I have stop watching Blue Films regularly, stop surfing porn sites. I have passed that great teen phase of life when every boy & girl stares each others again and again and could not find what is making him to do it again and again. It's been a long time when I took help of my hands for "great job". I have started looking for boys with good heart and brain and stopped searching good chicks. In fact I am doing all things which 24+ gay guy does. But still there is one thing which makes me paralyze in first look, pulls me back in the "edge" of 17, makes my heart jump out of the ocean, lifts my right feet and drop my jaw. It's a difficult thing to express in words. It's not a single emotion but the bunch of various extreme feelings. I call it feeling "WIIIIIII".
What makes me feel WIII is handsome hunk with sharp face features, killer looks and great attitude. Today also i feel WIIII only different n numbers of I are less that it were in WIII of those days. The frequency and intensity of this feeling is less comparatively lesser than that of 6- years ago's. Those were the amazing days of my life so most memorable too. I was single then, with few busy gay friends, who were so terrified of their identity that they almost never picked my call when they were not alone in their home or office. other bunch of straight friends was busy in making heterosexual relationships and catering their all assets to their girlfriends. So there I was bit lonely. Deleting massages with ugly body pics on guys4men.co surfing gay porn sites, and doing all things which lonely gay teen does in his room. I was really doing hard to understand laws of life and whenever I used to settle myself I used to come across handsome hunk with sharp face features, great attitude and all those configurations which I wanted in myself when I had reached his age. The serious handsome storm never came alone, it brought nasty twister of daydreams also with it. The nasty twister used to stay so long that i would ignored meeting new gay friends of my gay friends just to wait to see that irresistible storm again.
This used to happen like a chain reaction till I would see him with girl, noticed that he is not noticing my presence in gym or the worst see the next Handome storm.
I donno why but I found all succeeding hunks 100s times hotter than previous ones. So the power of storms were higher, duration was longer and twisters were highly revolved in itself. It like a chronic cycle. I was enjoying it. By 19 I had ended up with a big list. I don't remember all members of this "page of honor" but few of them I have written below.
1 Jas Arroa (Gori naal ishq mita)
2 Hrithik Roshan (Only in Kaho Na Pyar Hain)
3 Brett Lee (I am not cricket freak but do not have any option for a straight father and straight brother)
4 Suraj Bhaiyya (I was instructed to call him Bhaiyya. 26 years old eldest son of Kashmiri Pandit neighbor family)
5 Virat Uncle (Papa's newly married colleague)
6 Parag (New Cool Dude in society with Brand new Red Pulsar)
7 Mr. He (I couldn't ask him his name. Hottest one, so hot that never made me move to him from swimming pool lobby and ask him his name.)
8 Ben Olson (My senior in college, handsome European snow prince originally from Amsterdam and with bitchest girl of town as a girlfriend.)
9 Tom Cruise (Then he was not uncle and not irritating)
10 Kunal Sir (My web designing tutor in computer class, don't remember face of this sweet Bengali guy. Only remember is bunch of black hairs out of uppermost button of shirt.)
...and many more....
So it went on & on & on... I was in my 17 to 20 then. With all wings full charged ready to soar high in the skies of imagination, enjoying every sip of every look. Donno when I met a nice hearted guy and we became good friends. I was clear to him on my terms that since he is not one of the guys in my kinda list I can never fall in love with him. But he never told me that I was the first and only guy in his kinda list and he loved me like anything., I was his first love and he wanted to stay with me and wanted to do all the passionate things to me which I always wanted to do to all guys of my list. He couldn't convey his message and i couldn't understood. He was feeling WII for me but I had nothing for him in my heart though i loved him as friend. And one day he left the city leaving a big letter to me. Then I came to all these things about him. It was like a slap to me, the big tight slap. I felt guilty, ashame of myself. Couldn't understood his feelings and love. Donno when I found myself in the cell of my exe list member because knowingly or unknowingly I also hurt him. I never wanted to get that pain of rejection from those handsome hunks and when I came to know that I gave similar pain to someone, it made me feel damm guilty. That made me passive in this WIII feeling scene and more active in college libraries. I wanted to make myself PERFECT. Just like all those hunks. But one essential ingredient I wanted in me was the living heart.
Donno when many years passed. I came across many handsome hunks, felt WIII many times but niether those hunks nor those WII feelings became milestones of heart. And after several years I found myself in my mid twenties, in plush office with fancy designation and a team of office people to handle. I was totally focused on work, with no place in heart to feel WIII. And then this mischievous straight 19 year old kid came in my team for internship of 1 month. He was total emotional, hyperactive, jolly kiddo, had stepped first time out of momma's den, so obviously more excited towards "learning new things". His internship went with many ups and downs, got worst scoldings from me many times but didn't went even a inch away from me, in fact moved feet closer every time. He used to stare in my eyes like tiger would see his prey before attack. I felt big relief on his last day of internship. That day before leaving office when I was speaking on cellphone in conference hall he came to me. By the time I'd done with my call. He stared in my eyes and said in his kiddish tone
"I love you Goldy Sir :(
You are just so peRRRRfect!!!!
You are a complete MAN, A pakka Dashing Dude, U have all good things in You, you are very Handsome Hunk with Great looks, any girl will go crazy for you.
But your best thing will make me miss you is your attitude. You are a rocking dashing boss who meets perfection!
I wanna be like you when I will be of your age.
I like you...NO..I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU BOSS!!!
Thank you so much Goldy sir!"
And he hugged me.
I was speechless!
No doubt he liked almost all things in me thats why it made him to talk to me like that and hugg me.
Had I made him feel WIII? Obviously he was a confused guy, but was he confused about his orientation also?
did he just said I am hunk & handsome? If he were a gay he would had noted my name in his list.
His innocent intense emotions hold my hand and pulled me near big storm and met me to my old identity.
After a long time I felt WIII again. But this WIIIIIIIIIIIIII was as intense as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs, as passionate as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs, as joyful as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs. Everything was same except one.
Old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs were for other Hunks but this WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII was for me, the newly found handsome hunk with sharp face features, killer looks and great attitude.
WOW!!!
I AM FEELING WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
What makes me feel WIII is handsome hunk with sharp face features, killer looks and great attitude. Today also i feel WIIII only different n numbers of I are less that it were in WIII of those days. The frequency and intensity of this feeling is less comparatively lesser than that of 6- years ago's. Those were the amazing days of my life so most memorable too. I was single then, with few busy gay friends, who were so terrified of their identity that they almost never picked my call when they were not alone in their home or office. other bunch of straight friends was busy in making heterosexual relationships and catering their all assets to their girlfriends. So there I was bit lonely. Deleting massages with ugly body pics on guys4men.co surfing gay porn sites, and doing all things which lonely gay teen does in his room. I was really doing hard to understand laws of life and whenever I used to settle myself I used to come across handsome hunk with sharp face features, great attitude and all those configurations which I wanted in myself when I had reached his age. The serious handsome storm never came alone, it brought nasty twister of daydreams also with it. The nasty twister used to stay so long that i would ignored meeting new gay friends of my gay friends just to wait to see that irresistible storm again.
This used to happen like a chain reaction till I would see him with girl, noticed that he is not noticing my presence in gym or the worst see the next Handome storm.
I donno why but I found all succeeding hunks 100s times hotter than previous ones. So the power of storms were higher, duration was longer and twisters were highly revolved in itself. It like a chronic cycle. I was enjoying it. By 19 I had ended up with a big list. I don't remember all members of this "page of honor" but few of them I have written below.
1 Jas Arroa (Gori naal ishq mita)
2 Hrithik Roshan (Only in Kaho Na Pyar Hain)
3 Brett Lee (I am not cricket freak but do not have any option for a straight father and straight brother)
4 Suraj Bhaiyya (I was instructed to call him Bhaiyya. 26 years old eldest son of Kashmiri Pandit neighbor family)
5 Virat Uncle (Papa's newly married colleague)
6 Parag (New Cool Dude in society with Brand new Red Pulsar)
7 Mr. He (I couldn't ask him his name. Hottest one, so hot that never made me move to him from swimming pool lobby and ask him his name.)
8 Ben Olson (My senior in college, handsome European snow prince originally from Amsterdam and with bitchest girl of town as a girlfriend.)
9 Tom Cruise (Then he was not uncle and not irritating)
10 Kunal Sir (My web designing tutor in computer class, don't remember face of this sweet Bengali guy. Only remember is bunch of black hairs out of uppermost button of shirt.)
...and many more....
So it went on & on & on... I was in my 17 to 20 then. With all wings full charged ready to soar high in the skies of imagination, enjoying every sip of every look. Donno when I met a nice hearted guy and we became good friends. I was clear to him on my terms that since he is not one of the guys in my kinda list I can never fall in love with him. But he never told me that I was the first and only guy in his kinda list and he loved me like anything., I was his first love and he wanted to stay with me and wanted to do all the passionate things to me which I always wanted to do to all guys of my list. He couldn't convey his message and i couldn't understood. He was feeling WII for me but I had nothing for him in my heart though i loved him as friend. And one day he left the city leaving a big letter to me. Then I came to all these things about him. It was like a slap to me, the big tight slap. I felt guilty, ashame of myself. Couldn't understood his feelings and love. Donno when I found myself in the cell of my exe list member because knowingly or unknowingly I also hurt him. I never wanted to get that pain of rejection from those handsome hunks and when I came to know that I gave similar pain to someone, it made me feel damm guilty. That made me passive in this WIII feeling scene and more active in college libraries. I wanted to make myself PERFECT. Just like all those hunks. But one essential ingredient I wanted in me was the living heart.
Donno when many years passed. I came across many handsome hunks, felt WIII many times but niether those hunks nor those WII feelings became milestones of heart. And after several years I found myself in my mid twenties, in plush office with fancy designation and a team of office people to handle. I was totally focused on work, with no place in heart to feel WIII. And then this mischievous straight 19 year old kid came in my team for internship of 1 month. He was total emotional, hyperactive, jolly kiddo, had stepped first time out of momma's den, so obviously more excited towards "learning new things". His internship went with many ups and downs, got worst scoldings from me many times but didn't went even a inch away from me, in fact moved feet closer every time. He used to stare in my eyes like tiger would see his prey before attack. I felt big relief on his last day of internship. That day before leaving office when I was speaking on cellphone in conference hall he came to me. By the time I'd done with my call. He stared in my eyes and said in his kiddish tone
"I love you Goldy Sir :(
You are just so peRRRRfect!!!!
You are a complete MAN, A pakka Dashing Dude, U have all good things in You, you are very Handsome Hunk with Great looks, any girl will go crazy for you.
But your best thing will make me miss you is your attitude. You are a rocking dashing boss who meets perfection!
I wanna be like you when I will be of your age.
I like you...NO..I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU BOSS!!!
Thank you so much Goldy sir!"
And he hugged me.
I was speechless!
No doubt he liked almost all things in me thats why it made him to talk to me like that and hugg me.
Had I made him feel WIII? Obviously he was a confused guy, but was he confused about his orientation also?
did he just said I am hunk & handsome? If he were a gay he would had noted my name in his list.
His innocent intense emotions hold my hand and pulled me near big storm and met me to my old identity.
After a long time I felt WIII again. But this WIIIIIIIIIIIIII was as intense as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs, as passionate as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs, as joyful as old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs. Everything was same except one.
Old WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIs were for other Hunks but this WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII was for me, the newly found handsome hunk with sharp face features, killer looks and great attitude.
WOW!!!
I AM FEELING WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
No comments:
Post a Comment