Stay Strong, This Too Shall Pass.

Dear Friends,

Hello from my apartment in Toronto. Today I decided to pen down few inspirational words for those who are struggling emotionally during this COVID 19 lockdown and pandemic. As we all can guess, most of us are inside our houses and apartments. We are not going out. Some of us haven't gone outside in weeks. And this is putting a lot of emotional pressure on us. Lot of us are scared of getting infected with this virus, others cannot just see being so helpless. Even I am also not happy because of this stay home situation.
  But dear friends, this too shall pass. I know things look very grim and we are seeing soaring figures of new patients getting infected everyday. But we have to believe that things will change and our lives will go to normal. And one day we will start going out and start living normal life. But it  is just now we have to be careful and stay inside, stay careful. Please take care of yourselves, don't let your heart fall into despair. Use this time to create something that will remain as good memory for rest of your life. Write your thoughts, do some origami (heard that is good for stress), do some exrercise, learn new language, read some book. Plan your next vacation. Do something that will keep your mind active. But don't sit idle. Please think that things could have been worse. Believe it or not but I spent almost all of my life back in India like this. Sitting inside, not going out much because boys would bully or beat me. No one to talk to, no one to talk about my hobbies with. Even if stay inside then my brash father would beat me to make me a "MAN". Living in constant fear. But I used that time to read books and learn about world outside four walls of my house. And today I am here in Canada living my life safely and without any fear. If I can survive in situation worse than this for 20 + years, then you can at least give some try. 
   I never wanted to bring about my past but lately I have been feeling this push of responsibility from inside to pen down this to encourage others to stay inside. There are millions of people in other end of the world living in far worse situation for years. Compared to that, this few months of stay home situation is nothing. We can at least stay inside and be grateful that one day things will change.  So my dear friends. Please be safe. Take care of your health and your heart. Be positive. And we will go out in sunshine again.

See Yah.

Happy Social Distancing!

He Is So Much Into Me…..When My Friend Fell For Me!

Dear friends, you won’t believe what happened with me this weekend. I came to know that a friend of mine is after me .He likes me and he wants to be my boyfriend. All this time I was thinking that we are just friends. But he gave me indirect signal that he wanna be my boyfriend. I am so shocked. He is my best friend. I like him as a friend but not as a boyfriend, but he is so much into me.

 Let me start from the beginning. Last year I met this guy through a friend. Let’s call him by name Alan (which is not his real name). In the first glance I was taken by Alan’s amusing lively nature. He is that kind of man who would come to you and say Hi. Within few minutes we were sharing jokes and laughing, within hour we shared phone numbers. My gosh he was (and still is) a cool man. He is very funny and I like funny people. In fact I was looking for gay friend like Alan with who I can freely chat, laugh and share gay jokes which I cannot share with my other too busy, too serious or too sad gay friends. But with Alan, it was like sitting over a pint of beer on Friday night in a pub. I liked him as a person and he shared same reactions for me. We became good friends, kinda best buddies, we would meet over star bucks, drink coffee and talk about men, sex, travel and some serious stuff too. Throughout this whole time we shared a lot about each other within ourselves. He knows my past and I know his. In Alan I really found a best friend. But then this weekend everything changed.

 It was my idea to meet him over Ramen, we met in a Ramen shop south on Carlton on Church. It was a good place, food was good and everything was going perfect and we were talking about men and relationships. It was then the first time he said that well crafted signal attached in a sentence “..some times the things are in front of you”. I was talking about finding a good boyfriend and he replied with some philosophical answer and at the end of that answer he added that well crafted sentence. I didn’t get his signal at that moment but after dinner we went for a walk. There was a beautiful park where we sat down for a while and there he said that sentence again during the discussion “..some times the things are right in front of you, you just have to identify it”. And this is where I got what he was saying. He is smart, he was throwing that line by waving well into the discussion that it would be perfect vague idea but clear a signal. Oh My God! In that moment I found that he was hitting on me. I had to say something to clear my point. I started acting as if I didn’t got his signal and said him following things.

 I told him that relationship is a very serious matter for me and this time when I go into relationship, I wanna make sure that this is the guy I wanna be with. I have several expectations from the guy and I don’t wanna be with a guy who don’t have those qualities. When I say expectations, I don’t have super high expectations like he has to be super model and super rich…but at least he should be of my age and with who I can move with in life. Some one I can connect with, someone with who I can feel that “YES, this is the one”. I have come all the way, thousands of miles from my previous country and after coming this long I don’t wanna be in relationship with someone with who I don’t wanna be in relationship with. I don’t want to compromise on few things when it comes to my life partner. If I have to compromise then it will be as unfortunate as a gay man going back in closet and marrying to a young woman for a money and to avoid loneliness. I don’t wanna do that. I am a proud gay man and I am not gonna go back to closet nor gonna compromise, not anymore.

 On that he said, how would you know if the guy is perfect if you wont give that guy a chance to prove? You have to jump in the water to taste the flow of water, not all expectations are meant to meet, compromise is not a bad thing, look in the person etc. I politely presented my views on counter points given by him. Which he didn’t get it well. But at the end I said I don’t wanna rush into relationship and wait for the right moment. And we stopped that discussion there.

 One thing I wanna say that he did a really good job by indirectly presenting his proposal rather than proposing me directly and ruining our friendship. Thank god I still have his friendship.

Alan is a great guy, anyone will be lucky to have a partner like him but not me. After dating Ryan it is gonna be very hard for me to overlook certain important aspects of relationship that Ryan showed me and Alan cannot deliver that. Ryan was straight out of Mills & Boon’s books. I am not a philosopher but I know this about love that when you are with some one you really love and one who really loves you, you can even feel that magic even in the silence of his company. With Alan I cannot feel that. Yes I agree that life starts out of comfort zone but I surely know the zones where I cannot hold myself. With Alan I can be happy, entertained but my soul will still be finding that someone. Alan could never be that somone. And suppose I change my views and get into relationship with Alan and after few years person like Ryan comes to my life then what? It will be worst? 

 What if I commit any mistake by falling for some other guy while being with Alan? What if I decide to move in with that guy and break relationship with Alan (with who I was never content)? This is not a joke, relationships are pious things, I don’t wanna break them. I don’t wanna hurt someone’s heart, and definitely not Alan’s. I am not rushing into this relationship. I don’t wanna get into the relationship with a man that I am 100% not sure about.

It is gonna take sometime for me to clear things to Alan but I am gonna do that. He hasn’t sent any funny meme after that evening. But I am gonna meet him this weekend. I failed to recognize all that special treatment, compliments he has been throwing on me all these times. He is a wonderful friend of mine and I am gonna win his friendship back. I don’t wanna give him any wrong idea. I do want to get into the relationship but with kind of a man I want to be in relationship with. I am very careful about that and I don’t wanna do anything that will break someone's heart and definitely not mine.

I Love You All..

I Love You All..

My dear readers. I apologize for the long absence that I took from my blog. I believe you might have missed my posts but I can say one thing sure that I did missed you all. In this post I will try to explain why I took a leave of absence.

  Since last two years, many things have changed in my life. Many new events took place and I have started a major new journey in my life. Since that journey has started I am constantly thinking about all the changes it is gonna bring. I am not having cold feet about my decision, nor I am repenting but it is making me think about many facts about my life. When I started this blog, I was in my 20s, now I am in my early thirties. Still single , still hopeful to meet someone. But i am still single. And this gave me a little bit depression. These all years have been a long journey of unexpected surprises, lots of ups and downs and I did all that for the hope of meeting my life partner, for being what I was supposed to be. But lately, I kinda got tired of this journey of constant events and constantly waiting for someone. When I am gonna meet someone?  And that kinda pulled me down and that is why I was away from my blog. 

I am sorry. I am not crying but just sharing an experience of my life.

Also, during this time I started working on writing short stories. Yes, I am working on my book of short stories based on LGBT lives. As I said, lot of things were happening. 

So stay tuned to my bog. I am not going anywhere.

Love,

Indian Metro Gay

Adopting A Pet In My Simple Single Gay Life

Hello Dear Friends,

You won’t believe what I am gonna tell you today. I am moving to next stage of my gay life, I have decided to adopt a pet. 

I have officially become 33 years old and this year I am gonna go through the biggest change in my life and that is why I have decided to adopt a pet as a symbol of new beginning. Growing up, I never imagined that by the age of 33 I will be single, but today’s time is different than the time of my teenage. Singlehood is kind of more common now, and single people end up adopting pets that suits their single apartment living. Pets are good friends, stress relievers, and a great company. Call me a lonely or emotional fool but finally, I have a good job and empty evenings. I don’t wanna spend them sleeping on the couch.

 So what pet I am gonna adopt?

A shelter one for sure. Actually, I am a dog person. But I leave for work at 7:30 AM and come back at 5:30 PM. Who is gonna take that dog for walks? Even if I hire dog walkers, is leaving dog lonely for so long hours is acceptable for a dog? Besides, the dog that I really wanna adopt is not suitable for my current lifestyle. I always wanted to pet an English Bulldog, but it needs a lot of attention and time which I cannot devote right now. So considering my lifestyle and schedules I have decided to settle on Cat! Because you don’t have to walk a cat. Cat is like a mature adult guy who acts like a boss and don’t seeks a lot of attention like dogs do. Cat is a perfect pet for long hours working people. 

I never had a Cat before, growing up I was kinda scared of them. But after making many rounds to shelter and seeing many of my friends’ cats I think I am comfortable around them now. If it wasn’t for that one cute cat that I saw online, I would have never come to this decision. I called shelter today to know if it is still available for adoption?  They said yes, he is presently at a foster home and I will have to call tomorrow to know more about him. I am kinda happy and bit excited. I like that cat. It is cute. No, actually it is super cute.

One thing I wanna make clear here that I am not taking any hasty decision here. I think I have reached to the point where I can take a good care of one more life and that is why I believe that adopting a pet would not be a wrong decision.  There is so much research and study about cats needs to be done here. I am doing that. I will keep you guys posted on my progress with adoption.

Wish me luck!

QUEER EYE & The Journey Of Acceptance!

Hello my dear friends.

I Love you All. 

I am not kidding, I just finished watching the first season of Netflix’s Queer Eye. It is a great show, every gay man must watch it. This is a remake of a show from last decade by same name and concept. 5 gay men with different skill set of life, fashion, beauty, cooking, and design help straight people in improving their lives. Every episode is a new person, every episode is a new story. But what is the most interesting thing about this show is the message and journey they showed in it.

 In this version, these five gay friends, called by “Fab 5” traveled to Georgia, USA. People from the southern USA are quite known for their homophobic views. These Fab 5s help those participants by giving them full makeovers and wins their hearts. It is a beautiful journey of a midpoint where people from two different background and sexualities (gays and straight) come and meet and become friends. Fab 5 are really excellent, eccentric, strong, talented, gay men. They won the hearts of people from Georgia USA shown in the show as participants. As at the beginning of show they said, “The original show was fighting for tolerance. Our fight it for acceptance”. This show is really about achieving that acceptance in society by winning hearts of people who do not belong to LGBT community. As I said earlier in my blog post "Serious Talk - I Wish Jason Shah Was Gay” , we need to show some strong characters as a representatives of LGBT community that will win hearts of straight people; this is the show that gives platform to gay people where they can offer so much to the community. This is indeed an act of building bridges.

I know some people are saying that this show is a typical stereotyping of gay people, but that is just one side of the coin. When you see those happy tears of straight people on the show, those achievements in their lives, when you see they moving ahead in life with the help of 5 gay men; the whole debate of stereotyping or not does not matter.

After seeing so many shows and movies about gay people, This is the show where I felt “YES” I felt happy and I believed that, YES, change is happening in the society. Straights and LGBT are coming together and working hand in hand. 

This is the perfect ground, perfect picture from future. This is the future of Gay community that I believe in.

I love you all my dear friends.

Now go and watch the show on Netflix.

RIP Sridevi

 “Death leaves heartache that no one can heal,

  Love leaves memory that no one can steal” 

Today our beloved inspiration source, our angel, our goddess passed away. It is indeed the sad moment for all Indians and every one who enjoys watching Bollywood movies. Sridevi was a multi talented actress who acted in many movies in Bollywood and in South Indian movies. She was that confident, bold, face woman on silver screen who made everyone stick to the screen when she was in a scene. At a same time, she had this sweet, pleasant smile and happy face that would make her lovable person. She was perfect combinations of talent of acting, dancing, and beauty. She was a perfect human being. Loss of Sridevi is not just the loss of a Bollywood Actor but the loss of an inspiration, loss of something that cannot be replaced.

May god give her soul peace, her family courage to come out of this sad moment.

RIP Sridevi jee.

Reading "Simon Vs" And Nostalgia

Hi Friends,

No! I am not writing a book review but sharing a nostalgia that I got after listening to this audio book. 

I recently listened to this audiobook Simon VS Homo Sapien Agenda. First time I came across this book was through the trailer of movie Love Simon. I love Nick Robinson, and that’s what kept me glued to the trailer. I liked the trailer and it made me curious about the movie. But when I came to know that movie is based on a book, I added that book in my “To Read” list and finally got to listen it as an audiobook last week. Six hours spent on listening to that book took me back to my teenage when I was 17. It was a great experience.

 When I was a teenager the only young adult fictions that I read were books from Sweet Valley University (SVU) series. Most of those stories were moving around bunch of heterosexual teenagers and few little mentions of one or two of their gay friends. It was the early 2000s. A little mention in young adult book that is what LGBT community used to get back then. From then to now, reading book like Simon Vs Homo Sapien Agenda, which is a story of 17 years old gay teen who is a centre stage and main character of the book is the great progress that time and society has achieved.

This books is a story of Simon who is closeted next door gay guy. Who lives in suburb, not in a big city, not into mainstream gay scene, he is living a quiet high school life and living with parents. Then one day through school’s social media page he come across another unknown gay guy who happens to be in Simon’s school. Not knowing who he is and with pseudonyms both guys start emailing each other and then they become good friends and their friendship progresses to next step. The whole book keeps reader guessing that who Blue (the guy Simon is chatting with) is. After many ups and downs and turns, finally at the end of the book Simon sees Blue in person and their romance begins.

 When I was reading this book, what reminded me back from my teenage was Simon writing his feelings to an anonymous gay guy like him. In my teenage there used to be a chatting software where there used to be a gay guys' chat room and there i used to chat with gay men like me. Or at least try to I should say. I was finding a sensible guy to chat with, to speak about my feelings, my fears , my crushes which I had no scope of chatting with another guys in my school. I did came across few good guys with who I exchanged emails and they replied back, but that series of email stopped somewhere. In those uneventful and heartbreaking pen pal searches I did found one good friend though. His name was Daniel, he was from Arizona, USA. We did chatted a lot but then later we both got busy in our lives and that series ended. Unlike in the book I never got happy ending with my online pen pals. 

 Also, I never had friends back then with who I was open. Coming out was not a question, at that time I was more concerned about my safety than coming out. So I stayed in closet. Today when I read stories like "Simon Vs….." I feel little envy about today’s young gay teens who can easily come out, but at a same time I am happy to see that society is more open at this part of the world. I am grateful to be living in the country where I can be open and live as an open gay man without fear or worry. I do feel sad for my past in India but I am grateful today. 

So this great trip to nostalgia made me feel more grateful for what I have today. This book made me feel good.

Overall Simon Vs Homo sapiens agenda is a good read, the writing has a fresh style. It will give you nostalgia of your teen age days. So read it guys, it is a good book. 

And I am now more excited about the movie. 

Lots of Love

XOXO!