not wanted to appear so cheesy by giving him hug so I gave him hand for goodby shake hand. And he said , common man and hugged me tightly.  He said I am really nice guy and he would love to meet with me again for sure. He dropped me in my drive way and left. I was there still shocked. I can't believed that it happened!

 And so my dating summer started. Ryan ( it is not his real name but let's call him Ryan because he look like Ryan Reynolds) and I texted each other back to back, he added me on Facebook, we talked about our families, his mother sent him picture of her snow filled front yard for me because I like Christmas. We were communicating with each other which is really very rare now days in dating.  He also invited me to his place over weekend. I could not go to his place so he came to my place over a weekend. That was a great afternoon, we started talking and as expected a little bit romance took place. But we did notion any extreme. That evening he took me for dinner at another Swiss Chalet near my house. We had really great time, he talked so much with me openly and even kissed me in public. That is something I had not expected from him, but I liked it, I liked that dashingness in Ryan. I just so wanted to be within more and he too with me. We were having real discussions like grown men. He was so happy and relaxed with me. After dinner he said he will drop me over my place and go home, I asked him to drop in grocery store which was further away from my house and on his way. I told him I wanted to pick up some veggies but all I wanted was spending some time with him. We reached grocery store, this is the place where he kissed me, we said goodbye to each other and he left by saying see you again.

  He left, I was in that parking lot of store feeling stuck, was not able to move, something was holding me there, asking me to call him back. I was feeling suddenly so scared and lonely. Even though I was gonna meet him next weekend as he promised. But I was so scared. Turn out, that's the last time we saw each other.

  In our first meeting or even before that Ryan had admitted that he is getting very busy in office and his boss is doing some stressful things. But after our last meeting Ryan suddenly got busy in his office. So busy that he did not even replied to my texts. He said he got a big promotion or something and that's why he is so busy temporary till X date. After X date he will call me back and we will go to his place in countryside. X date came and went. Turn out that my Hollywood star lookalike had gotten one more promotion and he became more busy and gave me one more date, Y date. Y date came and went, and yes, you won't believe but my great date had gotten one more promotion and had become more busy. And now this time he did not gave me any date buy gave a season. He said in summer he will get back to me. I knew one thing that he was really busy and really getting promotions because he was constantly updating his facebook posts and details. He was not lieing. I really needed to act with patience else I would appeared like a child before him. And that is the last thing I want to happens between us.


Being a mature minded gay man whose heart has been serially crushed, I won't say I love Ryan, I have no expectations from anybody. I would say I really really liked Ryan. He is a perfect man who is not in that downtown drinking scene and has word marriage in his vocabulary. It is so rare to find men like this. I like Ryan because what he is, what he make me feel when I am with him. When I am with him, I feel that event our silence is communicating a lot. He makes me feel heard, he makes me feel needed, he makes me feel complete.

  But being few years older than me, in his backpack he has those few concerns ripped from his previous heart breaks. He will always pull them out no matter what I say and how much wiser I act. He is a big guy now, making a lot of money and that makes this equation difficult from my end. I need to be careful to not appear cheesy to him. I mean, I don't want him to think that I am behind him because he is rich now.  All I can and need to do is wait for his summer to rise. Meanwhile, work on myself, making sure not to  expect anything from him, and not make any plans. So I am doing that, I am going back to school, deleted his number from my cellphone and do not message him on Facebook. I like that guy so much and I won't mind waiting for him. If he comes to me then I will be the happiest guy on earth, but if he not, then this will give me great lesson to me and test. Test to overcome his memories.

 I have dated many guys in my life but never saw a man like this one. This guy is perfect, he is a man. I don't have a perfect boyfriend but at least I have possibility of having a great man as a boyfriend. Sometimes all you need is hope, and that is what he has given me. No matter what come out of this it will not make me sad for sure.

I Am With LUSH !!!!

Hello again,

Today I am writing about my recent shopping. I am not a big shopper but something happened recently that made me to go to the mall and buy that product even if I never had used it before. In fact it was first time in the advertisement I heard about that brand. I am not into those creative, handmade soaps, but this ad made me buy their soap. 

The brand I am talking about is LUSH, it is a brand of handmade soaps. Recently they came up with the advertising featuring gay and lesbian couple and people just loved it. As per I know it was first time they came up with this campaign showing gay couple and people liked it. For me it was a heart warming experience. Seeing that cute gay couple on the advertisement of such a big brand made me felt recognized and welcomed. So today I went to the mall and brought that lovely soap!

Here I am uploading picture of that cute couple and also uploading picture of my shopping bag :)

Even though I am single, that ad gave me kinda hope in my heart. May be one day soon I will also end up in bath tub with my husband. Details of that news you can find here.

Lots Of Love.

Image courtesy - Lush

Midweek Graphs & Charts (1)

Hello there my lovely readers.  I am doing something new on my blog. Now on I will be posting graphs and charts of gay life stuffs. In the mid of the week I am posting some awesome stuff about things that I felt in the format of formal charts. I hope you will like it. Enjoy it!
Ciao!

My Gaming Affair - Part 2 - How Gaming Changed My Personality, Social and Real Life!

My dear friends. Thank you for reading and loving my last post about gaming. Today I am writing again about my gaming experience. Last time I wrote about how me and gaming’s love story started. When I look back I see that as a romantic love story from 1950s where guy and girl take a lot of time to make love with each other. I was like Natalie Wood from Splendour in The Grass. After getting into gaming the story was like 50 Shades Of Grey. Every day was a new experience for my virgin mind and XBOX was playing like experienced Mr Grey. There is a famous line in Fifty Shades Of Grey, “I never knew what I wanted until I look into your eyes”. I was just like that with little alterations. I was saying to XBOX One that, I never knew what I liked until I played Call Of Duty!

   Gaming came into my lonely boring single gay life late, but better late than never. The first game I played on my console was Forza 5. I didn’t knew it was so hard to play, I was hitting Chrysler at so many places. I though I won’t be able to make it. Then I played Assassins Creed 4. it was really nice experience for me. Watching that beautiful Caribbean green scenary on high definition 40’ screen was a treat for eyes. Also, game was easy to control I liked it. And then after 1 week I brought Ori and The Blind Forest. And here a child in me came out. My all time favourite game till that day was Mario  Bros. It was a fun game, playing an arcade game, making Mario walk on wall, it would move mostly in 2 directions. Or was also like that but with modern edge graphics and beautiful music. I loved playing it. I felt like child again. And then came COD.

  Unti now I was looking at COD like a rich, handsome, playboy, hunk like high school’s senior. Who is best in everything he does, who has many girlfriends, who date only hottest girls. Who is straight and you know he is not even going to reply your ‘hello’ but you so wanna be with him.  But by now I had done some progress in Forza 5, in Assassins Creed I was doing good and Ori was going excellent. With these three friends I had gained little confidence and brought Call of Duty GHOSTS. I had never played such high quality shoot out game before. What if I couldn’t play this game? By huge nervousness I started the first episode of this game. And from then my real gaming life started.

  By this point it is not a hidden thing that I finished that 1st level successfully. But the main scoop is how I felt about it. Imagine if you are a gay guy, you have this huge crush on high school’s football captain who looks like Chris Hemsworth, he who dates girls that look like Taylor Swift, who looks so straight that you know you are never gonna have any chance with him. But one day in locker room you and he is alone, you both share cold passing eye contact from distance, next time when your turn around you find him right behind you, so close, he is staring at you, he is shirtless, and he suddenly hugs you and kiss you passionately. He look into your eyes and say, ‘dude I love you so much’ and both you start making love.

How you will feel if this happen to you? I felt that when I successfully finished COD’s first game episode. All these times I have been seeing COD handled and celebrated by aggressive guys, I had never thought that I can ever play that game and most importantly, enjoy that game. I did it. I loved it. I had risen to a new level. Something impossible to me I had done and I was moved out of my comfy zone! Yes I was feeling victorious. 

 My serious romance with gaming had started. Every day after work I would come home quick and play the video game. Every time I would face difficult level, I would come over it and it would increase my determination, joy and self-confidence! I would shout "Yes I can do it” after every gaming session. It improved my confidence, multi tasking and time management. Not only in games but out of games too. Earlier it would take a 15 mins for me to do a certain job now I would finish it in 5 mins. I was more alert, more detail oriented and had developed keen eye for minor details.  Getting into gaming slowly turned me into a confident person. Talking about alertness in real life, one day in public transit bus one old lady slipped her foot and fell backwards but I swiftly turned and catched her before she fell down on floor. She said me thank you. Every body in bus gave me applauding gaze. I saved a life may be? Thanks to gaming. Now I have more friends, I am dating men with richer qualities, men who are more mature by mind, kinda thorough gentlemen. I often go out more with friends. It is much better than before.

 Gaming has brought many positive changes in my life. I feel like a new person. 

Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay

Ok! Before we go ahead let me clear few things.

I am not crushing on Jason,
I am not saying Jason is Gay,
I am not watching Bigg Boss,
I haven't watched last few seasons of Bigg boss.

Since I dated a Russsian guy this summer, my way of communication has changed. I just cannot speak/write anything other than talking straight. But I will try to write back in my old ways and be enough expressive.

By now we all know that Jason Shah is the new wild card entry in reality TV show Bigg Boss 10.  He is a handsome hunk with haunting blue eyes and killer jaw bone. He has those big muscles will not go unnoticed by any person. He is a handsome man.


The moment I saw him something echoed in my mind. It was a memory of an old conversation I once had overheard in public bus. Two straight men were talking about their friend who was not present there at that time. They were making fun of him and calling him names and gay. What made them declare him gay was his flamboyant body language and slender body. One guy said to other, if a guy has so slender body and he acts feminine,doesn't act manly then he has to be GAY. Ordinary straight Indians have this huge misconception about gay people.  Even media and Bollywood also believes in this it seems. Many gay characters in movies and TVs are slim men with feminine body behaviour.

 They don't understand or know that what they think about us is wrong. Gay community also has manly acting, muscular men with muscular physique. Our community does have men like these. But public doesn't know that and media keeps feeding their misbelief by portraying gay men as flamboyant men. I wish regularIndians could see in grindr, I wish they could see many profiles of men on grindr with pictures of muscular men.


All LGBT community is trying so hard to make mainstream straight society accept us. As a marketing graduate what comes in my mind is a marketing theory that could help straight people know us better.  This marketing Model is AIDA model. What it is? Let me explain. We need to think as if we are launching a new product. First, we need to grab people's attention by showing them something that they never seen before. That is Attention of A. Then create Interest in People's minds, let them have Desire to know hthat new thing and then let them take Action. This sequence of Attention, Interest, Desire and Action is called AIDA model.

I think that presenting a gay man with hot muscles and handsome face will be a good first step of AIDA model in Indian public. This is to bring mainstream people closer to gay community. How it will work on TV?  Bring an out gay man who look like Jason on reality shows like Bigg Boss. And then let people see him. How it will work? Explain below in diagram.

This model has worked before. Lakshmi Narayan Tripathi and Sunny Leone from Bigg Boss season 5, all have won hearts of millions of people by their smartness, kindness and great character. This formula has worked before for lesbians, Transgenders, straight people and now it is time to apply this formula on gay men too.  I know Bigg Boss had many great gay men on their show before but they need to go one step ahead. They need to find a gay man who is so handsome that it will make women day dream despite they knowing that he is gay, he should have so hot body that he will motivate straight men to hit the gym, he should be so smart, well mannered, well behaved and most important - should have a strong character that he will win support of many viewers, he should be so total package that he should win the show by huge public support. And then people (even though some) will see us in a different way and accept us like one of their own.

This whole post was just a summary of all thoughts that came in my mind when I saw Jason Shah. Indian gay community needs to find their desi version of Anderson Cooper, Ellen Degeneres, Tom Daley and Neil Patrick Harris. Gay men have so much to offer, let Indians receive it.

New Season - New Turn In Life.

 This is a month of September and here in Canada we have a Fall season starting. I always loved fall because of its colors. In this season suddenly green leaves turn into Red and Orange. Just a perfect surprise from nature. While enjoying a day to day action packed fun life of summer one day you suddenly stumble upon a tree in neighborhood and find that it hs turned into Red. The Fall is coming. Surprise!!!

 This Fall has not only brought change in nature around me but also has brought many changes in my life. One of those changes are related to color Red. For me color Red is color of Love.  After almost 2 years long hot dry summer finally I am seeing some red leaves in my personal life. :) .  And what makes more surprising to me is this guy is no drama, perfect gentleman. A Man, not a guy.  I am taking things slow with him.  How I met him and all is very funny story.

 Just like advertisements of FMCG products change every 4 weeks, my celebrity male crushes change every 4 weeks. Few years back I got this hot crazy stupid crush on Ryan Reynolds. Then I wished I want boyfriend who look like Ryan Reynolds. Few months back I fell in love with actor and indy film maker Ed burns. I liked his personality, in fact I still like his personality. He appears to be a perfect husband material. So after watching his movies again and again I wished to have boyfriend who has personality and voice like Ed burns.  Just before I saw this guy online, one day while surfing on Facebook I saw this religious post saying your wishes are coming true, comment 'Amen' to accept them. Generally I don't entertain such post but that time something made me to comment on it. I did that and next week I saw this guy on dating site. I said hi to him, he replied and my story started.


 With this post I wanna share this funny story of coincidences. Once I wished to have boyfriend like Ryan Reynolds and once I wished to have boyfriend like Ed Burns. And you won't believe but this guy just look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and nature of Ed Burns' character Gerry from movie Fitzgerald Family Christmas. If this was less then his voice is also similar to Ed Burns' :)

He is a very nice guy, I am gonna give him time, gonna go slow with him. With him I feel something that I never felt with any guy before. He makes me feel like playing game of Golf with him.  Even though he doesn't play Golf, I am gonna give chance to this possible relationship.

Fingers crossed!