(Most Important things you need to do before coming out to her)
I know very few or almost no moms are going to read this but all those gay boys who are reading this post to them I will say guys read this with cool mind, this is something very serious.
When it comes to mom we have that sweet sugary merrily figure appears in our minds who is either wanna feed us food all the time or stop us from eating everything all the time. She could be kind soft in books but in real Indian urban lives mothers do holds some portion of stiffness in their attitude which they have earned by peeling potatoes for our aloo parathas in kitchen for years. They would listen to our talks but they will always keep clung bunch of rigidity in their attitude just like they keep wearing that kitchen apron @ the time we are cooking Maggie on our own. This is their nature, precaution, idea about “could be events”, over confidence whatever u wanna name it you can name it but you cannot ignore that it is their reluctant nature towards our ideas, talks, change proposals or any sort of deeds.
So when for a 2 minutes Maggie moms do not loosen themselves how they would accept about their son’s real orientation? Now before few of you starts proving abut you rmom’s wise mentality & your family’s openness I shall make clear one thing that I am talking this about normal middle class Indian gay boys who are still not open to their family because they know their parents would not be able to understand it or if understood then not be able to handle it.
It is very very important for boys to not hide their orientation from their parents but at a same time they must maintain the balance and harmony in house. If their coming out is going to give heart attack to their mom or going to trap them in forced marriage then they must wait for the right time. But this “right time” is also not specifically predefined or precisely marked on calendar. It is you only who have to develop the idea, understanding in your mother’s mind. It is really necessary to form that idea of “right of living life on own wish” in her mind. Because many Indian moms are highly spiritual. If they have not sets of intellectual thoughts in their mind then they would never embrace the truth even after your coming out and start praying to god to turn you straight and get u married to the “sidhi sadhi ladki” till the last pooja of their lives.
So guys no matter how good English we throw outside, how big talks we spray out but @ the home moms are the same decades old moms who really do not know anything about gayism for her it’s like curable disease or temporary erectile disability only. She doesn’t know that being GAY is more of heart rather than only physical needs. They holds big bunch of bad ideas about gay people which cannot be removed by simply saying “Mom I am GAY”. That is why I am saying that every mom of gay boy must loosen her apron of reluctant & prejudiced thoughts and must embrace the reality.
How she can do it? Hmm check my thoughts,
This big block must be dissolved rather than removing it. Because more u oppose her structural thoughts more she is going to resist you. So this process of dissolving her wrong thoughts must be done slowly & so it demands more time. The most important thing in this process is it must be done and finished before you coming out to her. You can say it will give her basic introduction to gayism which she will also observe and not resist it because by then she would be having secure feeling in her mind that “MY son is NOT gay” and so she won’t resist these observations as long as you r not involved in it (in her mind).
Then next step is to build that confidence in her mind! For mom son will always be a kid so she always thinks that my son needs me. Which is unfortunately not false in many cases so guys do your house work more properly. Learn cooking from her, spend extra time at home fixing leak tap, leaking sink, cleaning furniture & doing other stuffs. Create that image of dependable Super Boy in her mind, create that circle of reliability. So she will also accept that you can live on your own and if not Maggie then at least you can cook daal khichdi when you are sick in her absence :) When U will come out she will have that confidence that U can live on Ur own.
Opening the windows does not bring light only in but it also brings fresh air too. Change is universal law and give that law to her. Give her some extra time for her hobbies, art, mehendi classes, book shop, theatres, kaththak shows, dance shows. Let her re-live her freedom ad love it. Then only she could respect and recognize your need for freedom & so your wishes also.
Introduce her to few of your straight acting decent gay friends and do tell her that they are gay. It will create a good image about gays In her mind, if not clear the wrong perceptions at least for sure
These things will be like a small introduction to gayism to Indian moms. I not guarantee that they would accept it whole heartedly but it will reduce the stroke she would be getting. So guys think about it, share your thoughts, write comments & stay tuned!
Love,
Indian Metro GAY
@IndianMetroGAY
