Reading "Simon Vs" And Nostalgia

Hi Friends,

No! I am not writing a book review but sharing a nostalgia that I got after listening to this audio book. 

I recently listened to this audiobook Simon VS Homo Sapien Agenda. First time I came across this book was through the trailer of movie Love Simon. I love Nick Robinson, and that’s what kept me glued to the trailer. I liked the trailer and it made me curious about the movie. But when I came to know that movie is based on a book, I added that book in my “To Read” list and finally got to listen it as an audiobook last week. Six hours spent on listening to that book took me back to my teenage when I was 17. It was a great experience.

 When I was a teenager the only young adult fictions that I read were books from Sweet Valley University (SVU) series. Most of those stories were moving around bunch of heterosexual teenagers and few little mentions of one or two of their gay friends. It was the early 2000s. A little mention in young adult book that is what LGBT community used to get back then. From then to now, reading book like Simon Vs Homo Sapien Agenda, which is a story of 17 years old gay teen who is a centre stage and main character of the book is the great progress that time and society has achieved.

This books is a story of Simon who is closeted next door gay guy. Who lives in suburb, not in a big city, not into mainstream gay scene, he is living a quiet high school life and living with parents. Then one day through school’s social media page he come across another unknown gay guy who happens to be in Simon’s school. Not knowing who he is and with pseudonyms both guys start emailing each other and then they become good friends and their friendship progresses to next step. The whole book keeps reader guessing that who Blue (the guy Simon is chatting with) is. After many ups and downs and turns, finally at the end of the book Simon sees Blue in person and their romance begins.

 When I was reading this book, what reminded me back from my teenage was Simon writing his feelings to an anonymous gay guy like him. In my teenage there used to be a chatting software where there used to be a gay guys' chat room and there i used to chat with gay men like me. Or at least try to I should say. I was finding a sensible guy to chat with, to speak about my feelings, my fears , my crushes which I had no scope of chatting with another guys in my school. I did came across few good guys with who I exchanged emails and they replied back, but that series of email stopped somewhere. In those uneventful and heartbreaking pen pal searches I did found one good friend though. His name was Daniel, he was from Arizona, USA. We did chatted a lot but then later we both got busy in our lives and that series ended. Unlike in the book I never got happy ending with my online pen pals. 

 Also, I never had friends back then with who I was open. Coming out was not a question, at that time I was more concerned about my safety than coming out. So I stayed in closet. Today when I read stories like "Simon Vs….." I feel little envy about today’s young gay teens who can easily come out, but at a same time I am happy to see that society is more open at this part of the world. I am grateful to be living in the country where I can be open and live as an open gay man without fear or worry. I do feel sad for my past in India but I am grateful today. 

So this great trip to nostalgia made me feel more grateful for what I have today. This book made me feel good.

Overall Simon Vs Homo sapiens agenda is a good read, the writing has a fresh style. It will give you nostalgia of your teen age days. So read it guys, it is a good book. 

And I am now more excited about the movie. 

Lots of Love

XOXO!

He Said He Found Me Cute! (blast from the past)

Hello friends. Happy new year. I wish you great  & greetings, greetings & greetings.


You won't believe what happen to me. Just last week, when I was on my break at work, I got this message on Instagram. I opened it and it was small video from one of the guys who used to be a friend of my friends back in India. He sent me a small video as a personal message on Instagram. It was a video in which he was showing his tool and looking at me with inviting eyes. This guy, let's call him Mr. S; used to hang out with the same group of gay friends that I had in India (I would rather call them acquaintances). He was handsome, cute uptight gym going, muscular guy. Even in earlier days, I wished to see him shirtless. But I never thought about him after that. Because of his all up class "Plastic" friends.  He would appear in their all Facebook photos, posts, they were kind of Gay Royalty in my city in India and he was like their dear little brother. I never thought to message him, I was kinda scared of his super loud friends, I was thinking what if I sent him an email saying I find him cute and his friends post that letter on our gay Facebook page and everybody will laugh on me? He was not a troublemaker but his friends were kinda Regina scary, at least I found them that way. That is why when I was in India, I maintained proper distance with that hottie. I think when I was leaving India, around that time I added him on FB, and then last year on Instagram. We never chatted, we were never that close. After moving to North America I got busy in my life, had a couple of boyfriends, dated couple of guys and I totally forgot about him that I ever wanted to see him shirtless.


But then he sent me that kinda hot video. First of all, I was stunned. But then I instantly messaged him back saying,

"S. is this you playing with your phone os someone hacked your phone?"

And then he said, Yes, it is him!

I was stunned!
I said that was a quite surprise.

And then he replied, and then I replied and we started chatting.

After few minutes he said (typed) that he ALWAYS (yes, Always) found me CUTE and have ALWAYS (again Always) wanted to hook up.

Imagine this thing, you always wanted to work in one cool company as a software engineer, you never applied for that job because you knew your resume will not pass even initial screening and if you end up being in an interview, you won't be able to answer any questions beyond initial introductions question. But you wanted to have that job, but you never applied, then you moved on to other country and then you worked in many profiles, many companies and after gaining years of experience, you can think you can get any job, even a job of CTO, then you received the letter in mailbox, which is a late delivery saying they had liked your profile back in time and offered you job as a software engineer but letter or email took years to come to you.
How you will feel?

 But still, I decently replied him saying that I appreciate he saying this and confessed that I never saw him by that view because of his super famous friends and now I would love to get connected with him to chat because my man is super busy and he is the one I can chat in my own Indian language.
Within a minute his video had taken me back in town and pulled out that confused, shy closeted gay guy in me, I wanted to spend some time with that guy, through chatting with S. To be honest, back in India I never saw S as a husband material, I did thought of him as a cute boyfriend material but I stopped that thought right there and moved on.

 That day we exchanged emails saying we will write each other as a friend and said goodbye. But that evening I was thinking that what if S had come to me years back when I was in India and we were in the same city? What if he just had asked me for a coffee date or asked my phone number and started a chat. Why he could not take some action from his side, considering he was more confident back then than me. From my side, it was NEVER a question of taking the first step. In a gossip-filled gay environment, no shy, closeted guy will go and take initiative for a chat with the member of famous gay royal gang. It was like taking enmity with Regina George kind of queens.  I moved on, he is still there. He has grown a beard, looks huskier in that, uploads new selfies every week on Instagram, tags friends on Facebook. There is nothing wrong with that but is that the only thing you have in your life as a late 20 something single gay man?

 I felt bad and angry about him. But then I saw the super cool side of this story. He never approached me, and I remained single and then I moved to the place where I am today. Had I gotten a guy like S back then, I would have never left him and stayed in my same Indian city. But then I would have never found the wonderful, vibrant men that I dated, I would have never found Ryan.  I had never gotten those wonderful days and memories of my life that Ryan gave me.

 That night I cooked a wonderful butter chicken and closed that chapter with that meal.



There is a quote by some cool guy from history saying sometimes NOT speaking up messes a lot of things that speak up. My situation with S was different. If he found me cute and wanted to hook up with me, he should have spoken with me, given me a confidence in him and he had gotten a super romantic boyfriend like me or at least had gotten good lovemaking from me. But he chose to keep quiet. His keeping quite did not slow down my process of moving out, I came here and met wonderful men.  One's loss, one's gain. But I think a cute possibility of making something good out of life got lost by the shyness of two men (yes, me too taking the blame).


So go out friends, speak clearly, speak straightforwardly, ask him for coffee, or drinks, take out him for a stroll or long drive, bring him cooked lunch if inviting over dinner is too early. DO SOMETHING!

Life is not about sitting back, life is about doing things!
With this, I sign off for now.

See you soon.

Love XOXO