When I Read Giovanni's Room

Hello Friends,

Today I am writing about my experience of reading this wonderful novel "Giovanni'sRoom" by James Baldwin. I read this book this spring and it really touched my heart. This is an amazing book and I think every gay man must read once.  As a proud gay man, I am constantly searching notable gay stories and books. I was recommended this book by an elderly gay friend. I took it from him read it a bit but then I downloaded its audiobook version and actually listened to it. Whether I read it or listen to it is not the main post is about. The post is about, how I felt about this book.
 

Spoiler Alert!
  So coming back to book, Giovanni's Room is a story based in very old age. 1950s, set up in France, in the city of Paris. The story is mainly about David and Giovanni. They are the only 2 main characters in this book. Author of the book, Mr.Baldwin has done a wonderful job of storytelling through the narration of David. David is a hot and handsome dude who happens to backpack to Paris, France and there he meets this alluring, charming, loving but smart guy named Giovanni. But then complexities of David's personality mess up the whole things. And as usual, in most of the gay stories we see today, they brake up. Yes, the book does have a sad ending which we all gays hate to see but still, people loved this book because the way this story was presented. David is the person who messed up all the things. David is portrayed as handsome, irresistible, hot man but David is douche. He was dating a woman when he met Giovanni. He is like one of those guys we see on Grindr who say they are "Straight". Or the like the married men who live with their girlfriends but sneak out to bathhouses in lunch breaks. Giovanni loves David, he wanna be with him but when Giovanni needs his help (without spoiling I am writing this) or when he should have stood up for Giovanni in Giovanni's difficult time, David just disappears back to his girlfriend. And at the end of the book, he goes back to his girlfriend.

  This story is set in 50s, and this book was published in 1956.  When you read this book you will get to know that even back then there were some douche guys were there in the gay community. Dating a man while having a girlfriend back in the apartment. Living double life. Not standing for their gay lover and abandoning them right when boyfriend needs them.  We see all these stories happening in gay community even today.

Author Of Book - James Baldwin

So then why read this book?
We all ask ourselves "why men do that?" , "why they act so weirdly?". Well, this is the answer I guess. This whole story is narrated from David's point of view. All those lies that he told, all those backstabbings he did he did from the influence of certain things from his past. Looking tough, smart and solid from outside but from inside men like David could be fragile, vulnerable, scared and unpredictable.  This is a good attempt to understand the psychology of unreliable, unsteady men.

As I said at the beginning of the post, I am writing about what I felt about this book. What Giovanni's Room has given me personally is an ability to understand people and see beyond the facade of their good looks. Giovanni's room was a dark novel, it was like drinking whiskey on the rocks. But this is something you have to do, to get over something or to grow up. At the end of the book, I do not hate David instead I feel pity for him. And Giovanni emerges as a true hero, man of truth rather than some used and ditched guy.


To all my gay friends I would strongly recommend to read this book. Heartbrakes will be there, sad endings or happy endings will be there. But this book is something like a manual that will make you more clear of any final outcomes. In my opinion, this book is one of the masterpieces of gay literature! So guys, read it and enjoy it. 


Lots Of Love!!!

With Who?

Hello Friends.

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend.

The season is changing here. Colors of leaves of trees are changing, wind is getting colder and overall things are getting quieter. We are entering in the new season of Fall here. While surfing on facebook this morning I saw a picture posted by one of my friend's friends. It was a beautiful outdoor, a bench by the beautiful lake and heading saying, "With Who You Would Be Here?". It was an indication of a romantic moment. I tried to think. I thought would that be my recent ex about who I write many recent blog posts? And the thought changed. My inside voice said "NO". "It has to be someone more wiser and mature person".

 And in that very moment, I realized that I have moved on. I no longer miss him I think. I am looking and waiting for a wiser person. This came as a good surprise. Nowadays I am getting more interested in man's qualities than looks. I am more concerned about the inner grey matter than outer good looks. Well, it is a good thing I guess. With the new season, my life is changing, again.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I think I found something.

As you know that this is a place where I write my life’s story. As a single gay man, now I have been writing this blog and been sharing how’s my single life progressing towards finding someone. So, today I am glad to tell you that I think I have done some progress in my journey. I haven’t reached that destination of partnership yet. I am still single, not seeing anyone. But now I got more clarity about what I want in a man. He has to be believer, golf playing were my 2 previous conditions. But now I have decided to scrap off these conditions and shifted my focus to another horizon.

   Lately I have been watching these TV soap operas from Turkey. It started with a male celebrity crush, then I started watching his TV series and along with him, I not only fell in love with those series but also those people, that culture and that country. Today after watching several Turkish TV series I can say I understand Turkish culture. They are family oriented friendly people and I would love to date a guy from Turkey. I live in city of Toronto which is very diverse and we have many people here from Turkey. I would love to meet a gay Turkish man here and date him.

 

 What made me to this decision is my demand. I am not seeking for a temporary relationship. I am looking for a reliable, long term relationship with a man with who I can start a family and raise kids. I found that Turkish men are very family oriented and I am sure that there would be gay Turkish men in Toronto who would be looking towards finding reliable long term life partner to raise family with.

 Am I open to other nationalities? Yes I am. I am not closing my borders, Turkish man is just a preference. My main long term goal is family. As long as gay man has the same goal, I am cool with it. So then I wont mind where he originally is from.

 What’s so special about this decision? See, I have been doing many things to find a right guy but it did not happen. There is a quote by one guy saying, If you keep doing things you were always doing, you will get same results. That means I will remain single. So why not focus in one direction for some time to see if I get desirable results? I am looking for a happy life. For happy life you need good social life, cultural festivals adds a significant amount of joy to it. Even I am Indian, I can no longer go back to my Indian roots, even if I go it will remind me my horrible past. I don’t want that. Dating someone from Turkey will still keep me connected to East. I want to do this, I want to date a Turkish guy and try to live happy life like they show in Turkish TV series. I am not hurting anyone, I will be honest, loving, caring and dedicated partner. Why not make this beautiful possibility into reality? Turkish TV series has given me some kind of hope and now I wanna pursue the possibility.

Let’s see what happens. I won’t be surprised if after six months I am still single. At least I wont have any guilt inside for not had done anything.

Will keep you informed.

Lots of love.

Your Best Gay Friend.

He Left Me, But Gave Me A Great Lesson. Mr. Perfect Do Exist.

Yes friends you are reading right. He is no more with me. He got a big promotion at work and some health issues with his stomach. He said in that long Facebook message that he neither has time nor energy for this relationship. I let him go. But I did sent him a long message, wishing him good and a small suggestion to stand for himself.

  His biggest problem was he cannot say no to people. No wonder his office people gave him more work, he couldn't find time for himself and me and rest you can imagine. In my strong willed good bye letter I said to him at the last that although I am go getter person, at this time I have decided to respect HIS decision. 

   

 Someone has said that there will be infinite, unending numbers of reasons for NOT doing a thing. He was really busy in his work. He chose what he thought is right. He has gone through many heart brakes in life so he took a decision without giving a second thought to heart. As I said in Facebook message to him, I have decided to respect his decision.  I am not crying, I am not sad, I am not happy, actually I am not feeling anything. I am feeling like being in that meditation stage, when ur in that full control of thoughts, you feel good, even though you know that as soon as you step out of that meditation state, regular worries will catch you.

 I am being silent.

This guy gave me something that changed my life. Earlier also I dated few amazing men, when they left me then I felt sad, heart broken but this time it is different. Ryan was best of them, his loss would have made me crazy like anything. But I am not going crazy. I am feeling, calm silent and peaceful. Little time spent with him taught me a lot of great thing and showed me mirror. I do not deserve anything less than Ryan kind of gentleman. Who romance fiction world call 'Mr. Perfect" .

Ryan fell for me that tells me what kind of man I am and what kind of man I deserve. I have decided to take positive from Ryan's experience. Mr. Perfect do exist out there, mine is yet to finish his office meeting I guess.

I wish Ryan great success in his career and health and here I close his chapter.

And here I resume my single gay life. In a same house, with more peace and much more positive hopes.

Lots Of Love,

Your Best Gay Friend.

Dating Mr. Perfect

Yes my dear friends, you read it right. Today I am writing about dating Mr. Perfect. A guy I dated last year for a while. It's a quite interesting story. This experience was different. This is the same guy that I wrote about in my previous post "New Season - New Turn In Life."

Early summer last year I became fan of famous Indy movie actor and director Ed Berns. I liked his personality and style. I was always a fan of Ryan Reynolds. I like Ryan's face, he is a real handsome Canadian man. So I started thinking how romantic it would be if I meet a guy who look like Ryan Reynolds and has a personality like Ed Burns? That would be like a sugar in milk, like Xbox one with Xbox gold subscription, like an iPhone 7 with Apple Watch and EarPods. A perfect combo you know? I wished for such a guy and got busy in my regular work.

 And then one day on match.com app I stumbled upon one profile. The only picture visible was he sitting on a chair in shadow. Was not able to see his face clearly but something pinched my heart and made me open his profile. I saw his pictures, he was average looking guy, something was telling me that I must say "hi" to this guy. I sent hi, after few days he replied my hi. We exchanged startup conversation rituals ( how is it going, what's ur name?) and started the chat. One thing I noticed about this guy is that this guy was proactive, he was replying my messages instantly and was writing many lines than throwing short sentences. His profile said he is looking to get married and he asked me to meet within first week of our chat. You might think that this guy was appearing despo but he was not. NO he wasn't a despo kinda guy. He was well mannered, well behaved guy. All his communication was showing that he is eager to know me than sleeping with me.  We decided a day, he came to Swiss Chalet near my house and we met over dinner.

 That was a wonderful first date, he talked a lot, we exchanged many pages of our lives. In that meeting I came to know that he is also fan of 80s music and Simon & Granfunkel like me. That was first time I was seeing him in real and I realized that he does not look like his pictures in real. In real he look like Ryan Reynolds and has personality and voice like Ed Burns. Something what I had really wished before. He was a dream come true. I was with a guy who was good looking, good personality, no drama ,mature minded hot guy who was interested in me. He was not like regular fake guys, at least what I felt so. While dropping me home, I was nervous, I did not wanted to appear so cheesy by giving him hug so I gave him hand for goodby shake hand. And he said , common man and hugged me tightly.  He said I am really nice guy and he would love to meet with me again for sure. He dropped me in my drive way and left. I was there still shocked. I can't believed that it happened!

 And so my dating summer started. Ryan ( it is not his real name but let's call him Ryan because he look like Ryan Reynolds) and I texted each other back to back, he added me on Facebook, we talked about our families, his mother sent him picture of her snow filled front yard for me because I like Christmas. We were communicating with each other which is really very rare now days in dating.  He also invited me to his place over weekend. I could not go to his place so he came to my place over a weekend. That was a great afternoon, we started talking and as expected a little bit romance took place. But we did notion any extreme. That evening he took me for dinner at another Swiss Chalet near my house. We had really great time, he talked so much with me openly and even kissed me in public. That is something I had not expected from him, but I liked it, I liked that dashingness in Ryan. I just so wanted to be within more and he too with me. We were having real discussions like grown men. He was so happy and relaxed with me. After dinner he said he will drop me over my place and go home, I asked him to drop in grocery store which was further away from my house and on his way. I told him I wanted to pick up some veggies but all I wanted was spending some time with him. We reached grocery store, this is the place where he kissed me, we said goodbye to each other and he left by saying see you again.

  He left, I was in that parking lot of store feeling stuck, was not able to move, something was holding me there, asking me to call him back. I was feeling suddenly so scared and lonely. Even though I was gonna meet him next weekend as he promised. But I was so scared. Turn out, that's the last time we saw each other.

  In our first meeting or even before that Ryan had admitted that he is getting very busy in office and his boss is doing some stressful things. But after our last meeting Ryan suddenly got busy in his office. So busy that he did not even replied to my texts. He said he got a big promotion or something and that's why he is so busy temporary till X date. After X date he will call me back and we will go to his place in countryside. X date came and went. Turn out that my Hollywood star lookalike had gotten one more promotion and he became more busy and gave me one more date, Y date. Y date came and went, and yes, you won't believe but my great date had gotten one more promotion and had become more busy. And now this time he did not gave me any date buy gave a season. He said in summer he will get back to me. I knew one thing that he was really busy and really getting promotions because he was constantly updating his facebook posts and details. He was not lieing. I really needed to act with patience else I would appeared like a child before him. And that is the last thing I want to happens between us.


Being a mature minded gay man whose heart has been serially crushed, I won't say I love Ryan, I have no expectations from anybody. I would say I really really liked Ryan. He is a perfect man who is not in that downtown drinking scene and has word marriage in his vocabulary. It is so rare to find men like this. I like Ryan because what he is, what he make me feel when I am with him. When I am with him, I feel that event our silence is communicating a lot. He makes me feel heard, he makes me feel needed, he makes me feel complete.

  But being few years older than me, in his backpack he has those few concerns ripped from his previous heart breaks. He will always pull them out no matter what I say and how much wiser I act. He is a big guy now, making a lot of money and that makes this equation difficult from my end. I need to be careful to not appear cheesy to him. I mean, I don't want him to think that I am behind him because he is rich now.  All I can and need to do is wait for his summer to rise. Meanwhile, work on myself, making sure not to  expect anything from him, and not make any plans. So I am doing that, I am going back to school, deleted his number from my cellphone and do not message him on Facebook. I like that guy so much and I won't mind waiting for him. If he comes to me then I will be the happiest guy on earth, but if he not, then this will give me great lesson to me and test. Test to overcome his memories.

 I have dated many guys in my life but never saw a man like this one. This guy is perfect, he is a man. I don't have a perfect boyfriend but at least I have possibility of having a great man as a boyfriend. Sometimes all you need is hope, and that is what he has given me. No matter what come out of this it will not make me sad for sure.

I Am With LUSH !!!!

Hello again,

Today I am writing about my recent shopping. I am not a big shopper but something happened recently that made me to go to the mall and buy that product even if I never had used it before. In fact it was first time in the advertisement I heard about that brand. I am not into those creative, handmade soaps, but this ad made me buy their soap. 

The brand I am talking about is LUSH, it is a brand of handmade soaps. Recently they came up with the advertising featuring gay and lesbian couple and people just loved it. As per I know it was first time they came up with this campaign showing gay couple and people liked it. For me it was a heart warming experience. Seeing that cute gay couple on the advertisement of such a big brand made me felt recognized and welcomed. So today I went to the mall and brought that lovely soap!

Here I am uploading picture of that cute couple and also uploading picture of my shopping bag :)

Even though I am single, that ad gave me kinda hope in my heart. May be one day soon I will also end up in bath tub with my husband. Details of that news you can find here.

Lots Of Love.

Image courtesy - Lush

Midweek Graphs & Charts (1)

Hello there my lovely readers.  I am doing something new on my blog. Now on I will be posting graphs and charts of gay life stuffs. In the mid of the week I am posting some awesome stuff about things that I felt in the format of formal charts. I hope you will like it. Enjoy it!
Ciao!