Why I am quite?

 Being reader of my blog you guyz must be wondering that why I am so much quite on one burning issue? Why I am not writing much on section 377 and laws. Why voice of my ink is not rebellious but rather humorous. The thing is behind the screen of laptop and blog page me too scared, worried and heartbroken. But I chose to keep writing positive side.

   When I started writing this blog I was confused, hopeful Indian gay man in his early 20s. I was seeing lots of problems around me, lots of heart breaks, lots of tears and lots of waiting. I too was going through some of those sufferings. But I had something in my heart that pulled me out of that darkness. It was hope.

I always believed that to change any situation for better all you need is hope. Without hope is nothing possible. And hence by understanding hope and sewing seeds of it in my heart I decided to look at brighter side. I decided to share my positive, humorous thoughts with fellow gay men like me. I starting this blog to express my inner side and also spread some positive vibes in gay society. And I did it by writing post that practically makes difference. It was simple poem in Hindi that wrote about simple guy's feelings made few readers smile, it was book review about a gay stories collection that gave info to other gays about new gay book and it was heart touching post about how closeted gays can approach their mothers towards coming out to made huge applaud.  I wrote simple but important things that happens in every day life of normal gay guy like me.

 Being an Indian gay guy I am not a super popular, super hot young dude who has lots of female friends and whose life is party every night. Living that life is not wrong but having that life should not be necessary.  Some people think that being normal gay means living that popular, happening life. If you are not living that then you are not normal. I wanted to change this thinking of people and tell them that it is ok if you are reading book at late night, it is ok if you are spending day alone and it is ok if you have some problems. Having problem is not wrong but if you are not celebrating good from problems then it is wrong. And this is what I shared through my blog. I am sharing positive hopes through my blog.

  Yes I am very much scared but if I decide to pamper that feeling then I am not doing any good.I want to have a good, free, loving, respected life and I will have that. I don't know how but I know I will have that. It is a hope in my heart that is telling me this.

I am quite means it is not that I don't care but because I have hope in my heart.

Why We Need Indian Language Version of Prayers For Bobby.

Even if we take voice of best Bollywood actress to dub Sigourney Weavers's dialogues we cannot dub her charisma. I don't wanna compare between Hollywood and Bollywood here. Today I am writing this post to share very sensitive point. It's on spreading right information about homosexuality. 

No matter how much we have advanced our English language but still we haven't lost that room of comfort for mother tongue in our heart and so our parents. Need not to surprise if most of ours' parents are not well versed in English & still prefer Bollywood movies over watching Avatar in 3D or Schindler's list. 

When I first saw Prayers For Bobby it touched my heart and I did cried at the end of the movie. It was marvelous presentation of problems of a gay man living in religious family and transition of a religious mother into open minded mother of all, a true story indeed. Sigourney Weaver was magnificent. No doubt about that! Ryan Kelley did the excellent Bobby. Hats off to director Russel Mulcachy for presenting realistic image of gays in media. Every gay man who has seen that movie really appreciated and liked that movie, and so their good straight friends too. This movie is a perfect eye opener.

We cannot expect such movie in Bollywood yet. But this is a must watch for those who are gay and those who are related to gays. It is an eye opener for those who do not understand what homosexuality really is. It is a sympathetic movie that portrays a mother in center stage. Whole movie moves around a mother of a gay man. Any mother who has a gay son can relate herself to the reluctant but caring mother in the movie. It is a great resource which will help families to understand their kids and accept them. 

But it is in English. Most of Indian Gay's parents can understand English and they often watch English movies but this is not enough. Still there is huge number of parents who don't understand English or they understand North American English accent. So for them, seeing movie like Prayers for Bobby will not leave the enough impact on parents. Listening dialogues in Hindi or any other Indian language will make them understand the situation in movie more clearly. It will help them to relate with the characters on the movie which will later turn into empathy. Once they are emotionally connected with the characters, they can feel their pain, suffering and analyze the situation from different angle. No parents would want their children to suffer, once they understood their child's suffering, that could change their mind.

Since in last several years LGBT movements has soared in India and many initiatives are getting taken by LGBT groups to spread right awareness of homosexuality in parents of LGBT people. They are doing excellent job towards bringing parents and gays closer. But if we could present movies like Prayers for Bobby to parents in the Indian languages it will really leave the great impact on parents.

There are so many great movies “Mambo Italiano”, “Chicken Tikka Masala”, “Touch Of Pink” and list goes on. If we could present it to parents in Indian languages and make them watch and understand it, it will be a really great effort.

This is my honest thought, thought to share with you. Think about it guys.

Life with difficult sibling

(who hates Gays and who might know you are Gay)

Siblings are one of the most important part of life. They are that strong part of family whose presence plays important role in our family life. In a  life he time we spend with brothers or sister are more than the time we spend  with parents and spouses. This important person suppose to be your best friend, good allies and secret keeper. But not all people have good time with siblings.

 I come from a typical Indian family where I am an elder son and I have a younger sister who is far ahead of her age. Being daughter and youngest child she has her own sets of privileges under the foreseen predictions that makes her "gonna staty for few days". Heavily pampered by dad, lees restricted by mother this great sister of mine grew up adamant, arrogant, short tempered and unfortunately homophobic. Yes, my sister is homophobic and she secretly know that I am gay.  It was a tee shirt I brought long back saying "My Ex is a Supermodel" and when I was showing her that tee mistakenly I uttered 'it suits me, my ex was supermodel kinda handsome' and here I stopped. She didn't reacted then but her behavior suddenly changed from next day. I am not open to my family but she has enough reasons to hate me. She is one of those highly educated MNC employee who always has huge tensions and so she use that cause as good reason to bully me. Whatever I say, whatever i suggest turns into some intellectual objection and sister starts debate that ends into tantrum or serious shouting (by her, not me). And it always happens, so if I have to suggest nice dress for her (why not? I am GAY!) she will turn it into fight and blame it as space violation. If I suggest a good furniture piece for her room it will turn into trespassing personal matter. So whatever I say, she has good reason to fight it.

 It wasn't bad earlier. She was calm, balanced and diplomatic person. But now days she just need reason to blow out in family court. And since she is protected under the clause of "guest of several days" all hearings go in her favor and it is me who needs to suffer. Do I get mad by this? Off course. My all gay friends' sisters know that they are gay and they openly support their brothers. They are like best friends. I have good female friends who know I am gay and with whom I spend good time. The see me as brother and we have that brother sister kind of love. By this way I am brother so many women. But what about my own sister? Why should not I feel like having her more understanding, calm and friendly towards me. I did all good initiatives from my side. I always keep calm and took step back when she throw tantrums and solve the dispute. But why not I cannot be what I am with her? Why not I can talk to her freely or suggest her good designer dresses from my gay angle and why not she just listen to it and say "yes" even if namesake?  If she is so much intellectual and graduated from upper crust b-school why she could not control her office tensions and just not harsh with me.

 She mingles in society where there are lots of gays and lesbians. Off course she must have come across any gay or lesbian person in her college or place of work so why she is getting so terrorized by we people? Every person thinks that his or her angle of thoughts are right but sometime person has to move out and see thinks from other person's angles and do things just for other people even if he/she hates doing that task. We don't live in same house but all I want is whatever time we spend together we should spend it nicely. Just like those days when we were kids. She would laugh on my every act of joke and every mimicry and I would enjoy her friendly warm caring presence. But now where those things have gone? I mean if I say we have to spend an evening together nicely and enjoy each other's company, there will be infinite reasons to not do that thing. But to do that thing you need only one reason. The reason of love. That will make you cast off all the problems and so called tensions.

I don't know when my sister is gonna change her thoughts and view about me but I am gonna be the same funny brother, same caring brother, same loving brother and same Gay person.

Why an Indian Gay Men (& even straight men too) Should Not Go Crazy Behind Diet!

 Before all those technical, medical, dietary vocabulary starts gathering in your mind I want to say that, calm down guys. This is not gonna be like regular post where self-proclaimed nutritionist preaches about fitness and health.

 In fact I am gonna say opposite. Why we should not get obsessed with diet and miss one of the greatest pleasures of life. I know diets is important, it keeps you fit, body in temple and all those punchlines I know. But after seeing all my diet obsessed friend I see that they are avoiding one of the most delicious foods and drinks and missing the fun. I know we all wanna look good, fine and have that hot dashing personality and we all work towards it every day by shedding litres of sweat in the gym. We all take those expensive gym memberships and post pics on FB from. I too have a gym membership where I go and workout regularly and always adore muscular improvement of my body. But is that all?

 Seeing expanded big muscles makes you feel touch the sky and gives your eyes pleasure but what about other organs? What about nose that wanna smell great recipes and tongue that wanna embrace taste of enormously delicious recipes. What will replace this joy? Few more likes on facebook? Life is short and heavily unpredictable, relationships are heavily getting fragile and nothing is long lastingly reliable. If this was less then everyday new health problems are occurring. Every month health magazine writes side effects of some vegetable and after googling about it  you shall find benefits of same vegetable on other website. So if every food has its own set of advantages and disadvantages why should we sacrifice the taste of palate and avoid it just because some magazine said so? If you are committed to your gym then no food item can build extra layer of fats on your tummy and no ingredient can still those muscles from your biceps.

  As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray & Love; no guy is gonna notice that extra pound on your body once he sees you naked, all he is gonna see that is you are naked. I am not saying here that stops gyming, stop diet and be fat. No! All I want to say that be slow, don’t get obsessed with any new trend. It is your life and only you are gonna fill it with beautiful or awful experiences. Our country has beautiful delicacies and so other countries too. Enjoy that food, that variety and satiate your tongue. Those temporary abs gained after following strict diet does not guarantee genuinely romantic boyfriend but that one plate of Pani-Puri or Samosa-Chat definitely guarantees good time with friends and some permanent good memories for future.  Those big muscles gained after meal replacement protein shake does give happiness but it is not as high as enjoying parathas with ghee at weekly family reunion dinner.  

 At the end all that matters is happiness and relationships with people in life. At the end only remain is memories. So guys make some good memories for future. Let this food be the reason to create them. Definitely do hard gymind, diet but don’t go crazy behind it and don’t give distance to food. Who knows tomorrow by some reason you get restricted to eat certain item for life? Before that have it and enjoy it. 

Satiating desire of heart is not in your hands but at least satiating hunger for taste is in your plate. So grab it :)

People's Behavior Patterns and Predictions on Dating Sites : Part I

Hi there.

Today I am writing about one very important subject. This topic is more about geeky, algorithmic stuff.  It is about understanding the way people behave on dating sites and how we can predict their future behavior on dating sites.

 How's this related to gay world? This will help us to understand what kind of men response well and what kind of men response to no one. It will also help you to understand class of men from where you are most likely to get your next friend or boy friend from. It can help you to understand how much time he will take to respond to your message, how long it will take for him to be on chat before sharing picture or phone number. What is a probability that given person has fake profile or real one? What is the best time to upload your new cute picture so that it will get you maximum new messages? What words in first line of your profile will bring you more views and what are must avoid words? These all things can be traced down by the help of algorithm and historic data. By applying algorithm on historic data and general observatory data you can make the predictions. These predictions can be tested on small audience and if results are positive then these can be deployed on masses.

 I am sure that I am not the first one talking about all these things. Big companies and social study agencies have already done huge researches and must have cracked down these codes. But out of us how many know those basics statistics of dating demographics and behavioral patterns of people on dating sites?
With this series of blog what I am trying to bring in front of you is basic observations that can be tested, verified by all of you and with your feedback in comments we can understand the basics of this complex geeky side of this dating world. Within next few posts I will be presenting basic observations and points of previous studies conducted by recognized institutions that can be considered as hypothesis. I am hoping to get your positive support on this project.

Keep in touch. See you son.
Love,
Indian Metro Gay :) 

Some relationships teach us some relationships test

I know it is lot of happening out there in mainstream world. There’s a lot of political, economic and psychological unpredictability. These things do affect our normal lives and our relationships. People involved in relationship are the main pillars of relationsip. So their personalities, moods and behaviour does leave direct effect on relation and on the other person involved in it.  If you see around, break ups have become more frequent and inevitable part of everyone’s life. People are leaving their partners, they don’t want to be in relationship why? Reasons could be so many but the main bottom line of those reasons could be they are not happy with what they have and may be they are expecting something different much better partner than they presently have.

  Remember those school days when our parents would meet our teachers after the results of exams and ask them to tell us the scope of improvement in that subject so that next time we will get more marks in exam? I think even in this age we should do this thing. I am not asking to talk to newly become ex and beg to hear flaws but to introspect ourselves and take account of things that came to us in that relationship.  We should ask a question to ourselves that, ‘it is fine now that that guy has gone but how I feel now? Am I still confident and holding myself up?’ ‘Am I regretting?’ ‘Did I put all my best to save this relationship’ ‘Where should I be putting my more focus now? Job? Parents? Health? Savings?’

  They say don’t dwell in the past but these few questions you have to ask yourself. And see what kind of answers you receive from them, positive or negative? 

Few years back in one British newspaper an article came saying after certain number of heartbreaks you get your soul mate. So in this case can we say that these certain heart brakes makes you more mature and deserving candidate in the race of getting “that special one”? If the answer is yes then it can be said that every relationship teaches you something. But also it tests you. Eastern philosophies say that sacrifice is the key base of any relationship. Everyone who is into relationship sacrifices something towards it. These sacrifices could not be monetary only, they are of different kinds.

  Hence while doing these sacrifices a person also swallows lot of patience. Patience is very difficult thing to digest. While doing these all these things slowly you realize that your cycle has turned into testing and the yesterday’s sweet sugary relationship has suddenly turned up into a tricky fragile test of patience, sacrifice and quest of seeking true desire of heart. Sometimes it become difficult, intolerable and you feel like throwing all these things off, get rid of the bond and be free again.  But then guess what ? Suddenly love of life, does something or say something or even look at you with those lovely eyes and all dilemmas and urging vanishes in the minute and all you find yourself on lovely land of love with your boyfriend.

The heart says YES! This is the reason worth struggling for, I can bear thousand bad days in office just to see him in the evening.  I love him and he loves me and I am so happy in this relationship.

The small bond name relationship suddenly become source of living and food for soul and all those teachings earned from introspection and tests given in relationship starts making sense.

Relationship teaches us great thing by taking great tests. 

मै पंछी हु आजाद आसमान का

This is the poem I have written. I am dedicating this poem to all those LGBT people who are fighting for their freedom and right!


मै पंछी हु आजाद आसमान का
मुझे इन बन्दिशोंके पिँजरोंमे मत बांधो
मै बना हूँ खुले आसमानमें अपने पर फ़ैलाने
इन पैरोंको मत काटो बंधू


शरद्की ठंडी हवाओंजैसे
काट रहे है मेरे पर भयके समीर
कभी भरा हुवा था मेरी खुशियोंका पुष्प पुंज
अब बस रह गया है पेड़ पतझड़ का


मत छीनो मेरी आजादी
नहीं घातक यह तुम्हारे प्रति
वर्षोंकी ग्रीष्मपीड़ाके बाद
अब जा के आई थी मेरी वर्ष पहली


मै पंछी हु आजाद आसमान का
मुझे इन बन्दिशोंके पिँजरोंमे मत बांधो भाई
जियो और जीने दो सबको
चलो लाये इस धरती पर खुशिया और शांति

I am writing again!

Yes! I am writing again.

 After log shock I have clinched my pen again and writing my thoughts on the paper. It was like as if I was hit badly by a car and I was in a shock. My soul is shattered and earth beneath my feet has been pulled away. I feel like Sandra Bullock from Gravity. Lost in space and no way back home. What put me in this situation? A change in my country’s law. Now suddenly I am criminal. I cannot be myself. In last 3-4 years when it was legal, I had gotten freedom. I was happy to express my identity. But the thing that I was happy about most was for my nation India. I was feeling like I have come out to my parents and my parents, and here I mean my nation has embraced and accepted me the way I am. 

  But because of this change in law I feel like suddenly my nation has stop loving me. In one minute the relationship of acceptance is torn apart and me and my country have become strangers. For many months I was angry, devastated and sad. Even now also m feeling same but I now I have hoped for better future for all. I was always a positive thinking guy. So now also I think that something good will happen. May be some miracle or something; that will make everything good. Although sounds like kid’s fairy tale, I won’t mind believing in it.

 Because I am gonna believe in love, freedom and happiness. And hence I have decided to start writing again. I am gonna write again guys.

Stay tuned.

Love,

Indian Metro Gay!