Boyfriend is Sunday. Sunday is Boyfriend.

On this sunny Sunday afternoon of Autumn I am writing this post by sitting on couch, overlooking my backyard. Today I am writing this post because I felt something unusual. I just realized that how beautiful this Sunday afternoon is. I am feeling relaxed, I am chilling in this beautiful weather, I am feeling like sunny warm sun rays are cuddling my body fondly. I wont stop myself saying that I am feeling pampered. Isn't it the feeling that we get when we are in love?

     We all have that imaginary vision of would be boyfriend in our minds. We hold that imagination describing how our life would be when we have that cute, caring, loving man in our apartment as a boyfriend. What he would do when we are enjoying Sunday afternoon together in apartment. Laundries are done, lunch is done, we have watched a good movie last night and not glued to Netflix.  We are just enjoying each other's company like body soaking sun rays of spring sun after a long winter. 

  I get all these feeling on sunny Sunday afternoon. I do not have that perfect lovely gentleman in my life who would bring spring in my single wintery life. Not yet. But soon it will come. And this sunny Sunday afternoon give me hint of that future would be thing. 

Although he is not here yet, I know how it will be when he will be here. It will be like a sunny Sunday afternoon.

Boyfriend is Sunday. Sunday is Boyfriend.

Not Without Muscles - Sad Truth Of Gay Life

After dancing, singing, throughout my 20s when I have reached in my late twenties; with very heavy heart I am writing this post to my readers. Almost throughout my all blog posts you were getting a hint of craziness that I have for being in relationship with super-duper hot hunky good looking guy. I spent my whole life waiting for that guy, when passed college I found various things that I needed to get boyfriend. I always though that good job, decent education, good status in society and and good clothes are all ingredients of good romantic life.It is not false. I worked for these things and I got them but now I am heading towards next most essential ingredient that makes relationship with hot guy possible. It is the thing that I have been ignoring and excusing about for my whole life. It is called having oneself a muscular physique.


 I was never a macho guy. Biking, drinking, smoking and up to last few months playing violent video games and going to gym, these all things were manly things for me. I always felt uncomfortable doing them. Especially that gym and diet freakyness. I am a proud Indian Gay and I cannot imagine my life without love and spicy, oily Indian food. So if I don't have boyfriend then spicy Indian food is my chocolate. I don't wanna sacrifice that. I don't wanna sacrifice my early morning good sleep and go to gym! I would rather spend more time in office and earn more money than going regulary to gym early in the morning by sacrificing tasty food. For me it is as difficult as making love to a woman.

I literally feel like dramatically screaming Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

But there is an old saying that you reap what you sow. And then there is one more said saying magic starts out of your comfort zone. I have been doing all possible things to get hot boyfriend but didn't got any. I tried to be balanced and "cool" but no one replied my message. I am not blowing my own trumpet but no matter how much funny I sound here, I have my own gentle personality. I am a very caring guy. Girls that don't know I am gay say about me that I will be a very good caring husband. If I love some one then I love him by my heart, body, mind and soul. I will love not only him but his family also, his friends also even his dog also. I am an adarsh Indian gay guy, I have my own little share of sati savitri Indian nari who sees her husband as god! I will be the man that will love him like lover, play with him like his brother and care him like his dad. This is what I have to offer to my boyfriend. but what if me going to gym and gaining muscles is the first step of all my relationship blueprints? What if having a good body is the first and basic thing that requires in gay love life ? I like muscular guys so I will have to be like one of them. Ripped, muscular with hot body.

 They say looks doesn't matter, love is blind but does that really work in today's real world? Technology has hijacked normal human life, emotions and ways of communication. Everything is myth except tangible material things. Then why not having muscles cannot give you more dates, more replies on Grindr and a hot boyfriend? I know what I want, a hot boyfriend and I am not gonna compromise for that. And for that I need a hot body. So I will HAVE To get that. I don't wanna run away from facts. I wanna have good things in my life and if this is gonna get me a kind of boyfriend that I like then I will do it. It will be a slow process but will do. Not for my physic, not for my self esteem, not for sex but for heart.

 I don't regret of wasting these many years of my 20s without working out because at that time I was working on other important stuffs. I had another battle then. But now when other things in my life are settling down I think I can take this project. I don't have option, I have to take this. This is a biggest sacrifice that I am doing for my future love.
Kill me now honey, for you I am ready to do this even.

I don't know HOW Iam gonna do this but I AM GONNA Do this for sure!

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part ll

.......And Then He Sopped Messaging

Hello friends, I am back. As I said in last part of this series of post ( predictive behavioral patterns), today I am writing about the topic of guyz' behavior that will make you interested in searching upon.

It must have happened with you that you came across a nice guy on social networking sites. You liked him, he liked you and then you started chatting. Everything was matching, you were perfect match. You were chatting with each other everyday, he showed you his emotional side, you shared your secrets to him. Everything was fairy tale kind of perfect and then one day he suddenly stopped messaging you.

 Suddenly he started acting like a stranger, as if he never met you before. He ignored your all messages, suddenly became very busy in work place and developed enough problems, enough cousin's weekend visits to keep you away from him. He just disappeared. This is not a very normal thing. I mean this is happening a lot in gay sphere. You will often meet guys who will tell their share of same experience. It is really heart breaking thing. I mean when at one side you are dreaming to get good life partner and on other side if you keep meeting such kind of people you are gonna lose your nerve, your patience and your willingness to find relationship. 

Why it happens that when that guy is really enjoying your company, he is happy then he suddenly turns away and stops messaging. There must be a strong psychological reason behind it. I am not psychologist to know about it. So I wont comment on saying why it happens. But I am analyst, I work with data, so I would comment from that point of view.

Now days many dating apps have that indicator in person's profile showing how frequently that guy replies to messages or how much your and his personality/nature match. So just like this, why cannot apps show that after how many days of chat this person is most likely to go silent? 

I am not saying that apps should scan their messages and by scanning that data they should predict this result but by observing one person's visit & search pattern they should be able to predict this figure.

 For example Mr. B is that man who disappears after starting good chat. One 1st January Mr. B came to gay dating site for searching cool guys on gay dating app. Then he found my profile there. He kept coming on that app to exchange messages with me. On  Jan 10 we shared our numbers on that dating app. And then we started chatting on phone side by side. By Jan 20 we were so much into texting each other on phone and by Jan 20 our visits to gay dating apps were dropped. After chatting and talking with me over phone till 28th Feb he suddenly stopped messaging me. His last message was sent on 1st March. He kept himself away from dating apps for few days and one day, 15th March he came back on dating site and started visiting profiles frequently. 

 So in this imaginary case Mr B was on dating app for 20 days and then he went away from dating apps for 38 days and at same time some other guy showed same behavior (that was me) and then again after 38 days Mr. B came back online. In this guy's case 28-38 days was the period of his interest in me.  If this guy is showing same visiting pattern over the period of time then 28 days is a time till he will be interested in a guy for chatting over text.

I don't want to go on non-analytical debate here, I mean don't wanna spend time on discussing questions like "no, what if the guy he was chatting with was wrong". I don't want to talk about other possible reasons because I am specifically talking about a behavioral pattern where person suddenly stops texting with no reason. So let's stick to it.

I think it would be a great tool for people on dating sites if they understand this factor of person they are looking online. It will help them to understand what should be the speed of their communication.

I mean, if I knew that that guy was gonna turn statue after 4 weeks I would had never skipped my best friend's birthday for the special date he arranged for me. In fact, I wouldn't had replied to his "Hello there" in first place.

I Am Back

Yes Guys.

I am back to the blogging scene.

And this time I am free. I mean actually free. I am blogging from Freedom.

Now I am blogging from North America. Every word I am typing on this post is word of freedom, security and proud. Oh my god, it is taking me while to find these words, words that I lost after living in darkness of fear for so long time.

Between the life of uncertainty and life of hope, between the life of shame and life of pride, I have chose the pride and hope.

And with this hope I am gonna spread a lot of happiness in your lives.To all those gay men from countries where it is illegal to be gay; I wanna make them believe that love is always possible with hope.

Life is all what we make of, life is a dish made out of ingredients we choose.
SO fill all those tasty flavors in your life.


Love,
Indian Metro Gay!

Why I am quite?

 Being reader of my blog you guyz must be wondering that why I am so much quite on one burning issue? Why I am not writing much on section 377 and laws. Why voice of my ink is not rebellious but rather humorous. The thing is behind the screen of laptop and blog page me too scared, worried and heartbroken. But I chose to keep writing positive side.

   When I started writing this blog I was confused, hopeful Indian gay man in his early 20s. I was seeing lots of problems around me, lots of heart breaks, lots of tears and lots of waiting. I too was going through some of those sufferings. But I had something in my heart that pulled me out of that darkness. It was hope.

I always believed that to change any situation for better all you need is hope. Without hope is nothing possible. And hence by understanding hope and sewing seeds of it in my heart I decided to look at brighter side. I decided to share my positive, humorous thoughts with fellow gay men like me. I starting this blog to express my inner side and also spread some positive vibes in gay society. And I did it by writing post that practically makes difference. It was simple poem in Hindi that wrote about simple guy's feelings made few readers smile, it was book review about a gay stories collection that gave info to other gays about new gay book and it was heart touching post about how closeted gays can approach their mothers towards coming out to made huge applaud.  I wrote simple but important things that happens in every day life of normal gay guy like me.

 Being an Indian gay guy I am not a super popular, super hot young dude who has lots of female friends and whose life is party every night. Living that life is not wrong but having that life should not be necessary.  Some people think that being normal gay means living that popular, happening life. If you are not living that then you are not normal. I wanted to change this thinking of people and tell them that it is ok if you are reading book at late night, it is ok if you are spending day alone and it is ok if you have some problems. Having problem is not wrong but if you are not celebrating good from problems then it is wrong. And this is what I shared through my blog. I am sharing positive hopes through my blog.

  Yes I am very much scared but if I decide to pamper that feeling then I am not doing any good.I want to have a good, free, loving, respected life and I will have that. I don't know how but I know I will have that. It is a hope in my heart that is telling me this.

I am quite means it is not that I don't care but because I have hope in my heart.

Why We Need Indian Language Version of Prayers For Bobby.

Even if we take voice of best Bollywood actress to dub Sigourney Weavers's dialogues we cannot dub her charisma. I don't wanna compare between Hollywood and Bollywood here. Today I am writing this post to share very sensitive point. It's on spreading right information about homosexuality. 

No matter how much we have advanced our English language but still we haven't lost that room of comfort for mother tongue in our heart and so our parents. Need not to surprise if most of ours' parents are not well versed in English & still prefer Bollywood movies over watching Avatar in 3D or Schindler's list. 

When I first saw Prayers For Bobby it touched my heart and I did cried at the end of the movie. It was marvelous presentation of problems of a gay man living in religious family and transition of a religious mother into open minded mother of all, a true story indeed. Sigourney Weaver was magnificent. No doubt about that! Ryan Kelley did the excellent Bobby. Hats off to director Russel Mulcachy for presenting realistic image of gays in media. Every gay man who has seen that movie really appreciated and liked that movie, and so their good straight friends too. This movie is a perfect eye opener.

We cannot expect such movie in Bollywood yet. But this is a must watch for those who are gay and those who are related to gays. It is an eye opener for those who do not understand what homosexuality really is. It is a sympathetic movie that portrays a mother in center stage. Whole movie moves around a mother of a gay man. Any mother who has a gay son can relate herself to the reluctant but caring mother in the movie. It is a great resource which will help families to understand their kids and accept them. 

But it is in English. Most of Indian Gay's parents can understand English and they often watch English movies but this is not enough. Still there is huge number of parents who don't understand English or they understand North American English accent. So for them, seeing movie like Prayers for Bobby will not leave the enough impact on parents. Listening dialogues in Hindi or any other Indian language will make them understand the situation in movie more clearly. It will help them to relate with the characters on the movie which will later turn into empathy. Once they are emotionally connected with the characters, they can feel their pain, suffering and analyze the situation from different angle. No parents would want their children to suffer, once they understood their child's suffering, that could change their mind.

Since in last several years LGBT movements has soared in India and many initiatives are getting taken by LGBT groups to spread right awareness of homosexuality in parents of LGBT people. They are doing excellent job towards bringing parents and gays closer. But if we could present movies like Prayers for Bobby to parents in the Indian languages it will really leave the great impact on parents.

There are so many great movies “Mambo Italiano”, “Chicken Tikka Masala”, “Touch Of Pink” and list goes on. If we could present it to parents in Indian languages and make them watch and understand it, it will be a really great effort.

This is my honest thought, thought to share with you. Think about it guys.

Life with difficult sibling

(who hates Gays and who might know you are Gay)

Siblings are one of the most important part of life. They are that strong part of family whose presence plays important role in our family life. In a  life he time we spend with brothers or sister are more than the time we spend  with parents and spouses. This important person suppose to be your best friend, good allies and secret keeper. But not all people have good time with siblings.

 I come from a typical Indian family where I am an elder son and I have a younger sister who is far ahead of her age. Being daughter and youngest child she has her own sets of privileges under the foreseen predictions that makes her "gonna staty for few days". Heavily pampered by dad, lees restricted by mother this great sister of mine grew up adamant, arrogant, short tempered and unfortunately homophobic. Yes, my sister is homophobic and she secretly know that I am gay.  It was a tee shirt I brought long back saying "My Ex is a Supermodel" and when I was showing her that tee mistakenly I uttered 'it suits me, my ex was supermodel kinda handsome' and here I stopped. She didn't reacted then but her behavior suddenly changed from next day. I am not open to my family but she has enough reasons to hate me. She is one of those highly educated MNC employee who always has huge tensions and so she use that cause as good reason to bully me. Whatever I say, whatever i suggest turns into some intellectual objection and sister starts debate that ends into tantrum or serious shouting (by her, not me). And it always happens, so if I have to suggest nice dress for her (why not? I am GAY!) she will turn it into fight and blame it as space violation. If I suggest a good furniture piece for her room it will turn into trespassing personal matter. So whatever I say, she has good reason to fight it.

 It wasn't bad earlier. She was calm, balanced and diplomatic person. But now days she just need reason to blow out in family court. And since she is protected under the clause of "guest of several days" all hearings go in her favor and it is me who needs to suffer. Do I get mad by this? Off course. My all gay friends' sisters know that they are gay and they openly support their brothers. They are like best friends. I have good female friends who know I am gay and with whom I spend good time. The see me as brother and we have that brother sister kind of love. By this way I am brother so many women. But what about my own sister? Why should not I feel like having her more understanding, calm and friendly towards me. I did all good initiatives from my side. I always keep calm and took step back when she throw tantrums and solve the dispute. But why not I cannot be what I am with her? Why not I can talk to her freely or suggest her good designer dresses from my gay angle and why not she just listen to it and say "yes" even if namesake?  If she is so much intellectual and graduated from upper crust b-school why she could not control her office tensions and just not harsh with me.

 She mingles in society where there are lots of gays and lesbians. Off course she must have come across any gay or lesbian person in her college or place of work so why she is getting so terrorized by we people? Every person thinks that his or her angle of thoughts are right but sometime person has to move out and see thinks from other person's angles and do things just for other people even if he/she hates doing that task. We don't live in same house but all I want is whatever time we spend together we should spend it nicely. Just like those days when we were kids. She would laugh on my every act of joke and every mimicry and I would enjoy her friendly warm caring presence. But now where those things have gone? I mean if I say we have to spend an evening together nicely and enjoy each other's company, there will be infinite reasons to not do that thing. But to do that thing you need only one reason. The reason of love. That will make you cast off all the problems and so called tensions.

I don't know when my sister is gonna change her thoughts and view about me but I am gonna be the same funny brother, same caring brother, same loving brother and same Gay person.